Letter
48 Pages
Transcription: Turid Hagelsteen
Translation: Francesca Nichols
Transcription
15/11–1917
Kjære frù Höst!
Tak for Deres brev og for Deres storartede
salg for mig til Ørvik – men – talte
han ikke om billederne, som han skal
have af mig? Jeg har spekuleret paa
om jeg skal sende ham nogen af
de tvivlsomme billeder, jeg nù har, –
eller om jeg skal vente og se, om jeg dog
ikke skùlde komme til at prodùcere
noget bedre, – hvad jeg tror – hvis jeg lever
saa længe da – jeg er nemlig elendig
for tiden – blir værre og værre for hver
nat, – jeg slider frygtelig for at faa
luft – og "tager i" af alle kræfter, saa
jeg synes lùngerne kunde sprænges eller
revne ùnder de sterke hosteanfald, og
naar anfaldene endelig efter 3-4 timers
forlöb er i aftagende, – saa kjendes det
ud som et saar hele brystet, med et koldt
jern i midten, – saa blir jeg saa træt hele
dagen, at jeg maa ligge; – lidet arbeide
kan jeg da gjöre, – grùer mig bare til næ-
ste nat, som jeg veed, blir værre. De maa
derfor ùndskylde mig, at jeg bruger
blyanten, – det er lettere, naar man er
træt og maa ligge. Jeg nævnte arbeide –
nei jeg duger til ingen ting, – ikke engang
til at gjöre "daarlige billleder", – saa der er
ingen fare for at henfalde til denslags
fristelser – jeg har jo gjentagne gange
faaet opfordring fra Aalesùnds kunst-
forening om at udstille der, – men at
lave noget skrap bare for at
skaffe nogen jobbefiskere væggefyld
er meningslöst.
De forstaar ikke min handlemaade
siger De – angaaende de smaasalg, jeg
nævnte i höst, – jeg vilde gjerne
være "aapen" mod Dem og bekjende
mine synder, – derfor fortalte jeg om
disse salg, – men jeg bùrde jo tydelige-
re have forklaret sammenhængen
særlig med hensyn til Prytz, – der er
ogsaa kommet andre momenter til siden.
Prytz laante mig nemlig 100 Kr. i som-
mer, og jeg fik en liden skisse af ham;
til gjengjæld havde jeg da lyst at give
ham et billede, som han var meget
begeistret for, og som han flere gange
havde spurgt, om jeg vilde sælge ham;
han fik da altsaa billedet egent-
lig som gave – det var ikke noget "stort"
billede (under 1 meter); – men da han,
en tid efter, blev endnù mere begeistret
for et af mine störste billeder (Fjös-
frieriet) (halvanden meter), – og da
han saa spùrgte mig, om at faa kjöbe
det, saa syntes jeg nok, at jeg maatte
tage noget for det, selv om det var
af en kollega og ven, – og jeg sagde
da, at han kùnde faa give det, han
vilde; –, han sagde da at han vilde
byde mig 300 Kr., slig at han fik af-
betale paa dette, naar han havde raad; –
jeg lovede ham da billedet paa slige
betingelser. – Da han saa reiste i höst,
gav jeg ham tilbage de 100 Kr., som jeg
havde laant af ham, og han fik de 2
billeder, men da han nù kom til
Kristiania, sendte han mig de 100 Kr.
tilbage igjen, – og nù skriver han,
at han vil forsöge at skaffe mig
300 kr. for billedet til juletider; – det
blir da nù egentlig 400 han kommer
til at give for billederne – eller rettere
billedet; thi det ene billede var som
sagt altsaa egentlig gave. Prytz har
ogsaa nù nettop sendt os et af
sine billeder som gave – rent uventet.
Angaaende de 3 andre billeder, saa
var de ikke "store", – det störste var
en knap meter (et billede fra gaarden her)
de to andre var mindre – en skisse
fra en sæter og en skisse fra Schleswig.
Det var nok saa at vedkommende
dame fik det for billigt, – hùn var
ogsaa et usympathisk menneske , – men
hendes mand, som var med hende den
sidste gang hùn var her gav et saa
sympathisk indtryk, – at det var
væsentlig for hans skyld, jeg gjorde
det; han var öiensynlig lidt af en
töffeldanser og var genert over hendes
II
paagaaenhed. Nù skriver han
at han gjerne vil ha mig til at
male bort nogle kjör, der gaar i
række og rad langs en aasrand paa
sæterbilledet, – synes De man
skal föie folk i sligt, naar det
næsten gjælder pointet i billedet?
De siger, at jeg veed jo, at De kan
skaffe mig mangedobbelt for bil-
lederne, – ja det tvivler jeg ikke paa, –
men jeg syntes, at jeg havde plaget Dem
saa meget för med mine ting, – at jeg
ikke vilde plage Dem med smaa-
billeder, der havde kostet mig mindre
arbeide end et af de större træsnit,
især naar jeg tilfældigvis kunde sælge
dem paa stedet, træsnit har jeg jo
aldrig solgt udenfor Dem – med und-
tagelse af det som Krantz solgte hos
Didrik Andersen – til noksaa dröi pris, –
men det var ogsaa indlagt der af Dem.
Ved begge disse salg i höst fik jeg
ogsaa bestemt löfte om fra vedkom-
mende om at hemmeligholde prisen, –
og jeg selv har heller ikke nævnt den
til andre end Dem – saa jeg tror ikke
folk kan have hört noget om
disse salg, – andre "billige" salg af
billeder har ikke existeret i senere
aar med ùndtagelse af hint billede,
som var bestilt af Ørvik, – men
som han vragede – og som mod min
udtrykkelige vilje blev overladt
til Korsvolds <söl>; – jeg veed heller
ikke om dette billede blev solgt for
billigt – thi jeg veed ikke og faar vel
aldrig vide hvad Korsvold fik for det.
Jeg forlangte 1500 Kr. for det og det
var i grùnden for billigt – men
jeg sagde ogsaa til Kaland, at det
var mindsteprisen – og saa fik
jeg bare 1000 Kr. af Korsvold. Det var
meningslöst lidet for ½ aars ar-
beide (egentlig 2 höst halvaar)
Jeg syntes selv, – og Krantz syntes det
samme, – at det var et af mine
Angaaende Ørvigs liste, saa har jeg
skrevet den af og sender den tilbage –
jeg fik i sidste öieblik reddet den
fra Arnold Böklin som havde faaet
tag i den, – hvis jeg blir saa pas
frisk i löbet af vinteren, skal jeg sende
tryk af alle de altsaa, som ikke er
mærkede med kryds – men kjære
frù Höst – det gaar da ikke an
at De sælger bort alle Ingers tryk;
thi det er jo paa det ùvisse, om jeg kan
skaffe igjen saa gode, – send mig
i allefald en liste over, hvilke hun
har igjen,– saa jeg kan vide, hvilke
hùn mangler; – fordi om hùn, efter
hvad jeg har hört fik 800 kr. for et
af mine billeder, skal hùn da ikke
maatte overlade alle sine træsnit.
