15/11–1917

Kjære frù Höst!

Tak for Deres brev og for Deres storartede

salg for mig til Ørvik – men – talte

han ikke om billederne, som han skal

have af mig? Jeg har spekuleret paa

om jeg skal sende ham nogen af

de tvivlsomme billeder, jeg nù har, – 

eller om jeg skal vente og se, om jeg dog

ikke skùlde komme til at prodùcere

noget bedre, – hvad jeg tror – hvis jeg lever 

saa længe da – jeg er nemlig elendig

for tiden – blir værre og værre for hver

nat, – jeg slider frygtelig for at faa

luft – og "tager i" af alle kræfter, saa

jeg synes lùngerne kunde sprænges eller 

revne ùnder de sterke hosteanfald, og 

naar anfaldene endelig efter 3-4 timers

forlöb er i aftagende, – saa kjendes det

ud som et saar hele brystet, med et koldt

jern i midten, – saa blir jeg saa træt hele

dagen, at jeg maa ligge; – lidet arbeide

kan jeg da gjöre, – grùer mig bare til næ-

ste nat, som jeg veed, blir værre. De maa

derfor ùndskylde mig, at jeg bruger

blyanten, – det er lettere, naar man er

træt og maa ligge. Jeg nævnte arbeide – 

nei jeg duger til ingen ting, – ikke engang

til at gjöre "daarlige billleder", – saa der er 

ingen fare for at henfalde til denslags

fristelser – jeg har jo gjentagne gange

faaet opfordring fra Aalesùnds kunst-

forening om at udstille der, – men at

lave noget skrap bare for at

skaffe nogen jobbefiskere væggefyld

er meningslöst.

De forstaar ikke min handlemaade

siger De – angaaende de smaasalg, jeg 

nævnte i höst, – jeg vilde gjerne

være "aapen" mod Dem og bekjende

mine synder, – derfor fortalte jeg om 

disse salg, – men jeg bùrde jo tydelige-

re have forklaret sammenhængen

særlig med hensyn til Prytz, – der er 

ogsaa kommet andre momenter til siden.

Prytz laante mig nemlig 100 Kr. i som-

mer, og jeg fik en liden skisse af ham;

til gjengjæld havde jeg da lyst at give

ham et billede, som han var meget

begeistret for, og som han flere gange

havde spurgt, om jeg vilde sælge ham;

han fik da altsaa billedet egent-

lig som gave – det var ikke noget "stort"

billede (under 1 meter); – men da han, 

en tid efter, blev endnù mere begeistret

for et af mine störste billeder (Fjös-

frieriet) (halvanden meter), – og da 

han saa spùrgte mig, om at faa kjöbe

det, saa syntes jeg nok, at jeg maatte

tage noget for det, selv om det var

af en kollega og ven, – og jeg sagde

da, at han kùnde faa give det, han

vilde; –, han sagde da at han vilde

byde mig 300 Kr., slig at han fik af-

betale paa dette, naar han havde raad; – 

jeg lovede ham da billedet paa slige

betingelser. – Da han saa reiste i höst,

gav jeg ham tilbage de 100 Kr., som jeg

havde laant af ham, og han fik de 2

billeder, men da han nù kom til

Kristiania, sendte han mig de 100 Kr.

tilbage igjen, – og nù skriver han,

at han vil forsöge at skaffe mig

300 kr. for billedet til juletider; – det

blir da nù egentlig 400 han kommer 

til at give for billederne – eller rettere

billedet; thi det ene billede var som 

sagt altsaa egentlig gave. Prytz har 

ogsaa nù nettop sendt os et af 

sine billeder som gave – rent uventet.

Angaaende de 3 andre billeder, saa

var de ikke "store", – det störste var

en knap meter (et billede fra gaarden her)

de to andre var mindre – en skisse

fra en sæter og en skisse fra Schleswig.

Det var nok saa at vedkommende 

dame fik det for billigt, – hùn var 

ogsaa et usympathisk menneske , – men

hendes mand, som var med hende den

sidste gang hùn var her gav et saa

sympathisk indtryk, – at det var 

væsentlig for hans skyld, jeg gjorde

det; han var öiensynlig lidt af en

töffeldanser og var genert over hendes

II

paagaaenhed. Nù skriver han

at han gjerne vil ha mig til at 

male bort nogle kjör, der gaar i 

række og rad langs en aasrand paa

sæterbilledet, – synes De man

skal föie folk i sligt, naar det

næsten gjælder pointet i billedet?

De siger, at jeg veed jo, at De kan

skaffe mig mangedobbelt for bil-

lederne, – ja det tvivler jeg ikke paa, –

men jeg syntes, at jeg havde plaget Dem

saa meget för med mine ting, – at jeg 

ikke vilde plage Dem med smaa-

billeder, der havde kostet mig mindre

arbeide end et af de större træsnit,

især naar jeg tilfældigvis kunde sælge

dem paa stedet, træsnit har jeg jo

aldrig solgt udenfor Dem – med und-

tagelse af det som Krantz solgte hos

Didrik Andersen – til noksaa dröi pris, –

men det var ogsaa indlagt der af Dem.

Ved begge disse salg i höst fik jeg

ogsaa bestemt löfte om fra vedkom-

mende om at hemmeligholde prisen, –

og jeg selv har heller ikke nævnt den

til andre end Dem – saa jeg tror ikke

folk kan have hört noget om

disse salg, – andre "billige" salg af

billeder har ikke existeret i senere

aar med ùndtagelse af hint billede,

som var bestilt af Ørvik, – men

som han vragede – og som mod min

udtrykkelige vilje blev overladt

til Korsvolds <söl>; – jeg veed heller

ikke om dette billede blev solgt for

billigt – thi jeg veed ikke og faar vel

aldrig vide hvad Korsvold fik for det.

Jeg forlangte 1500 Kr. for det og det 

var i grùnden for billigt – men

jeg sagde ogsaa til Kaland, at det 

var mindsteprisen – og saa fik

jeg bare 1000 Kr. af Korsvold. Det var

meningslöst lidet for ½ aars ar-

beide (egentlig 2 höst halvaar)

Jeg syntes selv, – og Krantz syntes det

samme, – at det var et af mine

bedste billeder.

Angaaende Ørvigs liste, saa har jeg 

skrevet den af og sender den tilbage –

jeg fik i sidste öieblik reddet den

fra Arnold Böklin som havde faaet

tag i den, – hvis jeg blir saa pas

frisk i löbet af vinteren, skal jeg sende 

tryk af alle de altsaa, som ikke er

mærkede med kryds – men kjære 

frù Höst – det gaar da ikke an

at De sælger bort alle Ingers tryk;

thi det er jo paa det ùvisse, om jeg kan 

skaffe igjen saa gode, – send mig

i allefald en liste over, hvilke hun

har igjen,– saa jeg kan vide, hvilke

hùn mangler; – fordi om hùn, efter

hvad jeg har hört fik 800 kr. for et 

af mine billeder, skal hùn da ikke 

maatte overlade alle sine træsnit.

Jeg fik jo desùden en del af de penge

som hùn fik for billedet – mere end 

nok – en anden dame som kjöbte 

et af mine billeder paa den förste

utdstilling i Kristiania for 40 eller 50 Kr.

solgte ogsaa sit billede igjen for 800 Kr,

og deraf fik jeg ikke en öre. 

Send mig da ogsaa ligeledes en liste

over Deres egne tryk, saa jeg kan vide,

hvad De ogsaa mangler; – jeg veed jo

at De og Inger mangler "Kverngang"

og jeg har trykt et exemplar til

Dem, men vilde gjerne trykke flere

forat De kunde ha noget at vælge

i blandt. De skal selvfölgelig ikke 

betale noget for det; jeg blev forbaùset

og næsten lidt "stödt", da De skrev,

at Höst tænkte at kjöbe det, men

fandt Deres pris for dröi, – jeg troede

namlig det var en aftale fra gam-

mel tid at De og Inger skulde ha

et exemplar af hvert træsnit, som

III

jeg maatte lave, – forùdsat at

De da bröd Dem om at ha det; 

og at De intet skùlde betale – uden-

for det, som De allerede havde

betalt paa forhaand i form af

stræv og arbeide for min skyld; –

Desùden gav De mig jo i fjor höst

Kr. 100 for et tryk, og jeg tog imod

pengene, fordi jeg var paa reise, – men 

jeg bad om faa betragte det som laan;

som jeg enten maatte faa lov at betale

igjen i penge, eller faa levere et

billede for, – træsnit vilde jeg ikke

byde Dem derfor, – da De som nævnt 

alligevel skùlde have et exemplar

af, hvad jeg maatte love i den retning af

nyt. Jeg troede ogsaa, at jeg ivaar havde 

mindet Dem om de 100 kr. som jeg skyldte 

og ^at De maatte faa Dem dækket af hvad

De da solgte af træsnit for mig. Naar

De da intet nævnte derom, troede jeg at 

De heller vilde lade de 100 Kr. gaa

ind i det billede, som jeg havde lovet

Dem, – og naar jeg da skùlde tage imod

Kr. 100 paa et billede, som De egent-

lig skùlde havt ùden penge, saa

syntes jeg, at De da maatte have 

noget som var rigtigt godt, – og det

vidste jeg ikke, om jeg havde, derfor

sendte jeg ikke noget i vaar – jeg troede

De kom hid i sommer, og at De da kùn-

de seet paa mine ^ting –, om der var noget

De likte. Nu skal jeg da vælge ud 3-4

af de ting, som jeg tror er bedst af mine

ting og sende Dem engang i vinterens löb – saa

De kan se paa dem – men jeg vil nù gjerne

faa lov at betale tilbage de 100 Kr. som jeg 

har faaet saa at sige i forskùd paa billedet,

saa var det engang isommer, at De sendte

mig penge til laans, – senere skrev De at 

De havde solgt træsnit for henimod dette

belöb – hvor meget manglede? Saa vil jeg, 

hvis jeg ikke fornærmer Dem derved faa

lov at sende begge belöb nù medens jeg 

har penge – jeg veed jo ogsaa, at De

har lagt ùd for mig forskjelligt – 

har De noget imod at jeg da sender 200?

Angaaende Ørvik forstaar jeg det slig

at han altsaa gjerne vil ha flere tryk

senere ogsaa – af eventuelt nye – ogsaa?

Jeg skal da sende, naar jeg har – hvis jeg

da ikke plager Dem, – men vær saa 

snilde at sige ifra, – jeg forstaar jo saa 

vel, hvad De maa have af arbeide med

Deres hùs i slige tider, – og jeg vil være

taknemlig for at De siger fra naar

de ikke har tid.