Jeg fik jo desùden en del af de penge
som hùn fik for billedet – mere end
nok – en anden dame som kjöbte
et af mine billeder paa den förste
utdstilling i Kristiania for 40 eller 50 Kr.
solgte ogsaa sit billede igjen for 800 Kr,
og deraf fik jeg ikke en öre.
Send mig da ogsaa ligeledes en liste
over Deres egne tryk, saa jeg kan vide,
hvad De ogsaa mangler; – jeg veed jo
at De og Inger mangler "Kverngang"
og jeg har trykt et exemplar til
Dem, men vilde gjerne trykke flere
forat De kunde ha noget at vælge
i blandt. De skal selvfölgelig ikke
betale noget for det; jeg blev forbaùset
og næsten lidt "stödt", da De skrev,
at Höst tænkte at kjöbe det, men
fandt Deres pris for dröi, – jeg troede
namlig det var en aftale fra gam-
mel tid at De og Inger skulde ha
et exemplar af hvert træsnit, som
III
jeg maatte lave, – forùdsat at
De da bröd Dem om at ha det;
og at De intet skùlde betale – uden-
for det, som De allerede havde
betalt paa forhaand i form af
stræv og arbeide for min skyld; –
Desùden gav De mig jo i fjor höst
Kr. 100 for et tryk, og jeg tog imod
pengene, fordi jeg var paa reise, – men
jeg bad om faa betragte det som laan;
som jeg enten maatte faa lov at betale
igjen i penge, eller faa levere et
billede for, – træsnit vilde jeg ikke
byde Dem derfor, – da De som nævnt
alligevel skùlde have et exemplar
af, hvad jeg maatte love i den retning af
nyt. Jeg troede ogsaa, at jeg ivaar havde
mindet Dem om de 100 kr. som jeg skyldte
og at De maatte faa Dem dækket af hvad
De da solgte af træsnit for mig. Naar
De da intet nævnte derom, troede jeg at
De heller vilde lade de 100 Kr. gaa
ind i det billede, som jeg havde lovet
Dem, – og naar jeg da skùlde tage imod
Kr. 100 paa et billede, som De egent-
lig skùlde havt ùden penge, saa
syntes jeg, at De da maatte have
noget som var rigtigt godt, – og det
vidste jeg ikke, om jeg havde, derfor
sendte jeg ikke noget i vaar – jeg troede
De kom hid i sommer, og at De da kùn-
de seet paa mine ting –, om der var noget
De likte. Nu skal jeg da vælge ud 3-4
af de ting, som jeg tror er bedst af mine
ting og sende Dem engang i vinterens löb – saa
De kan se paa dem – men jeg vil nù gjerne
faa lov at betale tilbage de 100 Kr. som jeg
har faaet saa at sige i forskùd paa billedet,
saa var det engang isommer, at De sendte
mig penge til laans, – senere skrev De at
De havde solgt træsnit for henimod dette
belöb – hvor meget manglede? Saa vil jeg,
hvis jeg ikke fornærmer Dem derved faa
lov at sende begge belöb nù medens jeg
har penge – jeg veed jo ogsaa, at De
har lagt ùd for mig forskjelligt –
har De noget imod at jeg da sender 200?
Angaaende Ørvik forstaar jeg det slig
at han altsaa gjerne vil ha flere tryk
senere ogsaa – af eventuelt nye – ogsaa?
Jeg skal da sende, naar jeg har – hvis jeg
da ikke plager Dem, – men vær saa
snilde at sige ifra, – jeg forstaar jo saa
vel, hvad De maa have af arbeide med
Deres hùs i slige tider, – og jeg vil være
taknemlig for at De siger fra naar
de ikke har tid.
Saa beder De mig lave en hel serie
træsnit og sende Dem til at vise Hr.
Klavenes – det skal jeg gjöre, – det var
jo derfor jeg i fjor trykte saa mange af
de gamle træsnit, som jeg plagede Dem
med i vaar, – jeg vilde ellers ogsaa helst
undgaa at trykke flere af disse gamle,
da jeg ofte ikke erindrer helt, hvorledes de
var beregnede,: – det er jo ikke saa rart,
naar man har lavet flere hùndrede
plader, – at det da kan være vanskeligt
at finde dem frem i den rigtige orden
i enkelte tilfælde har jeg jo ogsaa brugt
blaa eller grönne farver paa den överste
del af en plade, og röde eller gùle
paa den nederste del af samme plade
en saadan plade er da at betragte som
to plader, da der maa trykkes 2 gange
med den, – og kanske med flere andre
plader imellem. Og naar jeg ivaar
lavede saa mange af de gamle tryk,
saa var det af hensyn til Klavenes,
som det gjaldt at skaffe et særligt
rigt ùdvalg – jeg forstod Dem slig, at
der maatte tages særlige hensyn til ham
saa han blev fornöiet – og jeg troede
derfor at gjöre rettest i at trykke flere
nùancer af de gamle; – hvad Klavenes da
ikke vilde have mente jeg, De kunde
retoùrnere eller tilintet gjöre. Jeg mente
ikke, at De skulde stræve med at afhænde
det vragede til Deres bekjendte, thi det
kùnde jeg godt forstaa at de maatte være
"mættede" med mine ting.
19/11 IIII og V
Ja dette brev blev nok liggende nogle
dage, – jeg har været rent elendig –
kvælningsanfaldene har öget stadig.
Jeg kan ofte ikke röre mig. Disse
to sidste nætter har jeg ofte önsket
mig ùnder torven, – og saa har jeg
ligget og tænkt frem og tilbage
paa Deres brev, – og gransket min
hjerne for at komme efter, – hvilke
ting det er jeg har gjort, og som De
har hört om, og som har gjort
Dem "trist", og at der er "et og
andet som har virket stödenden" paa
Dem. At man "bùrde være aapne
og tillidsfulde mod hinanden" er jeg
fuldt enig i – og jeg vilde önske, at De
nù vil være det mod mig og fortælle
mig, hvilke ting dette er – Nei jeg kan
ikke med min bedste vilje finde det ùd.