Saa beder De mig lave en hel serie

træsnit og sende Dem til at vise Hr.

Klavenes – det skal jeg gjöre, – det var 

jo derfor jeg i fjor trykte saa mange af 

de gamle træsnit, som jeg plagede Dem

med i vaar, – jeg vilde ellers ogsaa helst

undgaa at trykke flere af disse gamle,

da jeg ofte ikke erindrer helt, hvorledes de

var beregnede,: – det er jo ikke saa rart,

naar man har lavet flere hùndrede 

plader, – at det da kan være vanskeligt

at finde dem frem i den rigtige orden

i enkelte tilfælde har jeg jo ogsaa brugt

blaa eller grönne farver paa den överste

del af en plade, og röde eller gùle

paa den nederste del af samme plade

en saadan plade er da at betragte som

to plader, da der maa trykkes 2 gange

med den, – og kanske med flere andre

plader imellem. Og naar jeg ivaar

lavede saa mange af de gamle tryk,

saa var det af hensyn til Klavenes,

som det gjaldt at skaffe et særligt 

rigt ùdvalg – jeg forstod Dem slig, at

der maatte tages særlige hensyn til ham

saa han blev fornöiet – og jeg troede 

derfor at gjöre rettest i at trykke flere 

nùancer af de gamle; – hvad Klavenes da

ikke vilde have mente jeg, De kunde

retoùrnere eller tilintet gjöre. Jeg mente

ikke, at De skulde stræve med at afhænde

det vragede til Deres bekjendte, thi det 

kùnde jeg godt forstaa at de maatte være

"mættede" med mine ting. 

19/11 IIII og V

Ja dette brev blev nok liggende nogle 

dage, – jeg har været rent elendig – 

kvælningsanfaldene har öget stadig.

Jeg kan ofte ikke röre mig. Disse 

to sidste nætter har jeg ofte önsket

mig ùnder torven, – og saa har jeg 

ligget og tænkt frem og tilbage

paa Deres brev, – og gransket min

hjerne for at komme efter, – hvilke

ting det er jeg har gjort, og som De 

har hört om, og som har gjort

Dem "trist", og at der er "et og

andet som har virket stödenden" paa

Dem. At man "bùrde være aapne 

og tillidsfulde mod hinanden" er jeg 

fuldt enig i – og jeg vilde önske, at De

nù vil være det mod mig og fortælle

mig, hvilke ting dette er – Nei jeg kan 

ikke med min bedste vilje finde det ùd.

Jeg skal bevare den dybeste taushed. 

Jeg veed, at jeg har mange feil – 

blandt andet har jeg været frygtelig

hævngjærrig, – hvad jeg ofte har

maattet bekjæmpe, – ligesaa kan

jeg ikke altid lite helt paa min

egen hjerne og hùkommelse – 

men at jeg overfor mennesker, som

jeg har den dybeste respect og sympathi

for og som jeg föler den störste tak-

nemlighed mod – at jeg ligeoverfor 

disse – Eder altsaa – skulde have

gjort ting – der gjorde Dem trist og

virket stödende – det er mig ùbe-

gripeligt. –

Jeg har tænkt paa om det skul-

de være ting, – som De har skrevet om –

og som jeg har forglemt mig slik at

jeg har fortalt igjen til andre –

men dette er jeg mig ikke paa nogen

maade bevidst, – og jeg tror at jeg ^med fùld

tryghed tör sige mig fri for at det

nogensinde har hændt – skùlde De

derfor have hört ting igjen, som

lignede noget af, hvad De har sagt 

eller skrevet, saa kan De være sikker

paa, at det er en tilfældig lighet, og

at det i allefald ikke er kommet

fra mig. Heller ikke kan jeg tro, at jeg 

har været saa uforsigtig at lade

Deres breve ligge slig, at nogen har 

kùnnet faa anledning at læse dem

jeg er noksaa forsigtig. –

Saa har jeg tænkt paa, om det 

virkelig skulde være ting, som jeg selv

har skrevet, – som kunde gjöre Dem

trist – og om der i mine breve 

skùlde have været "et og andet

som har virket stödende" – i saa

tilfælde maa jeg bede Dem inderlig om 

ùndskyldning og tilgivelse – vær saa 

"aapen" mod mig at sige det lige ud

hvad det er, – jeg har fölt at der 

var noget, förend De sagde det directe

jeg er Dem meget taknemlig for at

De gjorde det, og jeg vil være Dem 

endnù mere taknemlig, for at De

vil sige mig, hvad det er, – jeg vil 

mere end gjerne blive korrexet af

Dem – det vil ogsaa hjælpe mig til

bedre at kontrollere min egen hjerne.

Men naar jeg saa husker paa at 

De siger, at De "har hört" o.s.v. saa kan

det altsaa neppe være noget jeg har 

skrevet selv – eller i allefald ikke

bare det. Jeg har talt med Engel

om dette og hùn mindede mig om

hvad jeg engang sagde – den gang De

solgte "Vaarnatten" til Billedgalleriet

jeg sagde at jeg var bange for at dette

salg, – saa meget som det end glædede mig

at jeg – eller rettere billedet – kùnde 

faa anledning {…} til at afbetale 

lidt paa min gjæld til Dem, – saa var

jeg altsaa bange for at dette kùnde bli

en ydre anledning til en misforstaaelse

mellem os; thi jeg fik dengang samtidig

brev fra et par ùnge malere, hvori

VI

man lod, som om man var forar-

gede paa mine vegne, der blev ikke

talt rigtig pent om Dem, og der blev

haanlig spùrgt, om hvorledes det nù 

efter dette stod til med venskabet

mellem os – ("de röbede sin misùn-

delse over Deres mange salg for mig –" sa 

Engel) Jeg svarede straks disse som jeg

har svaret alle, der har berört hint

salg, – at jeg var meget glad over salget,

da jeg skyldte Dem meget mere end avan-

cen – desùden havde De straks sendt

mig en del af avancen, – ligesom

De ogsaa havde gjort en bestilling

hos mig paa et billede til 1500 Kr.

Jeg sagde til Engel – (og jeg tror ogsaa til Dem)

at jeg vilde skaffe Dem et billede

i stedet, – men de 1500 eller overhovedet

penge vilde jeg ikke modtage fra Dem

efter alt, hvad De havde gjort for mig.

Men tiltrods for dette, var jeg bange for

misforstaaelser; thi de udtryk som brugtes

om Dem af hine to, blev vel ikke sagt

bare til mig, men ogsaa til andre,

og kanske i den ùsandfærdige form 

at det var jeg som var forarget, – der

var ogsaa en som havde sagt at: "Astrup

skal være rasende" – men vedkommen-

de havde bare fremsatt dette som en for-

modning, – men De veed, – naar sligt blev

sagt igjen i fortællende form, og saa blev

gjenstand for sladder, saa kunde det

snart komme tilbage til Dem i den form

at det alt sammen var kommen fra

mig. Mine "bange ahnelser" i denne 

retning omtalte jeg allsaa dengang til

Engel – andre talte jeg ikke med om 

hvad jeg frygtede kùnde hænde. Nù er

det kanske dette som er gaaet i opfyldelse.

Jeg burde kanske paa forhaand gjort Dem

opmærksom paa dette, – kanske jeg 

ogsaa gjorde det, – men jeg vilde jo

nödig dengang gaa nærmere ind paa

detailler og repetere for Dem ting,

som bare vilde saare Dem, – derfor

nævnte jeg kanske ikke noget om 

hvad der blev sagt – det var

kanske en mangel paa "aapenhed"; –

men jeg gjorde det i en god hensigt, – 

jeg foragtede, hvad der blev sagt – og jeg

syntes, De var for god til at höre

igjen den slags omtale af Deres person.

Jeg kùnde jo rigtignok kanske ùden at

saare Dem have fortalt slige ting, som 

at der blev sagt, – at der var god

anledning til at faa indsamlet flere

penge end de 1800 til indkjöbet af

"vaarnatten", – men at man ikke vilde 

benytte sig deraf og med vilje standsede

indsamlingen, fordi man ikke ùndte

Dem mere o.s.v. men sligt syntes

jeg nærmest var smaaligt at tale om.

Jeg kunde ogsaa fortalt Dem – da jeg

jo altid stoler paa Deres taushed – at selv

Grieg og fru Schetelig var tankelöse eller

indiscrete nok til at de spurgte mig

ùd om forholdet med hint salg – 

de havde hört forskjelligt, – jeg 

svarede da dem, som andre, at De 

nok havde havt nogen avance,

og at jeg ogsaa havde faaet del

deri, endskjönt jeg skyldte Dem 

meget mere end hele avancen –

De havde baade laant mig penge,

naar det knep, og jeg skyldte Dem

i det hele taget saa meget, at jeg 

ùndte Dem det inderlig vel om 

avancen var bleven meget större.

Jeg synes Grieg og frù Schetelig er

verdens hyggeligste mennesker, og jeg

kan derfor ùmùlig tænke mig, at de kùnde

fremstille for Dem hin samtale anderledes.

Jeg kunde for den sags skyld godt

ladt være at nævne dette for Dem; thi

jeg har ingen mistanke til disse mennesker.

Da kunde jeg snarere tænke noget sligt 

til Ørvig, som jeg dog ikke kjender,

men jeg er bleven meddelt, (hvad jeg

aldrig kùnde have troet), at der er folk

i Bergen, som kjender indholdet af mit

VII

^brev til Ørvig; han maatte have en daarlig

fornöielse af at vise det frem, synes jeg.

Men jeg kan dog vanskelig tænke mig, 

at der kùnde laves noget ùd af dette

brev mod Dem; – thi jeg nævnte ikke

Deres navn i brevet – jeg hùsker desværre

lidet igjen af hint brev, der blev skre-

vet i hidsighed, da jeg fik Korsvolds

brev med den meningslöst lave be-

taling for billedet – det var for 

billigt taxeret af mig paa forhaand

om jeg ikke ogsaa skulde beskjæres

en trediedel af den mindstepris, som 

jeg bestemt havde forlangt. – Jeg var

rasende paa Kaland og rasende paa

kunstforeningen, som efter Korsvolds

fremstilling havde taget sig saa skam-

melig betalt, for at jeg havde benyttet

dens adresse til Kaland. – Og jeg var

rasende paa Ørvig eller rettere hans 

"ven", som jeg troede var en af mine

fiender, – jeg var af Kaland

bleven ùnderrettet om (men dette mel-

lem) os) – at denne "ven" stod bag og

rakkede ned billedet (Ørvig benegter 

tilstedeværelsen af denne "ven") – og

jeg havde lyst at skjelde dem ud alle,

og det gik da först ùd over Ørvig

eller hans "ven", – jeg kan endnù 

ikke fatte, at Ørvig kùnde tage det

saa pent som han gjorde overfor mig.

efter hint brev, – men han har kanske 

sagt andet til andre.