Jeg skal bevare den dybeste taushed.
Jeg veed, at jeg har mange feil –
blandt andet har jeg været frygtelig
hævngjærrig, – hvad jeg ofte har
maattet bekjæmpe, – ligesaa kan
jeg ikke altid lite helt paa min
egen hjerne og hùkommelse –
men at jeg overfor mennesker, som
jeg har den dybeste respect og sympathi
for og som jeg föler den störste tak-
nemlighed mod – at jeg ligeoverfor
disse – Eder altsaa – skulde have
gjort ting – der gjorde Dem trist og
virket stödende – det er mig ùbe-
gripeligt. –
Jeg har tænkt paa om det skul-
de være ting, – som De har skrevet om –
og som jeg har forglemt mig slik at
jeg har fortalt igjen til andre –
men dette er jeg mig ikke paa nogen
maade bevidst, – og jeg tror at jeg med fùld
tryghed tör sige mig fri for at det
nogensinde har hændt – skùlde De
derfor have hört ting igjen, som
lignede noget af, hvad De har sagt
eller skrevet, saa kan De være sikker
paa, at det er en tilfældig lighet, og
at det i allefald ikke er kommet
fra mig. Heller ikke kan jeg tro, at jeg
har været saa uforsigtig at lade
Deres breve ligge slig, at nogen har
kùnnet faa anledning at læse dem
jeg er noksaa forsigtig. –
Saa har jeg tænkt paa, om det
virkelig skulde være ting, som jeg selv
har skrevet, – som kunde gjöre Dem
trist – og om der i mine breve
skùlde have været "et og andet
som har virket stödende" – i saa
tilfælde maa jeg bede Dem inderlig om
ùndskyldning og tilgivelse – vær saa
"aapen" mod mig at sige det lige ud
hvad det er, – jeg har fölt at der
var noget, förend De sagde det directe
jeg er Dem meget taknemlig for at
De gjorde det, og jeg vil være Dem
endnù mere taknemlig, for at De
vil sige mig, hvad det er, – jeg vil
mere end gjerne blive korrexet af
Dem – det vil ogsaa hjælpe mig til
bedre at kontrollere min egen hjerne.
Men naar jeg saa husker paa at
De siger, at De "har hört" o.s.v. saa kan
det altsaa neppe være noget jeg har
skrevet selv – eller i allefald ikke
bare det. Jeg har talt med Engel
om dette og hùn mindede mig om
hvad jeg engang sagde – den gang De
solgte "Vaarnatten" til Billedgalleriet
jeg sagde at jeg var bange for at dette
salg, – saa meget som det end glædede mig
at jeg – eller rettere billedet – kùnde
faa anledning {…} til at afbetale
lidt paa min gjæld til Dem, – saa var
jeg altsaa bange for at dette kùnde bli
en ydre anledning til en misforstaaelse
mellem os; thi jeg fik dengang samtidig
brev fra et par ùnge malere, hvori
VI
man lod, som om man var forar-
gede paa mine vegne, der blev ikke
talt rigtig pent om Dem, og der blev
haanlig spùrgt, om hvorledes det nù
efter dette stod til med venskabet
mellem os – ("de röbede sin misùn-
delse over Deres mange salg for mig –" sa
Engel) Jeg svarede straks disse som jeg
har svaret alle, der har berört hint
salg, – at jeg var meget glad over salget,
da jeg skyldte Dem meget mere end avan-
cen – desùden havde De straks sendt
mig en del af avancen, – ligesom
De ogsaa havde gjort en bestilling
hos mig paa et billede til 1500 Kr.
Jeg sagde til Engel – (og jeg tror ogsaa til Dem)
at jeg vilde skaffe Dem et billede
i stedet, – men de 1500 eller overhovedet
penge vilde jeg ikke modtage fra Dem
efter alt, hvad De havde gjort for mig.
Men tiltrods for dette, var jeg bange for
misforstaaelser; thi de udtryk som brugtes
om Dem af hine to, blev vel ikke sagt
bare til mig, men ogsaa til andre,
og kanske i den ùsandfærdige form
at det var jeg som var forarget, – der
var ogsaa en som havde sagt at: "Astrup
skal være rasende" – men vedkommen-
de havde bare fremsatt dette som en for-
modning, – men De veed, – naar sligt blev
sagt igjen i fortællende form, og saa blev
gjenstand for sladder, saa kunde det
snart komme tilbage til Dem i den form
at det alt sammen var kommen fra
mig. Mine "bange ahnelser" i denne
retning omtalte jeg allsaa dengang til
Engel – andre talte jeg ikke med om
hvad jeg frygtede kùnde hænde. Nù er
det kanske dette som er gaaet i opfyldelse.
Jeg burde kanske paa forhaand gjort Dem
opmærksom paa dette, – kanske jeg
ogsaa gjorde det, – men jeg vilde jo
nödig dengang gaa nærmere ind paa
detailler og repetere for Dem ting,
som bare vilde saare Dem, – derfor
nævnte jeg kanske ikke noget om
hvad der blev sagt – det var
kanske en mangel paa "aapenhed"; –
men jeg gjorde det i en god hensigt, –
jeg foragtede, hvad der blev sagt – og jeg
syntes, De var for god til at höre
igjen den slags omtale af Deres person.
Jeg kùnde jo rigtignok kanske ùden at
saare Dem have fortalt slige ting, som
at der blev sagt, – at der var god
anledning til at faa indsamlet flere
penge end de 1800 til indkjöbet af
"vaarnatten", – men at man ikke vilde
benytte sig deraf og med vilje standsede
indsamlingen, fordi man ikke ùndte
Dem mere o.s.v. men sligt syntes
jeg nærmest var smaaligt at tale om.
Jeg kunde ogsaa fortalt Dem – da jeg
jo altid stoler paa Deres taushed – at selv
Grieg og fru Schetelig var tankelöse eller
indiscrete nok til at de spurgte mig
ùd om forholdet med hint salg –
de havde hört forskjelligt, – jeg
svarede da dem, som andre, at De
nok havde havt nogen avance,
og at jeg ogsaa havde faaet del
deri, endskjönt jeg skyldte Dem
meget mere end hele avancen –
De havde baade laant mig penge,
naar det knep, og jeg skyldte Dem
i det hele taget saa meget, at jeg
ùndte Dem det inderlig vel om
avancen var bleven meget större.