Men jeg kan som sagt ikke tænke

mig, at noget i hint brev kùnde

brùges mod Dem eller virke stödende

paa Dem, – selv om Ørvig nù har

fornöielse af at pùblicere indholdet

af dette bev, – jeg erindrer, at jeg

forsögte at overbevise ham om, at

prisen ikke var for höi, og at jeg aldrig

var dyr paa mine ting, og jeg nævnte

rigtignok i den forbindelse; at alle

som har kjöbt billeder af mig 

og som har maattet sælge dem igjen,

har altid solgt med avance –

men jeg troede ikke at disse ord

kùnde sigte henimod Dem, – tænkte

heller ikke paa Dem specielt – der

er jo saa mange andre, som har

solgt mine billeder igjen med avance

jeg kjender til at mindst 5 billeder

fra min förste ùdstilling i Kristiania

(det var i 1905 förend vi var kjendte) er 

solgte igjen med avance – (ùden at jeg

har faaet noget af avancen – med ùnd-

tagelse af Eilif Pettersen’s salg til galleriet

med avance, som jeg fik).

Jeg beklager disse ord i mit brev, hvis 

de skulde paa nogen maade kùnne

beröre Dem, – men jeg tror og haaber,

at saa ikke kan være tilfældet;

Det var jo ogsaa en feil af mig, at jeg

lod min vrede gaa ùd over Ørvig eller

hans "ven", som jeg troede var en af mine

fiender – jeg bùrde jo hellere ladt dem 

gaa ud ^over Kaland, – men jeg var afskaaret

derfra af Kaland selv forelöbig; thi han 

skrev nemlig straks forùd, at han reiste

bort fra Bergen for en tid, og overlod bil-

ledet til Korsvold; – uden at opgive

nogen adresse; – jeg kùnde da ikke naa

ham med brev tidsnok til at hindre

Korsvolds salg, – da var det jeg skrev til Dem

for at höre, om det var Dem beleiligt at

modtage billedet – ifald jeg kùnde faa

det fra Korsvold igjen, – og De var saa

elskværdig at tilbyde Dem at modtage

og sælge billedet for mig, men det var

da forsent. Til Dem havde jeg gjerne solgt

billedet for halv pris – men ikke til nogen

anden. Kaland har nù senere skrevet til

mig og siger som en slags undskyldning: at 

han overlod billedet til Korsvold (uden mit

samtykke) med den udtrykkelige beskjed, 

at han (Kosvold) kùnde tage, hvad han 

kùnde opdrive for billedet, – naar bare

Astrup fik 1500 Kr., hvad Korsvold

kunde faa derover, kunde han beholde

VIII

selv. Selv om dette er sandt, hvad

jeg ikke betvivler, – saa er Kaland ikke

helt at undskylde; thi billedet var

bestilt af Ørvig og ingen anden, og det

var særlig beregnet paa at komme i 

en god samling – jeg har aldrig gjort

mig saa megen umag med noget billede

som med dette, og Kaland havde ingen

bemyndigelse til at sælge billedet til

andre, hverken selv eller gjennom Kors-

vold. Han maatte vel vide, hvad han

gjorde, naar han overlod billedet til

Korsvold som han vel kjendte, som

den ùvederheftige person han er. – Kaland

har jo selv tabt 1000 kr. paa ham, derved 

at Korsvold benyttede {…} ^et navn paa et 

papir – (Korvold har jo i de senere aar

stadig bevæget sig paa grændsen af det

kriminelle) – og det var jo meget pent

af Kaland at betale for ham og ikke

lade ham blive straffet, – men {…}

Kaland har jo lidt aktier og kùnde

taale det, – men nettop fordi han

kjendte saa inderlig vel til Korsvold,

bùrde han ikke lade en fattig kol-

lega som mig falde i hans klör, –

Kaland vidste meget godt, at jeg 

ikke selv vilde betroet Korsvold

billedet, fordi jeg tidligere var bleven 

lùmpet af ham gang paa gang.

Da Korsvold gjorde mig det förste puds,

havde jeg nylig hjùlpet ham med mine

sidste skillinger og et billede, for at 

han skùlde undgaa lovens haand, – og da

jeg en tid efter solgte et billede til kunst-

foreningen, – fik Korsvold udbetalt pen-

gene af kunstforeningen ùnder foregi-

vende af, at han skùlde betale min

gjæld til 3 firmaer, hvor han stod

som garantist for mig (jeg havde be-

stilt varer hos samme firmaer gjen-

nem Korsvold, der var agent for disse, – det 

var ingen anden garantering fra hans side)

Jeg troede da ogsaa i et par aar, at 

Korsvold havde betalt min gjæld 

til disse firmaer af de penge, han 

fik af kunstforeningen, – indtil det

ene efter det andet af disse 

firmaer kom med strenge krav,

da de havde "ventet" mig taalmodig

saa længe paa grùnd av Korsvolds

forbön for mig. En anden gang 

var mine livspolicer nær bleven 

ùgyldige fordi Korsvold (uden min 

opfordring) havde tilbùdt sig og paa

taget sig at ordne ² halvaarspræmi-

erm for mig, – mod at faa et par

træsnit – han skyldte mig ogsaa penge.

Dengang troede jeg ogsaa aldeles sikkert,

at alt var ordnet, og der gik et par 

maaneder over tiden, förend jeg fik

vide andet, – og det var da kùn med

nöd og neppe og megen underhand-

ling, at jeg fik ordnet sagen med 

assùranceselskabet.

   Korsvold har ogsaa været

fræk og ubehagelig mod mig, – 

naar jeg ikke har kùnnet "laane" 

ham nok penge; – engang da

jeg minded ham om tidligere laan,

sa han, at han intet erindrede

derom, – og at daarlige mennesker

altid havde slig god hukommelse,

medens gode mennesker saa lett 

glemte. Engang kom han ned paa

dampskibet en mörk kveld, da jeg 

skulde reise fra Bergen – og bad mig 

laane sig "lidt penge", – da jùlen stod

for dören, og han var "blank". Jeg svarede, 

at det ikke var meget, jeg kùnde und-

være; – og laane ham vilde jeg slett ikke,

men vilde han tage imod 75 Kr. som 

en foræring til familien til jùl, – saa

skulde han faa det, – (jeg havde ^ikke mere 

i smaat og syntes ikke; jeg kùnde undvære 

en hel hùndrekroneseddel). Korsvold

takkede og tog imod pengene – da blev

han pludselig rasende over at han 

fik "saa lidet". 75 Kr var dengang

IX

ikke saa lidet, – mindst saa

meget som et par hundrede er nu.

Der kom flere af mine bekjendte 

ned paa dampskibet deriblandt 

min söster og flere fra Förde og

Krantz, – og i disse menneskers paa

syn tok han op sedler og lod dem

falde ned – for at vise sin foragt, 

og da jeg gik op paa dæk, fùlgte han

efter og spùrgte plùdselig; "Hvad

skal jeg med disse ^(lùsede) penge"! og saa 

krammede han sedlerne sammen 

i haanden og kastede dem i sjöen.

Jeg havde nær slaaet til ham

men beherskede mig dengang og bad 

godnat og gik nedenùnder.

Det forùndrede mig nærmest, at jeg

i detheletaget fik noget af det, Kors-

vold fik for billedet, – eller at jeg 

fik saapas meget, der er vel neppe

en vestlandskùnstner, som ikke er

bleven "lurt" af ham, – men

Korsvold stakkar kan man da 

tilgive, – fordi han er bleven det vrag

han er, – han har ingen moralske

skrupler om han snyder sine venner, –

han tænker neppe længe end til whisky,

han lever fra haand til mùnd af

at "slaa folk", og ved andre mindre

hæderlige knep – Krantz er kanske

den eneste af kunstnerne, som

ikke lader sig lùre af ham, – det 

gaar nok af og til lidt ud over

Krantz’s haarvand, som blir op-

drùkket hver gang Korvold "ser 

sit snit" dertil; men ellers tror jeg

nok Krantz hjemmer sine penge.

Korsvold er imidlertid aldrig ond-

skabsfuld i sin lögnagtighed og

aldrig sladderagtig af ondskab; og 

da kan man næsten tilgive

ham alt andet. Om der blir

nogen digter af ham, er vel tvivl-

somt, – begavet er han – sörgeligt

at han skal gaa slig i hùndene,

förend han faar gjort noget större

personligt arbeide, – han har havt

det alt for ondt, – og er, som han 

selv siger, "kommen i en skjæv stilling".

Han er nù bleven saa kjendt for

sine streger i Bergen, – at han ikke

længer kan benytte sig af sine tidli-

gere knep, – og han lider derfor nù 

sikkerlig ofte nöd, – det lille han 

kan tjene paa en artikkel i Bergens

tidende af og til forslaar ikke stort

i disse tider, – saa det er ikke rart,

om han maa forsöge alle slags ud-

veie for at klare sig; – det kvinde-

trold, han har, er vel ogsaa for

en del skyld i hans ùlykke, men

han burde ikke lade det gaa

ud over sine fattige kamerater. –

Jeg har fortalt alt dette for at De 

skùlle kùnne forstaa min ærgrelse ^over, 

at Kaland, som kjendte alle historierne,

skulde overlade mit billede til Kors-

volds spekulationer, – det var jo heller

ikke hyggeligt for mig, at Korsvold

skulde drasse rundt til alle störrelser

i Bergen for min skyld – og nöde

ind paa folk mit billede,

sligt kan man tabe mere paa end

nogen kan beregne – baade öko-

nomisk og – særlig hvad en renommè

angaar; – thi hvad maa ikke folk 

tænke om en kunstner; som er nödt 

at betjene sig af slige midler, og "gaa

bagveien" istedenfor at udstille sit 

billede, eller anbringe det hos hæderlige

og kunsforstandige folk. Hvad Korsvold

virkelig fik for billedet faar jeg vel

aldrig vide, og jeg vil ikke være saa

X

indiscret at spörge Halvorsen derom,

men jeg har hört gjennem andre,

at Korsvold tidligere engang – for

et andet af mine billeder – fik det

doble eller mere, end han {…} ^ùopfordret

opgav for mig, – men dette kommer

ikke mig noget ved, da Korsvold

havde faaet hint billede til foræring

hos mig og saaledes kunde gjöre med

det, hvad han vilde, han behövede jo

rigtignok ikke at lyve for mig derom;

thi jeg misùndte ham det saavist

ikke, – tvert imod, – det var jo nettop

en fordel for mit renommè; jo

mere han fik for billedet.

Ja som sagt Kaland kjendte Korsvold

for godt til at han vilde overladt ham

en af sine egne billeder, – men jeg vil 

nù nærmest tro, at han dengang 

ikke tænkte, at Korsvold vilde be-

nytte sig af mig da han vidste, at jeg

havde det særligt vanskelig i den tid.

Jeg vil nærmest tro, at Kaland gjorde 

det i en god hensigt, – at han abso-

lùt vilde faa billedet solgt for mig.

Han havde en tid i forveien faaet en

del blanke kobberplader (raderplader),

som jeg havde liggende – slige var

vanskelige at opdrive nù, – og han 

vilde vel vise mig sin taknemlighed

ved at faa billedet solgt. Nu siden

er han vistnok bleven fornærmet paa

mig, – kanske paa grund af mit brev til

Ørvig; – thi han sendte mig 12 kr. for

kobberpladerne, som han sagde, at han

havde solgt som "skrabkobber", – det likte

jeg daarligt; – thi han havde faaet dem

til foræring hos mig, fordi han spùrgte

om jeg vilde sælge dem til ham, – (jeg

havde selv givet over 20 Kr. for dem

i de billige tider) – og pladerne var

lige brugbare, – en enkelt var lidt

oxyderet (anlöbet), men ikke "irret", og jeg

kùnde brugt den lige godt. Det kan

være smaaligt af mig at ærgre mig over

sligt, – men jeg syntes ogsaa dette var smaaligt

af Kaland.

Men jeg er kommen bort fra saken som

er af större betydning for mig end alt

andet, – hvad det kan være, som

har gjort Dem trist og som har virket 

stödende – jeg tænker mig tom i disse

lange nætter – mit stearinlys gaar snart 

ùnder. – Kjære fru Höst er det "Vaarnatten"

som paa en eller anden maade er aarsagen?

Jeg hörte i fjor höst i Bergen, at

Mùnch "skùlde være rasende" paa Dem

for Deres salg av hans billeder til Meyer.

Dette er vel ligesaa lögnagtigt som

at jeg skùlde være det, – sligt kan jeg

aldrig tro til Mùnch, – og jeg kan ikke 

forstaa at andre fornùftige mennesker

kan tro det heller, – om ikke for andet,

saa bare fordi han er en rig mand; – da

er det mere forstaaeligt, at man kan

mistænke mig for sligt, da jeg er fattig – 

saadant hörer med til fattigdommens

forbandelser. Nù tror jeg sandelig jeg vil

blive rig – hvis jeg da blir frisk og kan 

arbeide. Det er at ro sig tilbage i den gamle

gade og opgive alt det nye, jeg har slidt

med i de senere aar. Jeg tror man lyver

mindre paa rigfolk end på fattigfolk,

og at nogen har löiet noget paa mig

for Dem i anledning Deres salg af "vaarnatten",

det tror jeg sikkert, – jeg kan jo ikke 

hjælpe for, hvad folk maa have sagt i

anledning hint salg – jeg har gjort hvad

jeg kùnde for at hindre det ^snak, og om jeg

oftere skulde blive udspùrgt desangaa-

ende – da vil jeg simpelthen svare, at

jeg har faaet hele avancen –, havde jeg

XI

bare sagt dette straks – fra först af;

paa den maade kùnde jeg kanske

straks have afspist all snak – og

det havde ikke været nogen omgaaelse

af sandheden – thi jeg havde virkelig

faaet mindst saa meget i form af

stræv og arbeide, som De havde udfört

for min skyld.

   Saa har jeg ogsaa tænkt paa om 

Deres ord skùlde gjælde ting som er sagt

om mig – om min person – ting som

altsaa egentlig ^ikke berörer Dem eller

vort venskab directe. – Ja, jeg 

har jo altid været gjenstand for sladder,

lögn og bagvaskelse, – saa det skulde

ikke ùndre mig, om De havde hört

ufordelagtige ting om min person.

Det maa være den omstændighed, at jeg

bor paa landet, saa langt ùdenfor

centrùm og derfor ikke kan forsvare mig,

som gjör, at jeg stadig skal blive gjenstand

for sladder – Jeg behöver jo bare at

minde om den gemene og helt lögnagtige

sladderhistorie, som fratog mig stipendiet.

Damer, som jeg næsten ikke har kjendt,

er jeg bleven beskyldt for at staa i 

forhold til – f.ex. Odda Krohg, som

jeg aldrig har truffet andre steder end

paa kafe Versaille i Paris sammen

med alle de andre norske – det var i 1901

jeg var 21 aar og frù Krohg var ^vel omkring de 45? –

saa det var svært troligt, – men selv en

fornùftig mand som Henrik Lùnd troede

det for fuldt alvor, og sagde det ærlig ud

til mig, – og det nyttede ikke, hvad jeg for-

sikrede, og hvormeget jeg protesterede, – han

vilde ikke tro mig; – denne historie skrev

sig kanske ogsaa fra Karsten, som vel var

oprindelsen og begyndelsen til alle sladder-

historier om mig; – da han, tiltrods for at

han vel var den mest fordrùkne maler

i landet, dog fortalte haarreisende histo-

rier om min drùkkenskab. – Man kan 

tilgive Karsten, fordi han paa sin halvt

humoristiske, – halvt ondskabsfùlde

maade, fortæller slig, at man kan

höre han lyver, – men de, som benyt-

ted sig af hans historier kan ikke tilgives.

Det er forresten mærkelig, hvor disse

drùkkenskabs historier om mig, holder

sig haardnakket, – tiltrods for at jeg

tör paastaa at ingen endnù har seet mig

overstadig berùset, – jeg drak jo gjerne ½ fl.

kognak hver morgen og brugte i det 

hele taget meget akohol i gamle dage

for at döive smerterne i mine daarli-

ge lùnger; men den stadige brùg gjorde

mig "vant", saa jeg taalte saa meget.

at jeg egentlig aldrig blev "fuld".

Som sagt jeg drak ½ fl. kognak hver mor-

gen og gjerne ½ i löbet af dagen – lige

til for 5 aar siden – da jeg sluttede med

en gang. Siden den gang har jeg ikke

smagt en dram. – Engel har ofte 

næsten villet tvinge mig til at drikke

et glas, naar jeg har været daarlig,

men jeg har aldrig villet smage

mere end lidt op i en spiseske et

par gange; – og om det end var lidt haardt

at blive afholdsmand med en gang i den

første tid, – saa er det nù i de senere aar

nærmest "dyd af nödvendighed"; – thi jeg

taaler ikke brændevin, – da jeg faa hjærte-

bank bare af en spiseske, – hjærtet er

vist bleven daarligt af alle de spræn-

gende kvælningsanfald – og kanske endnù

mere af den megen brùg af jodkaliùm

og jodnatriùm. Ja det er mærkelig,

hvor disse drùkkenskabs historierne

fra Paris endnù efter næsten 20 aars

forlöb holder sig, – saa at en mand 

som arkitekt Landmark endog kan

tillade sig at skjælde mig ud i et

halvt officielt selskab i Bergen,

hvor der var möde af mange slags

folk i anledning af, at der skùlde deco-

reres i en rigmands villa; – der blev 

fremfört et forslag om at faa alle

vestlandsmalerne at decorere villaen

og mit navn blev ogsaa nævnt – da fòr

Landmark op: "Astrup den fyllebötta",

nei han skal ikke kommer der". – Jeg 

har engang hört Landmark sige om sig

XII

sig selv, at han "havde dagen derpaa"

og han pegte paa sit hoved, – den-

gang var han altsaa ikke saa

moralsk altsaa. Jeg er ingen

fanatiker – jeg drikker gjerne ½ fl.

rödvin, naar jeg kan faa fat paa

den, – og jeg har smagt lidt tynd

absint som Krantz havde med sig

fra udlandet, – og jeg smagte vist

noget sterkt hos Dem (vin eller liqùeùr)

og jeg vil aldrig finde noget at ud-

sætte paa en mand, om han drikker, –

naar han ellers er bra, – jeg vil

aldrig blive nogen "skreven" – fanatisk

afholdsmand, om jeg end for mit

eget vedkommende har bestemt

mig paa aldrig mere at drikke en dram,

og jeg kan ikke forstaa, at folk, som

selv drikker ganske tæt, kan tale

forarget om andres drukkenskab. –

Folk kritiserer jo næsten alt, hvad jeg

gjör, naar jeg er et par dage i en by, –

de ser alt ud fra, at det er begaaet i druk-

kenskab antagelig – jeg kan jo faa plud-

selige indfald, som jeg fölger ùmid-

delbart – uden reflexion, – og naar De

nævner, at der er et og andet – De har hört,

som virker "stödende" saa maa jeg mindes

en liden historie fra sidst jeg var i

Kristiania. – Det var en af mine "fine"

slegtninge som fandt min opförsel

"stödende" – jeg kùnde jo dengang ikke

ahne, at der befandt sig nogen af mine

tærtefine slegtninge i min nærhed, –

eller at han tilfældigvis skulde bo i 

samme hùs, hvori begivenheden foregik

– isaafald kùnde jeg kanske have

undgaaet at "stöde" ham paa slegtska-

bets vegne. Jeg vaagnede nemlig mod 

sedvane aldeles frisk tidlig en morgen

i Kristiania og var saa lykkelig og

glad, fordi jeg havde faaet sove en

hel nat i fred, – jeg var rent i stem-

ning og fuld af billeder i hodet, – bil-

leder som jeg havde tænkt paa i aarevis

strömmede ind paa mig. Jeg vækkede 

Krantz, og vi gik ned paa gaden i herligt

regn, söle og rög, og alt forekom mig

saa ùnderlig koseligt og rart – vi

havde hverken spist eller drukket

noget – Det var med mig som med bönder,

som kommer til byn – at der var saa

meget at se paa, – store deilige hester

nedlægning af gatesten i Pilestrædet,

vandfyldte hjùlspor og blankvaad

asfalt, – en frossen og atter optöet

vissengrön poppel, som syntes at

stikke op af et hùstag, – og saa alle

de rare mennesker i den tidlige mor-

genstund – mennesker, hvis livshisto-

rie, man kùnde se paa dem, sovndrùkne

og livsyrende vaakne, – mest arbeidere,

kjörere og fattigfolk. Krantz og jeg gik

begge lige tause, – tænkte hver paa vort –

han bymanden og jeg bonden, – og som det 

ofte gaar bonden, saaledes gik det mig –

– en lirekassemand tiltrak sig min 

opmærksomhed, – han var saa malerisk

der han, stod inde i et portrùm, – og jeg

syntes, jeg hörte hans lùvslidte livs-

historie i tonerne fra hans lirekasse.