Jeg synes Grieg og frù Schetelig er
verdens hyggeligste mennesker, og jeg
kan derfor ùmùlig tænke mig, at de kùnde
fremstille for Dem hin samtale anderledes.
Jeg kunde for den sags skyld godt
ladt være at nævne dette for Dem; thi
jeg har ingen mistanke til disse mennesker.
Da kunde jeg snarere tænke noget sligt
til Ørvig, som jeg dog ikke kjender,
men jeg er bleven meddelt, (hvad jeg
aldrig kùnde have troet), at der er folk
i Bergen, som kjender indholdet af mit
VII
brev til Ørvig; han maatte have en daarlig
fornöielse af at vise det frem, synes jeg.
Men jeg kan dog vanskelig tænke mig,
at der kùnde laves noget ùd af dette
brev mod Dem; – thi jeg nævnte ikke
Deres navn i brevet – jeg hùsker desværre
lidet igjen af hint brev, der blev skre-
vet i hidsighed, da jeg fik Korsvolds
brev med den meningslöst lave be-
taling for billedet – det var for
billigt taxeret af mig paa forhaand
om jeg ikke ogsaa skulde beskjæres
en trediedel af den mindstepris, som
jeg bestemt havde forlangt. – Jeg var
rasende paa Kaland og rasende paa
kunstforeningen, som efter Korsvolds
fremstilling havde taget sig saa skam-
melig betalt, for at jeg havde benyttet
dens adresse til Kaland. – Og jeg var
rasende paa Ørvig eller rettere hans
"ven", som jeg troede var en af mine
fiender, – jeg var af Kaland
bleven ùnderrettet om (men dette mel-
lem) os) – at denne "ven" stod bag og
rakkede ned billedet (Ørvig benegter
tilstedeværelsen af denne "ven") – og
jeg havde lyst at skjelde dem ud alle,
og det gik da först ùd over Ørvig
eller hans "ven", – jeg kan endnù
ikke fatte, at Ørvig kùnde tage det
saa pent som han gjorde overfor mig.
efter hint brev, – men han har kanske
sagt andet til andre.
Men jeg kan som sagt ikke tænke
mig, at noget i hint brev kùnde
brùges mod Dem eller virke stödende
paa Dem, – selv om Ørvig nù har
fornöielse af at pùblicere indholdet
af dette bev, – jeg erindrer, at jeg
forsögte at overbevise ham om, at
prisen ikke var for höi, og at jeg aldrig
var dyr paa mine ting, og jeg nævnte
rigtignok i den forbindelse; at alle
som har kjöbt billeder af mig
og som har maattet sælge dem igjen,
har altid solgt med avance –
men jeg troede ikke at disse ord
kùnde sigte henimod Dem, – tænkte
heller ikke paa Dem specielt – der
er jo saa mange andre, som har
solgt mine billeder igjen med avance
jeg kjender til at mindst 5 billeder
fra min förste ùdstilling i Kristiania
(det var i 1905 förend vi var kjendte) er
solgte igjen med avance – (ùden at jeg
har faaet noget af avancen – med ùnd-
tagelse af Eilif Pettersen’s salg til galleriet
med avance, som jeg fik).
Jeg beklager disse ord i mit brev, hvis
de skulde paa nogen maade kùnne
beröre Dem, – men jeg tror og haaber,
at saa ikke kan være tilfældet;
Det var jo ogsaa en feil af mig, at jeg
lod min vrede gaa ùd over Ørvig eller
hans "ven", som jeg troede var en af mine
fiender – jeg bùrde jo hellere ladt dem
gaa ud over Kaland, – men jeg var afskaaret
derfra af Kaland selv forelöbig; thi han
skrev nemlig straks forùd, at han reiste
bort fra Bergen for en tid, og overlod bil-
ledet til Korsvold; – uden at opgive
nogen adresse; – jeg kùnde da ikke naa
ham med brev tidsnok til at hindre
Korsvolds salg, – da var det jeg skrev til Dem
for at höre, om det var Dem beleiligt at
modtage billedet – ifald jeg kùnde faa
det fra Korsvold igjen, – og De var saa
elskværdig at tilbyde Dem at modtage
og sælge billedet for mig, men det var
da forsent. Til Dem havde jeg gjerne solgt
billedet for halv pris – men ikke til nogen
anden. Kaland har nù senere skrevet til
mig og siger som en slags undskyldning: at
han overlod billedet til Korsvold (uden mit
samtykke) med den udtrykkelige beskjed,
at han (Kosvold) kùnde tage, hvad han
kùnde opdrive for billedet, – naar bare
Astrup fik 1500 Kr., hvad Korsvold
kunde faa derover, kunde han beholde
VIII
selv. Selv om dette er sandt, hvad
jeg ikke betvivler, – saa er Kaland ikke
helt at undskylde; thi billedet var
bestilt af Ørvig og ingen anden, og det
var særlig beregnet paa at komme i
en god samling – jeg har aldrig gjort
mig saa megen umag med noget billede
som med dette, og Kaland havde ingen
bemyndigelse til at sælge billedet til
andre, hverken selv eller gjennom Kors-
vold. Han maatte vel vide, hvad han
gjorde, naar han overlod billedet til
Korsvold som han vel kjendte, som
den ùvederheftige person han er. – Kaland
har jo selv tabt 1000 kr. paa ham, derved
at Korsvold benyttede {…} et navn paa et
papir – (Korvold har jo i de senere aar
stadig bevæget sig paa grændsen af det
kriminelle) – og det var jo meget pent
af Kaland at betale for ham og ikke
lade ham blive straffet, – men {…}
Kaland har jo lidt aktier og kùnde
taale det, – men nettop fordi han
kjendte saa inderlig vel til Korsvold,
bùrde han ikke lade en fattig kol-
lega som mig falde i hans klör, –
Kaland vidste meget godt, at jeg
ikke selv vilde betroet Korsvold
billedet, fordi jeg tidligere var bleven
lùmpet af ham gang paa gang.