Vi fùlgte ligesom flere andre efter

ham ind i et par gaardsrùm, – det und-

red mig hvor mange, som maa stræve

for skillingerne – her fik han et par öre

i hvert gaardsrùm – kanske intet, – men

lige freidig sveived han i vei paa sit skrö-

belige positiv, – ind det ene og ud det 

andet gaardsrùm – det yrede af motiver, –

en og anden halvt paaklædt person

skimtedes i vindùerne, og et par gange

kom et papir susende med et par öre i.

– det var kanske for tidligt paa dag

for liremanden – folk tog imod "mù-

sikken" gratis i sit morgentoilette, – en

og anden kikkede ud – en bar arm aab-

nede et vindù, – nogen maleriske ùnger

omgav liremanden, – det var en

morgenstunds byromantik over det

hele – jeg syntes synd i liremanden og

fik lyst at gjöre noget for ham – gav 

ham nogle penge og – – ja De til-

giver sikkerlig min forbrydelse eller mit 

indfald, – jeg tog lirekassen fra ham

og spillede, – tog hatten af og strög

mit lange haar godt ned – man

kùnde jo tro, jeg var en fattig "artist"

fra udlandet – og saa sang jeg en

XIII

en improviseret vise, som jeg syntes

kùnde passe til tonerne, liremanden

og hans livshistorie, – og efterpaa

gik jeg rùndt med hatten, medens

liremanden selv spillede, og jeg sang; –

alle vindùer blev til min forbaùselse

aabnede, – det haglede med penge, –

jeg takkede og samlede ind, og lire-

manden blev rent henrykt, da jeg

tömte pengene i hans haand, – han

vilde give mig halvdelen, hvis jeg vilde

fölge ham til næste gaard, – jeg lo

og lovede at fölge ùden penge, – og saa 

bar det ind i næste gaardsrùm, hvor

det gik ligedan, bare at der blev flere

og flere folk omkring og i vinduerne, –

og pengene strömmede ind til den lykke-

lige liremand; – jeg blev rent ör – jeg havde

bidt hovedet af al skam, – jeg var jo en 

fattig "artist" fra udlandet – det hele

var som et eventyr fra svundne tider

og jeg digtede og sang om den ulykkelige

liremand – og Krantz var rent begeistret

Da kom en ùng pige hen til os og sa

et par ord til mig, – det var, som naar

nogen vækker en af en dröm, – hùn sa bare:

"De maa holde op" – jeg vaagnede lidt

forvirret og benyttede öieblikket – me-

dens Krantz kùrtiserede pigen – til at

smùtte ud porten. – Senere fik jeg

som sagt vide, at en slegtning havde

seet hele optrinnet og troede at kjende

mig, og da han senere hörte, at jeg var

i byen, var han sikker i sin sak.

Slige og lignende indfald kan jo have

bragt mig i vanrygte. Folkestad

skal have fortalt en historie om, at

jeg i Berlin – efter en livlig aften i den

norske forening – paa hjemveien om

natten sang hallinger og springere (ja

sammen med ham og de andre nordmænd)

og da vi blev tiltalt af en politikon-

stabel, – tog jeg fat paa ham og dan-

sede rùndt med ham en springdans

förend han fik sùk for sig, – dette

er desværre næsten sandt, – især

hvis man tager med i historien, min

parentes. Ja nok om dette –. Det er

imidlertid mærkelig, at der skal laves

saa meget om mig bare jeg opholder mig

et par dage i en by – her i bygden hvor

jeg har opholdt mig i snart 20 aar,

her har jeg det bedste renommè, hvad

jeg ingenlunde havde, da jeg i 17-18 aars

alderen kom hid. Det er ogsaa mærkelig,

at jeg skal miste den ene efter den anden

af mine venner i byerne, medens jeg her

i bygden endnù har de faa venner, som 

jeg fik, straks jeg kom hid – ùden at der

i disse 20 aar er kommet en knùde paa

traaden, – og nù vil snart sagt alle her

være mine venner. Det maa være slig, 

at i byerne holder aldrig sladderen op, naar

den engang er sat igang om en mand, – iallefald

hvis manden bor udenfor byen, – medens 

den paa landet holder op, naar man

blir kjendt med manden.

Ja nù synes De nok jeg har skrevet og 

vrövlet om löst og fast og været

"aapen" nok og helst paa andres be-

kostning, vil De kanske sige, – ja jeg

föler det selv, – men det er jo uhyre

vanskelig at være rigtig "aapen" mod

et menneske ùden at negligere andre

samtidig – derfor bör man – i allefald

jeg – kùn have faa venner, som en kan

stole helt og trygt paa og være saa "aapen" 

og tillidsfulde {…} imod at man

trygt kan gaa til dem med sine sorger og

feilgreb. Og har jeg ikke gjort dette

helt overfor Dem, saa er det, fordi jeg ikke

har villet plage Dem dermed, – ja nù

har jeg nok ogsaa plaget Dem rigtig meget;

og nù skal jeg slùtte, – men jeg maa först

atter bede Dem have saa god tro til mig,

at De – mod löfte om fuldstændig taushed – 

tör fortælle, hvad det er, De har hört om mig,

som har gjort Dem trist og har virket

stödende. Jeg er meget bedrövet over

dette, men tror sikkert det skriver sig fra

onde folk eller fra en misforstaaelse. Engel

beder ogsaa om at De maa fortælle os alt

og tilgive.

Og i dette haab sender vi vor bedste 

hilsen til Dem og Deres fra

Eders hengivne

N. Astrup

Jeg skal ikke oftere

skrive saa vidlöftigt

15/11–1917

Dear Mrs. Höst!

Thank you for Your letter and for Your magnificent

sale to Ørvik on my behalf – but – did

he not speak of the pictures, that he would like

to have from me? I have speculated on

whether I shall send him some of

the doubtful pictures, that I have now, – 

or whether I shall wait and see, if I

might be able to produce

something better, – which I believe I can – if I live 

that long – I am in very poor health

lately – am becoming increasingly worse by the

night, – I struggle terribly to get

air – and "throw myself" into it with all my strength, so that

I feel that my lungs might burst or 

tear during the intense coughing fits, and 

when the fits at last after 3-4 hours

duration are beginning to diminish, – then my whole

chest feels like a wound, with a cold

iron in the middle, – and then I am so tired all

day long, that I must lie down; – I can

accomplish little work, – only dread the com-

ming night, which I know will be worse. You must

therefore forgive me for using

a pencil, – it is easier, when one is

tired and must lie down. I mentioned work – 

no I am not fit to do anything, – not even

to making "poor pictures", – so there is 

no danger of giving in to that kind of

temptation – I have received

repeated requests from Aalesùnd’s art

association to exhibit there, – but to

make some scrap for the sake of

obtaining wall filler for some shipping speculators

is pointless.

You do not understand my dealings

You say – regarding the small sales, that I 

mentioned in the fall, – I wished to

be "open" with You and confess

my sins, – that is why I spoke of 

these sales, – but I obviously should

have explained the context

especially with regard to Prytz, – other 

factors have also appeared since then.

Prytz in fact lent me 100 Kr. this sum-

mer, and I received a little sketch from him;

in return I wanted to give

him a picture, which he was very

excited about, and which he had

repeatedly asked, if I would sell him;

he therefore received the picture actu-

ally as a gift – it was not a "large"

picture (under 1 metre); – but when he, 

a while later, was even more excited

about one of my biggest pictures (Cowshed

courting) (one-and-a half metres), – and when

he asked me, if he could buy

it, I thought, that I had to

take something for it, even though it was

from a colleague and friend, – and I said

then, that he could give what he 

wanted; –, he said that he would 

offer me 300 Kr., so that he might pay in-

stalments on it, when he could afford it; – 

I promised him the picture based on these

conditions. – When he left this autumn,

I returned to him the 100 Kr., that I

had borrowed from him, and he received the 2

pictures, but when he arrived in

Kristiania [Oslo], he sent me the 100 Kr.

in return, – and now he writes,

that he will attempt to get me 

300 kr. for the picture by Christmas; – that

will actually be 400 he will 

give for the pictures – or more precisely

the picture; for one of the pictures was as 

mentioned in fact a gift. Prytz has 

also just now sent us one of 

his pictures as a gift – quite unexpectedly.

As for the 3 other pictures, they

were not "large", – the largest was

barely a metre (a picture from the farm here)

the two others were smaller – a sketch

from a grazing farm and a sketch from Schleswig.

It was perhaps true that the lady 

in question got it too cheaply, – she was 

also an unsympathetic person, – but

her husband, who was with her the

last time she was here made such a

sympathetic impression, – that it was 

essentially for his sake, that I did

it; he was evidently a henpecked

husband and was embarrassed by her

II

effrontery. Now he writes

that he would like me to 

paint over some cows, that walk in 

a row along a ridge in

the grazing farm picture, – do You think one

shall give in to people in such matters, when it

is practically the main focus of the picture?

You say, that I know, that You can

obtain for me many times as much for the pic-

tures, – well I have no doubt about it, –

but I felt, that I had bothered You

so much in the past with my works, – that I 

did not wish to bother You with little

pictures, which had cost me less

work than one of the largest woodcuts,

especially when I by chance could sell

them at home, woodcuts I have

never sold aside from You – with the ex-

ception of what Krantz sold to

Didrik Andersen – for a rather high price, –

but it was also deposited there by You.

With both these sales this autumn I was given

an explicit promise to from the concerned

party to keep the price a secret, –

and I myself have not mentioned it

to anyone other then You – so I do not think

people can have heard anything about

these sales, – other "cheap" sales of

pictures have not existed in recent

years with the exception of that picture,

which was commissioned by Ørvik, – but

which he rejected – and which against my

expressed wish was entrusted

to Korsvold’s <mess>; – and I do not

know if this picture was sold too

cheaply – for I do not know and will probably

never know what Korsvold got for it.

I demanded 1500 Kr. for it and that 

was actually too little – but

I also told Kaland, that that 

was the minimum price – and then I received

only 1000 Kr. from Korsvold. That was

absurdly little for ½ a year’s work

(actually 2 autumn seasons)

I feel, – and Krantz feels the

same, – that it was one of my

best pictures.

As for Ørvig’s list, I have 

copied it and shall return it –

I managed in the last moment to rescue it

from Arnold Böklin who had gotten

hold of it, – if I become well

enough in the course of the winter, I will send 

prints of all of those, which are not

marked with an x – but dear 

Mrs. Höst – it is not right

that You sell off all of Inger’s prints;

for it is uncertain, whether I can 

make such good ones again, – send me

at least a list of which ones she

has left, – so that I know which ones

she is missing; – because if she, from

what I have heard received 800 kr. for one 

of my pictures, she should not have 

to give away all of her woodcuts.

I received in addition a portion of the money

that she obtained for the picture – more than 

enough – another lady who purchased 

one of my pictures at the first 

exhibition in Kristiania [Oslo] for 40 or 50 Kr.

also sold her picture further for 800 Kr,

and I did not get one öre of it. 

Send me likewise a list

of Your own prints, so that I know

what You are missing as well; – I know

that You and Inger are missing "Milling weather"

and I have printed a duplicate for

You, but would have liked to print more

so that You might have several to select

from. You shall of course not 

pay anything for it; I became baffled

and almost "offended", when You wrote,

that Höst thought of buying it, but

found Your price too high, – I thought

in fact that it was an agreement from the old

days that You and Inger should have

one copy of each woodcut, that

III

I would make, – provided that 

You were interested in having them; 

and that You would pay nothing – be-

yond what You had already

paid beforehand in the form of

effort and work on my behalf; –

In addition You gave me Kroner 100

last autumn for a print, and I accepted

the money, because I was travelling, – but 

I asked for it to be considered a loan;

which I might be permitted to either pay

back in cash, or deliver a

picture in return for, – I thus did not wish to offer

You a woodcut, – which You as mentioned 

should have a copy of 

anyway, from what I might create new in that 

vein. I also believed, that I had reminded you

this spring about the 100 kr. that I owed 

and ^that You should have them reimbursed from the

woodcuts You sold for me then. When

You did not mention anything about it, I believed that 

You would rather let the 100 Kr. go

towards the picture, that I had promised

You, – and when I later might accept

Kr. 100 for a picture, which You in

fact should have had without payment, then

I thought, that You must have 

something that was exceptionally good, – which I 

was unsure, whether I had, that is why

I did not send anything this spring – I thought

You would come here this summer, and that You might

then take a look at my ^things –, to see if there was something

You liked. Now I shall select 3-4

of the things, that I believe are best among my

things and send them to You some time this winter – so that

You can have a look at them – but I would like to

be permitted to reimburse the 100 Kr. which I 

have received as it were as an advance towards the picture,

and then some time this summer, You sent

me money as a loan, – later You wrote that 

You had sold woodcuts for approximately this

sum – what was the difference? I would, 

if it does not offend You ask to be

permitted to send both sums now while I 

have the cash – I am also aware, that You

have paid out for various things on my behalf –

would You object if I send 200?

When it comes to Ørvik as I understand it

he would also like to have additional prints

later as well – of perhaps new ones – also?

I shall send them, when I have them – if I

am not being a bother to You, – but 

please tell me, – I understand very 

well, how busy You must be with

Your house at this time, – and I will be

grateful if You tell me when

You don’t have time.

And then You ask me to make a whole series

of woodcuts and send them to You to show Mr.

Klavenes – I shall do that, – that was 

the reason why last year I printed so many of 

the old woodcuts, which I bothered You

with this spring, – I would also prefer

to avoid printing more of these old ones,

as I often don’t remember, how they

were calculated,: – it is not so strange,

when one has made hundreds of 

blocks, – that it might be difficult

to reorganize them in the correct order

in some cases I have even used

blue or green colours on the uppermost

part of a block, and red or yellow

on the lowest part of the same block

such a block should then be considered as

two blocks, as it has to be printed

twice, – and perhaps with several other

blocks in between. And this spring when I

made so many of the old prints,

it was for Klavenes’ sake,

for whom it was a question of obtaining an

abundant selection – I understood You to mean, that

one should pay particular heed to him

in order that he should be satisfied – and I therefore 

believed it was best to print several 

nùances of the old ones; – the ones Klavenes 

did not wish to have I thought, You might

return or destroy. I did not

intend, that You should make an effort to pawn

the rejected ones off on Your acquaintances, for 

I could well understand that they must have been

"satiated" with my things. 

19/11 IIII and V

Well this letter was abandoned for a few 

days, – I have been quite wretched – 

the choking fits have steadily increased.

I often cannot move. These 

past two nights I have often wished

I were six feet under, – and then I have 

lain awake ruminating 

about Your letter, – and ransacked my

brain to figure out, – what

it is I have done, and what You 

have heard about, that has made

You "sad", and that there is "something

or another that has been offensive" to

You. That one "should be open 

and trustful of one another" I am 

in complete agreement with – and I would like, for You

to be so towards me now and tell

me, what this is about – No, I can- 

not for the life of me figure it out.

I shall treat it completely confidentially. 

I know, that I have many faults – 

among them that I have been extremely

vindictive, – which I have often had

to struggle with, – likewise I

cannot always trust my

own brain and memory – 

but that I towards people, for whom

I have the most profound respect and sympathy,

and towards whom I feel the greatest gra-

titude – that I towards 

these – that is You – should have

done things – that made You sad and

seemed offensive – this is in-

comprehensible to me. –

I have wondered whether it might have

been something, – that You have written about –

and that I have inadvertently forgotten so that 

I have repeated it to others –

but of this I am not in the least

aware, – and I believe that I ⁱⁿ total

certainty dare deny that this

has ever happened – should You

therefore have heard things repeated, which

resemble somewhat, things You have said

or written, You can be certain,

that there is an accidental similarity, and 

that it has in any case not come

from me. Nor can I believe, that I 

have been so careless as to allow

Your letters to lie about, so that someone has 

had the opportunity to read them

I am quite careful. –

I have also thought about, whether there 

have actually been things, that I myself 

have written, – which might make You

sad – and whether in my letters there 

might be "something or other

that might be offensive" – in which

case I must beg Your 

pardon and forgiveness – be so 

"open" towards me as to tell me outright

what it is, – I have felt that there 

was something, before You said it directly

I am very grateful to You for

Doing so, and I would be even more 

grateful to You, for 

telling me, what it is, – I would 

more than gladly be corrected by

You – it would also help me to

control my own mind more effectively.

But when I then remember that 

You say, that You "have heard" etc. then

it could hardly be something I have 

written myself – or at least not

only that. I have spoken with Engel

about this and she reminded me about

what I once said – that time You

sold "Spring Night" to Billedgalleriet

I said that I feared that this

sale, – as much as it pleased me

that I – or rather the picture – might 

be able {…} to pay off 

some of my debt to You, – I

became frightened that this might be

an external cause for a misunderstanding

between us; as I received at the same time

letters from a couple of young painters, in which

VI

one pretended, to be indig-

nant on my behalf, You were not

described in very kind terms, and one

scornfully inquired, how things stood

after this with the friendship

between us – ("they exposed their en-

vy about Your many sales on my behalf –" said 

Engel) I immediately replied to these as I

have replied to everyone, who has mentioned this

sale, – that I was very happy about the sale,

as I owed You far more than the mark-

up – furthermore You had immediately sent

me part of the profit, – just as

You had also commissioned

from me a picture for 1500 Kr.

I said to Engel – (and I believe also to You)

that I would obtain a picture for You

instead, – but the 1500 nor any sum of

money I would not accept from You

after everything, that You have done for me.

But despite this, I was afraid of

misunderstandings; as the terms that were used

about You by these two, were evidently not spoken

only to me, but also to others,

and perhaps in the false guise 

that it was I who was offended, – there

was also one who had claimed that: "Astrup

is furious" – but the person in

question had only presented this as a pre-

sumption, – but You know, – when such things are

repeated in the third person, and then become

the subject of gossip, then it might

easily come back to Your ears in the guise

that it had all originated from

me. My "suspicions" in this 

vein I mentioned back then to

Engel – to others I did not speak about 

what I feared might happen. Perhaps now

this has come true.

Perhaps I should have made You aware of

this in advance, – I may also 

have done so, – but I would have

loathed back then to go into more detail about

particulars and repeat to You things,

which would only hurt Your feelings, – I therefore

may not have mentioned anything about 

what had been said – it was

perhaps a lack of "openness"; –

but I did it for a good reason, –

I despised, what had been said – and I

felt, that You were too good to hear

such talk of Your person repeated.

I may of course without hurting

Your feelings have recounted certain things, such 

as that it was said, – that it was a good

occasion to collect more 

money than the 1800 for the acquisition of

"spring night", – but that one opposed to

taking advantage of it and intentionally stopped

the collection, because one begrudged

more for You etc. but such things I 

thought were too petty to speak of.

I might also have told You – as I

always trust Your discretion – that even

Grieg and Mrs. Schetelig were so thoughtless or

indiscrete that they interrogated me

about the circumstances of that sale – 

they had heard a few things, – I 

then answered them, as others, that You 

may have had a profit,

and that I also had received part

of it, although I owed You 

far more than the entire profit –

You had lent me money,

when things were tight, and I owed You

in fact so much, that I 

would be sincerely happy for You if 

the profit might be much larger.

I think Grieg and Mrs. Schetelig are

the nicest people in the world, and I

cannot therefore imagine, that they might

present the said conversation to You otherwise.

For that matter I might well have

refrained from mentioning this to You; for

I do not suspect these people.

I might rather have thought something of the kind 

about Ørvig, whom I nevertheless do not know,

but I have been informed, (which I

never would have believed), that there are people

in Bergen, who know the content of my

VII

^letter to Ørvig; he must have a meagre 

pleasure in showing it around, I think.