Da Korsvold gjorde mig det förste puds,
havde jeg nylig hjùlpet ham med mine
sidste skillinger og et billede, for at
han skùlde undgaa lovens haand, – og da
jeg en tid efter solgte et billede til kunst-
foreningen, – fik Korsvold udbetalt pen-
gene af kunstforeningen ùnder foregi-
vende af, at han skùlde betale min
gjæld til 3 firmaer, hvor han stod
som garantist for mig (jeg havde be-
stilt varer hos samme firmaer gjen-
nem Korsvold, der var agent for disse, – det
var ingen anden garantering fra hans side)
Jeg troede da ogsaa i et par aar, at
Korsvold havde betalt min gjæld
til disse firmaer af de penge, han
fik af kunstforeningen, – indtil det
ene efter det andet af disse
firmaer kom med strenge krav,
da de havde "ventet" mig taalmodig
saa længe paa grùnd av Korsvolds
forbön for mig. En anden gang
var mine livspolicer nær bleven
ùgyldige fordi Korsvold (uden min
opfordring) havde tilbùdt sig og paa
taget sig at ordne 2 halvaarspræmi-
erm for mig, – mod at faa et par
træsnit – han skyldte mig ogsaa penge.
Dengang troede jeg ogsaa aldeles sikkert,
at alt var ordnet, og der gik et par
maaneder over tiden, förend jeg fik
vide andet, – og det var da kùn med
nöd og neppe og megen underhand-
ling, at jeg fik ordnet sagen med
assùranceselskabet.
Korsvold har ogsaa været
fræk og ubehagelig mod mig, –
naar jeg ikke har kùnnet "laane"
ham nok penge; – engang da
jeg minded ham om tidligere laan,
sa han, at han intet erindrede
derom, – og at daarlige mennesker
altid havde slig god hukommelse,
medens gode mennesker saa lett
glemte. Engang kom han ned paa
dampskibet en mörk kveld, da jeg
skulde reise fra Bergen – og bad mig
laane sig "lidt penge", – da jùlen stod
for dören, og han var "blank". Jeg svarede,
at det ikke var meget, jeg kùnde und-
være; – og laane ham vilde jeg slett ikke,
men vilde han tage imod 75 Kr. som
en foræring til familien til jùl, – saa
skulde han faa det, – (jeg havde ikke mere
i smaat og syntes ikke; jeg kùnde undvære
en hel hùndrekroneseddel). Korsvold
takkede og tog imod pengene – da blev
han pludselig rasende over at han
fik "saa lidet". 75 Kr var dengang
IX
ikke saa lidet, – mindst saa
meget som et par hundrede er nu.
Der kom flere af mine bekjendte
ned paa dampskibet deriblandt
min söster og flere fra Förde og
Krantz, – og i disse menneskers paa
syn tok han op sedler og lod dem
falde ned – for at vise sin foragt,
og da jeg gik op paa dæk, fùlgte han
efter og spùrgte plùdselig; "Hvad
skal jeg med disse (lùsede) penge"! og saa
krammede han sedlerne sammen
i haanden og kastede dem i sjöen.
Jeg havde nær slaaet til ham
men beherskede mig dengang og bad
godnat og gik nedenùnder.
Det forùndrede mig nærmest, at jeg
i detheletaget fik noget af det, Kors-
vold fik for billedet, – eller at jeg
fik saapas meget, der er vel neppe
en vestlandskùnstner, som ikke er
bleven "lurt" af ham, – men
Korsvold stakkar kan man da
tilgive, – fordi han er bleven det vrag
han er, – han har ingen moralske
skrupler om han snyder sine venner, –
han tænker neppe længe end til whisky,
han lever fra haand til mùnd af
at "slaa folk", og ved andre mindre
hæderlige knep – Krantz er kanske
den eneste af kunstnerne, som
ikke lader sig lùre af ham, – det
gaar nok af og til lidt ud over
Krantz’s haarvand, som blir op-
drùkket hver gang Korvold "ser
sit snit" dertil; men ellers tror jeg
nok Krantz hjemmer sine penge.
Korsvold er imidlertid aldrig ond-
skabsfuld i sin lögnagtighed og
aldrig sladderagtig af ondskab; og
da kan man næsten tilgive
ham alt andet. Om der blir
nogen digter af ham, er vel tvivl-
somt, – begavet er han – sörgeligt
at han skal gaa slig i hùndene,
förend han faar gjort noget större
personligt arbeide, – han har havt
det alt for ondt, – og er, som han
selv siger, "kommen i en skjæv stilling".
Han er nù bleven saa kjendt for
sine streger i Bergen, – at han ikke
længer kan benytte sig af sine tidli-
gere knep, – og han lider derfor nù
sikkerlig ofte nöd, – det lille han
kan tjene paa en artikkel i Bergens
tidende af og til forslaar ikke stort
i disse tider, – saa det er ikke rart,
om han maa forsöge alle slags ud-
veie for at klare sig; – det kvinde-
trold, han har, er vel ogsaa for
en del skyld i hans ùlykke, men
han burde ikke lade det gaa
ud over sine fattige kamerater. –
Jeg har fortalt alt dette for at De
skùlle kùnne forstaa min ærgrelse over,
at Kaland, som kjendte alle historierne,
skulde overlade mit billede til Kors-
volds spekulationer, – det var jo heller
ikke hyggeligt for mig, at Korsvold
skulde drasse rundt til alle störrelser
i Bergen for min skyld – og nöde
ind paa folk mit billede,
sligt kan man tabe mere paa end
nogen kan beregne – baade öko-
nomisk og – særlig hvad en renommè
angaar; – thi hvad maa ikke folk
tænke om en kunstner; som er nödt
at betjene sig af slige midler, og "gaa
bagveien" istedenfor at udstille sit
billede, eller anbringe det hos hæderlige
og kunsforstandige folk. Hvad Korsvold
virkelig fik for billedet faar jeg vel
aldrig vide, og jeg vil ikke være saa
X
indiscret at spörge Halvorsen derom,
men jeg har hört gjennem andre,
at Korsvold tidligere engang – for
et andet af mine billeder – fik det
doble eller mere, end han {…} ùopfordret
opgav for mig, – men dette kommer
ikke mig noget ved, da Korsvold
havde faaet hint billede til foræring
hos mig og saaledes kunde gjöre med
det, hvad han vilde, han behövede jo
rigtignok ikke at lyve for mig derom;
thi jeg misùndte ham det saavist
ikke, – tvert imod, – det var jo nettop
en fordel for mit renommè; jo
mere han fik for billedet.
Ja som sagt Kaland kjendte Korsvold
for godt til at han vilde overladt ham
en af sine egne billeder, – men jeg vil
nù nærmest tro, at han dengang
ikke tænkte, at Korsvold vilde be-
nytte sig af mig da han vidste, at jeg
havde det særligt vanskelig i den tid.
Jeg vil nærmest tro, at Kaland gjorde
det i en god hensigt, – at han abso-
lùt vilde faa billedet solgt for mig.
Han havde en tid i forveien faaet en
del blanke kobberplader (raderplader),
som jeg havde liggende – slige var
vanskelige at opdrive nù, – og han
vilde vel vise mig sin taknemlighed
ved at faa billedet solgt. Nu siden
er han vistnok bleven fornærmet paa
mig, – kanske paa grund af mit brev til
Ørvig; – thi han sendte mig 12 kr. for
kobberpladerne, som han sagde, at han
havde solgt som "skrabkobber", – det likte
jeg daarligt; – thi han havde faaet dem
til foræring hos mig, fordi han spùrgte
om jeg vilde sælge dem til ham, – (jeg
havde selv givet over 20 Kr. for dem
i de billige tider) – og pladerne var
lige brugbare, – en enkelt var lidt
oxyderet (anlöbet), men ikke "irret", og jeg
kùnde brugt den lige godt. Det kan
være smaaligt af mig at ærgre mig over
sligt, – men jeg syntes ogsaa dette var smaaligt
af Kaland.
Men jeg er kommen bort fra saken som
er af större betydning for mig end alt
andet, – hvad det kan være, som
har gjort Dem trist og som har virket
stödende – jeg tænker mig tom i disse
lange nætter – mit stearinlys gaar snart
ùnder. – Kjære fru Höst er det "Vaarnatten"
som paa en eller anden maade er aarsagen?
Jeg hörte i fjor höst i Bergen, at
Mùnch "skùlde være rasende" paa Dem
for Deres salg av hans billeder til Meyer.
Dette er vel ligesaa lögnagtigt som
at jeg skùlde være det, – sligt kan jeg
aldrig tro til Mùnch, – og jeg kan ikke
forstaa at andre fornùftige mennesker
kan tro det heller, – om ikke for andet,
saa bare fordi han er en rig mand; – da
er det mere forstaaeligt, at man kan
mistænke mig for sligt, da jeg er fattig –
saadant hörer med til fattigdommens
forbandelser. Nù tror jeg sandelig jeg vil
blive rig – hvis jeg da blir frisk og kan
arbeide. Det er at ro sig tilbage i den gamle
gade og opgive alt det nye, jeg har slidt
med i de senere aar. Jeg tror man lyver
mindre paa rigfolk end på fattigfolk,
og at nogen har löiet noget paa mig
for Dem i anledning Deres salg af "vaarnatten",
det tror jeg sikkert, – jeg kan jo ikke
hjælpe for, hvad folk maa have sagt i
anledning hint salg – jeg har gjort hvad
jeg kùnde for at hindre det snak, og om jeg
oftere skulde blive udspùrgt desangaa-
ende – da vil jeg simpelthen svare, at
jeg har faaet hele avancen –, havde jeg
XI
bare sagt dette straks – fra först af;
paa den maade kùnde jeg kanske
straks have afspist all snak – og
det havde ikke været nogen omgaaelse
af sandheden – thi jeg havde virkelig
faaet mindst saa meget i form af
stræv og arbeide, som De havde udfört
for min skyld.
Saa har jeg ogsaa tænkt paa om
Deres ord skùlde gjælde ting som er sagt
om mig – om min person – ting som
altsaa egentlig ikke berörer Dem eller
vort venskab directe. – Ja, jeg
har jo altid været gjenstand for sladder,
lögn og bagvaskelse, – saa det skulde
ikke ùndre mig, om De havde hört
ufordelagtige ting om min person.
Det maa være den omstændighed, at jeg
bor paa landet, saa langt ùdenfor
centrùm og derfor ikke kan forsvare mig,
som gjör, at jeg stadig skal blive gjenstand
for sladder – Jeg behöver jo bare at
minde om den gemene og helt lögnagtige
sladderhistorie, som fratog mig stipendiet.
Damer, som jeg næsten ikke har kjendt,
er jeg bleven beskyldt for at staa i
forhold til – f.ex. Odda Krohg, som
jeg aldrig har truffet andre steder end
paa kafe Versaille i Paris sammen
med alle de andre norske – det var i 1901
jeg var 21 aar og frù Krohg var vel omkring de 45? –
saa det var svært troligt, – men selv en
fornùftig mand som Henrik Lùnd troede
det for fuldt alvor, og sagde det ærlig ud
til mig, – og det nyttede ikke, hvad jeg for-
sikrede, og hvormeget jeg protesterede, – han
vilde ikke tro mig; – denne historie skrev
sig kanske ogsaa fra Karsten, som vel var
oprindelsen og begyndelsen til alle sladder-
historier om mig; – da han, tiltrods for at
han vel var den mest fordrùkne maler
i landet, dog fortalte haarreisende histo-
rier om min drùkkenskab. – Man kan
tilgive Karsten, fordi han paa sin halvt
humoristiske, – halvt ondskabsfùlde
maade, fortæller slig, at man kan
höre han lyver, – men de, som benyt-
ted sig af hans historier kan ikke tilgives.
Det er forresten mærkelig, hvor disse
drùkkenskabs historier om mig, holder
sig haardnakket, – tiltrods for at jeg
tör paastaa at ingen endnù har seet mig
overstadig berùset, – jeg drak jo gjerne ½ fl.
kognak hver morgen og brugte i det
hele taget meget akohol i gamle dage
for at döive smerterne i mine daarli-
ge lùnger; men den stadige brùg gjorde
mig "vant", saa jeg taalte saa meget.
at jeg egentlig aldrig blev "fuld".
Som sagt jeg drak ½ fl. kognak hver mor-
gen og gjerne ½ i löbet af dagen – lige
til for 5 aar siden – da jeg sluttede med
en gang. Siden den gang har jeg ikke
smagt en dram. – Engel har ofte
næsten villet tvinge mig til at drikke
et glas, naar jeg har været daarlig,
men jeg har aldrig villet smage
mere end lidt op i en spiseske et
par gange; – og om det end var lidt haardt
at blive afholdsmand med en gang i den
første tid, – saa er det nù i de senere aar
nærmest "dyd af nödvendighed"; – thi jeg
taaler ikke brændevin, – da jeg faa hjærte-
bank bare af en spiseske, – hjærtet er
vist bleven daarligt af alle de spræn-
gende kvælningsanfald – og kanske endnù
mere af den megen brùg af jodkaliùm
og jodnatriùm. Ja det er mærkelig,
hvor disse drùkkenskabs historierne
fra Paris endnù efter næsten 20 aars
forlöb holder sig, – saa at en mand
som arkitekt Landmark endog kan
tillade sig at skjælde mig ud i et
halvt officielt selskab i Bergen,
hvor der var möde af mange slags
folk i anledning af, at der skùlde deco-
reres i en rigmands villa; – der blev
fremfört et forslag om at faa alle
vestlandsmalerne at decorere villaen
og mit navn blev ogsaa nævnt – da fòr
Landmark op: "Astrup den fyllebötta",
nei han skal ikke kommer der". – Jeg
har engang hört Landmark sige om sig
XII
sig selv, at han "havde dagen derpaa"
og han pegte paa sit hoved, – den-
gang var han altsaa ikke saa
moralsk altsaa. Jeg er ingen
fanatiker – jeg drikker gjerne ½ fl.