But I can hardly believe, 

that one might build a case against You

out of this letter; – for I did not mention

Your name in the letter – unfortunately I remember

little of that letter, it was wri-

ten in anger, after I received Korsvold’s

letter with the ridiculously low pay-

ment for the picture – it was too 

modestly valued by me to begin with

to think that I should also have one

third cut from the minimum price, which 

I had specifically asked for. – I was

furious with Kaland and furious with

the art association, who according to Korsvold’s

version had demanded such a shame-

faced payment, because I had made use

of their address to Kaland. – And I was

furious at Ørvig or rather his 

"friend", whom I believed was one of my

foes, – I had been informed 

by Kaland (but this be-

tween) us) – that this "friend" stood on the sidelines and

belittled the picture (Ørvig denies 

the presence of this "friend") – and

I wanted to shout at all of them,

and the first one to receive my wrath was Ørvig

or his "friend", – I still cannot 

comprehend, that Ørvig could take it

as well as he did with regard to me.

after that letter, – but he may have 

spoken otherwise to others.

But I cannot as mentioned imagine

that anything in that letter might

be used against You or be offensive

to You, – even though Ørvig now has

the pleasure of broadcasting the contents

of this letter, – I recollect, that I

attempted to persuade him, that

the price was not too high, and that I never

demanded exorbitant prices for my things, and I admittedly

mentioned in that connection; that everyone

who has purchased pictures from me 

and who has had to sell them again,

have always sold with a profit –

but it did not think that these words

could be aimed at You, – nor did I

think of You in particular – there

are so many others, who have

sold my pictures further with a profit

I know at least 5 pictures

from my first exhibition in Kristiania [Oslo]

(it was in 1905 before we became acquainted) have

been sold further at a profit – (without my

having received anything of the profit – with the ex-

ception of Eilif Pettersen’s sale to the gallery

with a profit, which I received).

I regret these words in my letter, if 

they in any way might

affect You, – but I believe and hope,

that such is not the case;

It was also mistaken of me, to

allow my rage to be aimed at Ørvig or

his "friend", whom I thought was one of my

foes – I should have rather allowed it 

be aimed ^at Kaland, – but I was cut off

from doing so by Kaland himself temporarily; as he 

wrote immediately before, that he was leaving

Bergen for a while, and had handed over the pic-

ture to Korsvold; – without giving 

any address; – I could therefore not reach

him by letter in time to prevent

Korsvold’s sale, – it was then I wrote to You

in order to hear, whether it was suitable for You to

receive the picture – in the event I might get

it back from Korsvold, – and You were so

kind as to offer to accept

and sell the picture for me, but by then it 

was too late. To You I would have gladly sold

the picture for half price – but not to anyone

else. Kaland has now since written to

me saying as a kind of apology: that 

he entrusted the picture to Korsvold (without my

consent) with the express message, 

that he (Kosvold) could ask, what he 

could obtain for the picture, – as long as

Astrup got 1500 Kr., whatever Korsvold

might get above that, he could keep

VIII

himself. Even if this is true, which I

do not doubt, – Kaland is not

quite so innocent; since the picture was

commissioned by Ørvig and no one else, and it 

was particularly intended to be included in 

a respectable collection – I have never  

worked so hard on any picture 

as on this one, and Kaland had no

authority to sell the picture to

anyone else, either himself or via Kors-

vold. He must have known, what he

was doing, when he entrusted the picture to

Korsvold whom he must have known, as

the irresponsible person he is. – Kaland

himself has lost 1000 kr. on him, in the sense 

that Korsvold forged {…} ^a name on a 

document – (Korvold has in recent years

steadily edged closer to the boundaries of 

criminality) – and it was extremely decent

of Kaland to pay for him and not

let him be penalised, – but {…}

Kaland has a few stocks and could have

afforded it, – but precisely because he

knew Korsvold so very well, 

he should not have allowed a poor col-

league like myself fall into his claws, –

Kaland knew very well, that I

would not entrust Korsvold with the picture

myself, because I had previously been 

tricked by him over and over again.

When Korsvold subjected me to his first prank

I had recently assisted him with my

last shillings and a picture, so that 

he might escape the long hand of the law, – and when

a while later I sold a picture to the art

association, – Korsvold was paid the

money by the art association under the pre-

text, that he would pay my

debts to 3 businesses, where he was listed

as a guarantor for me (I had or-

dered goods from the same companies 

via Korsvold, who was their agent, – there 

was no other guarantee on his part)

I also believed for a couple of years, that 

Korsvold had paid my debts 

to these companies from the money, that he 

received from the art association, – until one

after the other of these 

companies came with strict ultimatums,

as they had "waited" patiently for me

for so long because of Korsvold’s

intercession on my behalf. Another time 

my life insurance policies had nearly become 

invalid because Korsvold (without my 

asking him) had offered and took it 

upon himself to take out ² six-month poli- 

ciesm for me, – in exchange for a couple of

woodcuts – he also owed me money.

At that time as well I was perfectly sure, 

that everything was taken care of, and it was 

a few months passed the deadline, before I learned

otherwise, – and then it was only 

by the skin of my teeth and lots of negotia-

ing, that I managed to rectify the matter with

the insurance company.

   Korsvold has also been

rude and unpleasant towards me, – 

when I have not been able to "lend" 

him enough money; – once when

I reminded him of previous loans,

he said, that he remembered nothing

about it, – and that bad people

always had such a good memory,

while good people easily 

forgot. One time he came down to

the steamship on a dark evening, when I 

was leaving Bergen – and asked me 

to lend him "a little cash", – as Christmas

was around the corner, and he was "broke". I responded,

that I did not have much to

spare; – and I absolutely did not want to lend him any, 

but if he would accept 75 Kr. as 

a gift to the family for Christmas, – then

he could have it, – (I did ^not have more 

in change and did not feel; that I could spare 

an entire one hundred kroner bill). Korsvold

thanked me and accepted the money – then 

he suddenly became furious over having 

gotten "so little". 75 Kr back then was

IX

not such a small sum, – at least as

much as a couple of hundred are today.

Several of my acquaintances came 

down to the steamship among them 

my sister and several from Förde and

Krantz, – and in the presence of these people

he took up bills and let them

fall to the ground – to show his contempt, 

and when I went up on deck, he followed

after me and abruptly asked; "What

am I going to do with this ^(lousy) money"! and then 

he crumpled the bills together 

in his hand and threw them in the sea.

I nearly hit him

but restrained myself back then and said 

goodnight and went below deck.

It almost amazed me, that I

received anything at all of what Kors-

vold got for the picture, – or that I 

received such a large amount, there is hardly

an artist from West Norway, who has not

been "swindled" by him, – but

Korsvold one can forgive

poor chap, – because he is the wreck

he has become, – he has no moral

scruples if he cheats his friends, –

his thoughts are not focused on anything but whisky,

he lives from hand to mouth

by "hitting on people", and by other less

respectable tricks – Krantz is perhaps

the only artist, who

is not fooled by him, – it

has consequences now and then for 

Krantz’s hair tonic, which is im-

bibed every time Korvold "has 

the opportunity" to do it; but aside from that I believe

Krantz hides his money.

Korsvold on the other hand is never mali-

cious in his deceitfulness and

never slanderous out of malice; and 

then one might even forgive

him everything else. That he will

succeed as a writer, is doubt-

ful, – he is gifted – sad

that he will go to the dogs,

before he manages to create an important

personal work, – he has suffered

too much, – and has, as he 

himself says, "gotten off on the wrong foot". 

He has now become so notorious for

his pranks in Bergen, – that he no

longer can make use of his pre-

vious tricks, – and he is therefore almost

surely often in financial trouble, – the little he 

can earn from an article in Bergens

tidende now and then does not suffice for much

these days, – so it is not strange,

if he has to try out every possible 

means in order to survive; – that troll of 

a woman he has, is also 

partially to blame for his misfortune, but

he should not let 

his poor comrades suffer for it.–

I have mentioned all this so that You 

might be able to understand my vexation ^towards, 

Kaland, who knowing about all the episodes,

nevertheless entrusted my picture to Kors-

vold’s ventures, – nor was it

especially nice for me, that Korsvold

should haul around to every notable

in Bergen for my sake – and thrust

on folks my picture,

one can suffer a greater loss from this than

anyone can reckon – both eco-

nomically and – especially vis-à-vis a

reputation; – for what must people 

think of an artist; who is forced 

to employ such means, going "via

the back door" instead of exhibiting his 

picture or entrusting it to respectable

people who are knowledgeable in art. What Korsvold

actually received for the picture I will probably

never know, and I do not wish to be so

X

indiscrete as to ask Halvorsen about it,

but I have heard via others,

that Korsvold once before – for 

another of my pictures – received the

double or more, than what he {...} ^ùnsolicited   

informed me of, – but this has

nothing to do with me, since Korsvold

had been given that picture as a gift

from me and thus could do as

he wished with it, he admittedly had

no reason to lie to me about it;

as I certainly did not begrudge him 

that much, – on the contrary, – it was precisely

an advantage for my reputation; the

more he received for the picture.

Well as I mentioned Kaland knew Korsvold

well enough not to entrust him with

one of his own pictures, – but I am 

inclined to believe, that he didn’t 

think then, that Korsvold would take

advantage of me as he knew, that I 

was having a particularly difficult time then.

I would think, that Kaland acted 

as he did with good intentions, – that he abso-

lutely wanted have the picture sold for my sake.

He had some time before that received a

few blank copper plates (etching plates),

which I had lying about – these were

hard to get hold of now, – and I guess he 

wanted to show his gratitude to me

by having the picture sold. Since then

he has evidently become angry with

me, – perhaps because of my letter to

Ørvig; – because he sent me 12 kr. for

the copper plates, which he said, that he

had sold as "scrap metal", – this 

upset me; – since he had received them

as a gift from me, after he had asked

if I would sell them to him, – (I

had given more than 20 Kr. for them myself

during the days of economic prosperity) – and the plates were

in just as good condition, – one of them was a little

oxidised (tarnished), but not "rusty", and I

could just as well have used it. It may

be niggling of me to be irritated over

such a matter, – but I also think this was petty 

of Kaland.

But I have strayed from the matter at hand which

is of greater importance to me than anything

else, – what it might be, that

has made You sad and that has been 

offensive – I run out of ideas during these 

long nights – my candle is about to 

go out. – Dear Mrs. Höst is it "Spring Night"

which in some way or other is the cause? 

I heard last autumn in Bergen, that

Mùnch "was supposedly furious" with You

for Your sale of his pictures to Meyer.