rödvin, naar jeg kan faa fat paa
den, – og jeg har smagt lidt tynd
absint som Krantz havde med sig
fra udlandet, – og jeg smagte vist
noget sterkt hos Dem (vin eller liqùeùr)
og jeg vil aldrig finde noget at ud-
sætte paa en mand, om han drikker, –
naar han ellers er bra, – jeg vil
aldrig blive nogen "skreven" – fanatisk
afholdsmand, om jeg end for mit
eget vedkommende har bestemt
mig paa aldrig mere at drikke en dram,
og jeg kan ikke forstaa, at folk, som
selv drikker ganske tæt, kan tale
forarget om andres drukkenskab. –
Folk kritiserer jo næsten alt, hvad jeg
gjör, naar jeg er et par dage i en by, –
de ser alt ud fra, at det er begaaet i druk-
kenskab antagelig – jeg kan jo faa plud-
selige indfald, som jeg fölger ùmid-
delbart – uden reflexion, – og naar De
nævner, at der er et og andet – De har hört,
som virker "stödende" saa maa jeg mindes
en liden historie fra sidst jeg var i
Kristiania. – Det var en af mine "fine"
slegtninge som fandt min opförsel
"stödende" – jeg kùnde jo dengang ikke
ahne, at der befandt sig nogen af mine
tærtefine slegtninge i min nærhed, –
eller at han tilfældigvis skulde bo i
samme hùs, hvori begivenheden foregik
– isaafald kùnde jeg kanske have
undgaaet at "stöde" ham paa slegtska-
bets vegne. Jeg vaagnede nemlig mod
sedvane aldeles frisk tidlig en morgen
i Kristiania og var saa lykkelig og
glad, fordi jeg havde faaet sove en
hel nat i fred, – jeg var rent i stem-
ning og fuld af billeder i hodet, – bil-
leder som jeg havde tænkt paa i aarevis
strömmede ind paa mig. Jeg vækkede
Krantz, og vi gik ned paa gaden i herligt
regn, söle og rög, og alt forekom mig
saa ùnderlig koseligt og rart – vi
havde hverken spist eller drukket
noget – Det var med mig som med bönder,
som kommer til byn – at der var saa
meget at se paa, – store deilige hester
nedlægning af gatesten i Pilestrædet,
vandfyldte hjùlspor og blankvaad
asfalt, – en frossen og atter optöet
vissengrön poppel, som syntes at
stikke op af et hùstag, – og saa alle
de rare mennesker i den tidlige mor-
genstund – mennesker, hvis livshisto-
rie, man kùnde se paa dem, sovndrùkne
og livsyrende vaakne, – mest arbeidere,
kjörere og fattigfolk. Krantz og jeg gik
begge lige tause, – tænkte hver paa vort –
han bymanden og jeg bonden, – og som det
ofte gaar bonden, saaledes gik det mig –
– en lirekassemand tiltrak sig min
opmærksomhed, – han var saa malerisk
der han, stod inde i et portrùm, – og jeg
syntes, jeg hörte hans lùvslidte livs-
historie i tonerne fra hans lirekasse.
Vi fùlgte ligesom flere andre efter
ham ind i et par gaardsrùm, – det und-
red mig hvor mange, som maa stræve
for skillingerne – her fik han et par öre
i hvert gaardsrùm – kanske intet, – men
lige freidig sveived han i vei paa sit skrö-
belige positiv, – ind det ene og ud det
andet gaardsrùm – det yrede af motiver, –
en og anden halvt paaklædt person
skimtedes i vindùerne, og et par gange
kom et papir susende med et par öre i.
– det var kanske for tidligt paa dag
for liremanden – folk tog imod "mù-
sikken" gratis i sit morgentoilette, – en
og anden kikkede ud – en bar arm aab-
nede et vindù, – nogen maleriske ùnger
omgav liremanden, – det var en
morgenstunds byromantik over det
hele – jeg syntes synd i liremanden og
fik lyst at gjöre noget for ham – gav
ham nogle penge og – – ja De til-
giver sikkerlig min forbrydelse eller mit
indfald, – jeg tog lirekassen fra ham
og spillede, – tog hatten af og strög
mit lange haar godt ned – man
kùnde jo tro, jeg var en fattig "artist"
fra udlandet – og saa sang jeg en
XIII
en improviseret vise, som jeg syntes
kùnde passe til tonerne, liremanden
og hans livshistorie, – og efterpaa
gik jeg rùndt med hatten, medens
liremanden selv spillede, og jeg sang; –
alle vindùer blev til min forbaùselse
aabnede, – det haglede med penge, –
jeg takkede og samlede ind, og lire-
manden blev rent henrykt, da jeg
tömte pengene i hans haand, – han
vilde give mig halvdelen, hvis jeg vilde
fölge ham til næste gaard, – jeg lo
og lovede at fölge ùden penge, – og saa
bar det ind i næste gaardsrùm, hvor
det gik ligedan, bare at der blev flere
og flere folk omkring og i vinduerne, –
og pengene strömmede ind til den lykke-
lige liremand; – jeg blev rent ör – jeg havde
bidt hovedet af al skam, – jeg var jo en
fattig "artist" fra udlandet – det hele
var som et eventyr fra svundne tider
og jeg digtede og sang om den ulykkelige
liremand – og Krantz var rent begeistret
Da kom en ùng pige hen til os og sa
et par ord til mig, – det var, som naar
nogen vækker en af en dröm, – hùn sa bare:
"De maa holde op" – jeg vaagnede lidt
forvirret og benyttede öieblikket – me-
dens Krantz kùrtiserede pigen – til at
smùtte ud porten. – Senere fik jeg
som sagt vide, at en slegtning havde
seet hele optrinnet og troede at kjende
mig, og da han senere hörte, at jeg var
i byen, var han sikker i sin sak.