This must be just as untrue as the idea

that I might be so, – I could 

never believe this of Mùnch, – and I cannot 

understand that other sensible people

could believe it either, – if for no other reason,

than the mere fact that he is a rich man; – in that case

it is more understandable, that one might

suspect me of such, since I am poor – 

such things belong to the curse

of poverty. Now I truly wish to 

become rich – if I recover and can 

work. It’s a question of turning back to the old 

ways and give up all the new things, which I have struggled

with in recent years. I believe one lies

less to the rich than to the poor,

and that someone has lied about me

to You in connection with Your sale of "spring night",

I am certain of it, – I cannot 

help, what people may have said in

connection with this sale – I have done what

I could to prevent it ^talk, and if I

should be questioned again about 

it – then I would simply reply, that

I have received the entire profit –, if only I

XI

had said this right away – to begin with; –

that way I might have

immediately cut-off all talk – and

and it would not have been a circumvention

of the truth – for I have truly

gained at least as much in the form of

effort and work, which You have performed

for my sake.

   Then I have also thought about whether 

Your words should apply to things that have been said

about me – about my person – things that

in fact actually ^{do not} concern You or

our friendship directly. – Well, I 

have always been the object of gossip, 

lies and slander, – so it would

not surprise me, if You had heard

unfavourable things about my person.

It must be the case, that because I

live in the country, so far from

the centre and thus cannot defend myself,

that I must constantly be the subject 

of gossip – I have only to

remind You of that ignoble and totally untrue

rumour, that deprived me of my grant.

Ladies, whom I hardly knew,

I have been accused of being in a 

relationship with – for example Odda Krohg, whom

I have never met elsewhere than 

at cafe Versaille in Paris together

with all the other Norwegians – it was in 1901

I was 21 year old and Mrs. Krohg was ^probably around 45? –

so it was very unlikely, – but even a

reasonable man such as Henrik Lùnd believed

it in complete seriousness, and told me straight

to my face, – and it was useless, no matter how much I

assured him, or how much I protested, – he

would not believe me; – this story too stemmed

perhaps from Karsten, who was 

the origin and initiator of all the 

rumours about me; – as he, despite the fact that

he was the most drunken painter

in the land, nevertheless told chilling stor-

ies about my drunkenness. – One can 

forgive Karsten, because in his semi-

humoristic, – semi-malicious

manner, he speaks in such a way, that one can

hear that he is lying, – but those, who re-

peat his stories cannot be forgiven.

It is strange incidentally, how these

rumours about my drunkenness persist so

obstinately, – despite the fact that I

dare assert that no one has yet seen me

highly intoxicated, – I often drank ½ a bottle

cognac every morning and abused 

alcohol quite often in the old days

to dull the pain in my afflicted

lùngs; but the continual use made

me "habituated", so that I tolerated so much

that I actually never became "intoxicated".

As I said I drank ½ a bottle of cognac every morn-

ing and often [another] ½ during the course of the day – up

until 5 years ago – when I stopped all

at once. Since then I have not 

touched a dram. – Engel has often 

nearly tried to force me to drink

a glass, when I have been ill,

but I have never desired to taste

more than a little in a tablespoon a 

couple of times; – and whereas it was a bit difficult

to suddenly become a teetotaller in

the beginning, – it has now in recent years  

almost become "a virtue of necessity"; – because I

cannot tolerate liquor, – as my heart begins to

palpitate from one tablespoon, – my heart has

evidently been injured by all the erup-

tive choking fits – and perhaps even

more by the excessive use of potassium iodide

and sodium iodide. Yes it’s strange,

how these drinking episodes 

from Paris still after almost 20 years

duration still endure, – so that a man 

like architect Landmark may even

allow himself to scold me at a

semi-official reception in Bergen,

where there was a gathering of all kinds

of people in connection with the event, where a rich  

man’s villa was to be decorated; – a proposal 

was submitted suggesting that all

West Norwegian painters should decorate the villa

and my name was also mentioned – at which point

Landmark jumped up: "Astrup that drunkard",

no he shall not be allowed here". – I 

have once heard Landmark say about him-

XII

himself, that he "had a hangover"

pointing to his head, – that

time he was evidently not so 

upstanding evidently. I am not a

fanatic – I will gladly drink ½ a bottle

of red wine, when I can get hold of

it, – and I have sipped a little weak

absinth that Krantz brought with him

from abroad, – and I had a taste of 

something strong at Your house (wine or liqueur)

and I would never find anything to cri-

ticise a man for, if he drinks, –

when he is otherwise good, – I never

wish to become an "enlisted" – fanatic

teetotaller, even though I for my

own sake have decided

to never again drink a dram,

and I cannot understand, how people who

drink quite a lot, can speak

indignantly about the drunkenness of others. –

People criticise almost everything, that I

do, when I am in a city for a few days, –

they evidently see everything from the perspective, that it is done 

in a state of drunkenness – I can get a sud-

den impulse, which I follow im-

mediately – without reflecting, – and when You

mention, that there is something or other – You have heard,

which is "offensive" I must remind You of

a little story from the last time I was in

Kristiania [Oslo]. – It was one of my "refined"

relatives who found my behaviour

"offensive" – I could not at the time

have the slightest inkling, that one of my 

haughty relatives might be in my presence, –

or that he by chance should be staying in 

the same house, where the event took place

– in that case I might perhaps have

avoided "offending" him on behalf of

our kinship. I awoke contrary to 

habit perfectly refreshed early one morning

in Kristiania and was so elated and

happy, because I had been able to sleep an

entire night in peace, – I was in a great 

mood and full of pictures in my head, – pic-

tures that I had thought about for years

came flooding to me. I woke 

Krantz, and we went down to the street in magnificent

rain, mud and mist, and everything seemed to me

so strangely cosy and dreamlike – we

had neither eaten nor drank

anything – I had the same sensation as farmers do,

when they arrive in the city – there was so

much to look at, – great gorgeous horses

the laying of cobblestones in Pilestrædet,

water-filled ruts in the road and shiny wet

asphalt, – a frozen and thawed again

faded green poplar, that appeared to

stick up out of a rooftop, – and then all

the funny people in the early mor-

ning hour – people, whose life stor-

ies, one could divine from their appearance, sleepy

and spritely awake, – mostly labourers,

drivers and poor folk. Krantz and I walked along

equally silent, – each in our own thoughts –

he a city man and I a farmer, – and what 

often occurs with a farmer, happened to me –

– an organ grinder attracted my 

attention, – he was so painterly

as he stood inside an entryway, – and I 

thought I heard his impoverished life

story in the tones issuing from his hand organ.

We followed him along with several others

into a couple of courtyards, – I thought

about how many people have to struggle

for a few shillings – he received a couple of öre

in each courtyard – maybe nothing, – but

he just as gaily turned the crank in his shab- 

by positive [fashion], – into one and out of 

another courtroom – they were teeming with motifs, –

one or another half-dressed person

could be glimpsed in the windows, and a couple of times

a piece of paper came flying with a few öre in them.

– perhaps it was too early in the day

for the organ grinder – people accepted "the mu-

sic" gratis during their morning toilet, – one

or another peeked out – a bare arm o-

pened a window, – some painterly children

surrounded the organ grinder, – there was a

morning hour urban romanticism about the

whole scene – I felt sorry for the organ grinder and

had the urge to do something for him – gave 

him a few coins and – – well You will

certainly pardon my crime or my 

whim, – I took the hand organ from him

and played, – took my hat off and smoothed

my long hair neatly down – one 

might think, that I was a poor "artist"

from abroad – and then I sang an

XIII

an improvised song, which I thought

might fit the melody, the organ grinder

and his life story, – and afterwards

I went around with the hat, while

the organ grinder played, and I sang; – 

all the windows were to my astonishment

opened, – the coins rained down, –

I bowed and collected it, and the organ

grinder was utterly delighted, when I

emptied the coins into his hand, – he

wanted to give me half of it, if I agreed to

follow him to the next courtyard, – I laughed

and promised to follow without the money, – and so 

we continued into the next courtyard, where

the scene was repeated, only there were more

and more people around us and in the windows, –

and the coins came flowing in to the hap-

py organ grinder; – I became utterly lightheaded – I had

swallowed all my pride, – I was indeed a 

poor "artist" from abroad – the whole scenario

was a fairy tale from bygone days

and I improvised and sang about the unhappy

organ grinder – and Krantz was very excited

Then a young girl came over to us and uttered

a few words to me, – it was, like when

someone awakens you from a dream, – all she said was:

"You must stop" – I came to myself a little

disoriented and took advantage of the moment – while

Krantz flirted with the girl – to

slip out the gateway. – Later I found

out as mentioned, that a relative had

seen the whole performance and thought he recognised

me, and when he later heard, that I was

in town, he was certain.

It is possible that this and similar whims may have

hurt my reputation. Folkestad

is supposed to have told a story about, how

in Berlin I – after a lively evening in the

Norwegian society – on our way home at

night sang Halling ballads and dances (in fact

together with him and the other Norwegians)

and when we were confronted by a police

officer, – I grabbed him and danced

a Halling dance with him

before he knew what hit him; – this 

is unfortunately almost true, – especially

if one includes my parenthetical digression in the

account. Well enough of that –. It is

strange on the other hand, that so

much fuss is made about me when I merely spend

a couple of days in a city – here in the village where

I have lived for nearly 20 years,

I have the best reputation, which

I did not have by any means, when I arrived

here at the age of 17-18. It is also strange,

that I shall lose one after the other 

of my friends in the cities, while here 

in the village I still have the few friends, which 

I made the moment I arrived here – without there

during these 20 arising even a petty

quarrel, – and now nearly everyone here

wants to be friends with me. It must be because, 

in the cities the gossip never ceases, once

it has been started about a man, – at least

if the man lives outside the city, – while 

in the countryside it ceases, when one

becomes acquainted with the man.

Well now You probably think I have written and 

babbled about nonsense and been

sufficiently "open" and mostly at the expense of

others, You will perhaps say, – yes I 

feel the same way myself, – but it is terribly

difficult to be totally "open" towards

a person without neglecting others

at the same time – that is why one should – in any case

I – have only a few friends, whom one can

trust completely and securely and be so "open" 

and trusting {…} towards that one

might safely go to them with one’s sorrows and

foibles. And if I have not been completely this way

towards You, then it is because I have

not wished to bother You with it, – well now

I have in fact bothered You quite a lot;

and now I shall stop, – but I must first

ask You once more to have such good faith in me,

that You – in exchange for total confidentiality – 

dare tell me, what it is You have heard about me,

which has made You sad and which has been

offensive. I am extremely grieved by

this, but believe for sure that it stems from

malicious people or from a misunderstanding. Engel

also asks that You tell us all

and pardon me.

And in this hope we send our best 

wishes to You and Your family from

Your devoted

N. Astrup

I shall not write

so long-windedly again