Slige og lignende indfald kan jo have
bragt mig i vanrygte. Folkestad
skal have fortalt en historie om, at
jeg i Berlin – efter en livlig aften i den
norske forening – paa hjemveien om
natten sang hallinger og springere (ja
sammen med ham og de andre nordmænd)
og da vi blev tiltalt af en politikon-
stabel, – tog jeg fat paa ham og dan-
sede rùndt med ham en springdans
förend han fik sùk for sig, – dette
er desværre næsten sandt, – især
hvis man tager med i historien, min
parentes. Ja nok om dette –. Det er
imidlertid mærkelig, at der skal laves
saa meget om mig bare jeg opholder mig
et par dage i en by – her i bygden hvor
jeg har opholdt mig i snart 20 aar,
her har jeg det bedste renommè, hvad
jeg ingenlunde havde, da jeg i 17-18 aars
alderen kom hid. Det er ogsaa mærkelig,
at jeg skal miste den ene efter den anden
af mine venner i byerne, medens jeg her
i bygden endnù har de faa venner, som
jeg fik, straks jeg kom hid – ùden at der
i disse 20 aar er kommet en knùde paa
traaden, – og nù vil snart sagt alle her
være mine venner. Det maa være slig,
at i byerne holder aldrig sladderen op, naar
den engang er sat igang om en mand, – iallefald
hvis manden bor udenfor byen, – medens
den paa landet holder op, naar man
blir kjendt med manden.
Ja nù synes De nok jeg har skrevet og
vrövlet om löst og fast og været
"aapen" nok og helst paa andres be-
kostning, vil De kanske sige, – ja jeg
föler det selv, – men det er jo uhyre
vanskelig at være rigtig "aapen" mod
et menneske ùden at negligere andre
samtidig – derfor bör man – i allefald
jeg – kùn have faa venner, som en kan
stole helt og trygt paa og være saa "aapen"
og tillidsfulde {…} imod at man
trygt kan gaa til dem med sine sorger og
feilgreb. Og har jeg ikke gjort dette
helt overfor Dem, saa er det, fordi jeg ikke
har villet plage Dem dermed, – ja nù
har jeg nok ogsaa plaget Dem rigtig meget;
og nù skal jeg slùtte, – men jeg maa först
atter bede Dem have saa god tro til mig,
at De – mod löfte om fuldstændig taushed –
tör fortælle, hvad det er, De har hört om mig,
som har gjort Dem trist og har virket
stödende. Jeg er meget bedrövet over
dette, men tror sikkert det skriver sig fra
onde folk eller fra en misforstaaelse. Engel
beder ogsaa om at De maa fortælle os alt
og tilgive.
Og i dette haab sender vi vor bedste
hilsen til Dem og Deres fra
Eders hengivne
Jeg skal ikke oftere
skrive saa vidlöftigt
Translation
15/11–1917
Dear Mrs. Höst!
Thank you for Your letter and for Your magnificent
sale to Ørvik on my behalf – but – did
he not speak of the pictures, that he would like
to have from me? I have speculated on
whether I shall send him some of
the doubtful pictures, that I have now, –
or whether I shall wait and see, if I
might be able to produce
something better, – which I believe I can – if I live
that long – I am in very poor health
lately – am becoming increasingly worse by the
night, – I struggle terribly to get
air – and "throw myself" into it with all my strength, so that
I feel that my lungs might burst or
tear during the intense coughing fits, and
when the fits at last after 3-4 hours
duration are beginning to diminish, – then my whole
chest feels like a wound, with a cold
iron in the middle, – and then I am so tired all
day long, that I must lie down; – I can
accomplish little work, – only dread the com-
ming night, which I know will be worse. You must
therefore forgive me for using
a pencil, – it is easier, when one is
tired and must lie down. I mentioned work –
no I am not fit to do anything, – not even
to making "poor pictures", – so there is
no danger of giving in to that kind of
temptation – I have received
repeated requests from Aalesùnd’s art
association to exhibit there, – but to
make some scrap for the sake of
obtaining wall filler for some shipping speculators
is pointless.
You do not understand my dealings
You say – regarding the small sales, that I
mentioned in the fall, – I wished to
be "open" with You and confess
my sins, – that is why I spoke of
these sales, – but I obviously should
have explained the context
especially with regard to Prytz, – other
factors have also appeared since then.
Prytz in fact lent me 100 Kr. this sum-
mer, and I received a little sketch from him;
in return I wanted to give
him a picture, which he was very
excited about, and which he had
repeatedly asked, if I would sell him;
he therefore received the picture actu-
ally as a gift – it was not a "large"
picture (under 1 metre); – but when he,
a while later, was even more excited
about one of my biggest pictures (Cowshed
courting) (one-and-a half metres), – and when
he asked me, if he could buy
it, I thought, that I had to
take something for it, even though it was
from a colleague and friend, – and I said
then, that he could give what he
wanted; –, he said that he would
offer me 300 Kr., so that he might pay in-
stalments on it, when he could afford it; –
I promised him the picture based on these
conditions. – When he left this autumn,
I returned to him the 100 Kr., that I
had borrowed from him, and he received the 2
pictures, but when he arrived in
Kristiania [Oslo], he sent me the 100 Kr.
in return, – and now he writes,
that he will attempt to get me
300 kr. for the picture by Christmas; – that
will actually be 400 he will
give for the pictures – or more precisely
the picture; for one of the pictures was as
mentioned in fact a gift. Prytz has
also just now sent us one of
his pictures as a gift – quite unexpectedly.
As for the 3 other pictures, they
were not "large", – the largest was
barely a metre (a picture from the farm here)
the two others were smaller – a sketch
from a grazing farm and a sketch from Schleswig.
It was perhaps true that the lady
in question got it too cheaply, – she was
also an unsympathetic person, – but
her husband, who was with her the
last time she was here made such a
sympathetic impression, – that it was
essentially for his sake, that I did
it; he was evidently a henpecked
husband and was embarrassed by her
II
effrontery. Now he writes
that he would like me to
paint over some cows, that walk in
a row along a ridge in
the grazing farm picture, – do You think one
shall give in to people in such matters, when it
is practically the main focus of the picture?
You say, that I know, that You can
obtain for me many times as much for the pic-
tures, – well I have no doubt about it, –
but I felt, that I had bothered You
so much in the past with my works, – that I
did not wish to bother You with little
pictures, which had cost me less
work than one of the largest woodcuts,
especially when I by chance could sell
them at home, woodcuts I have
never sold aside from You – with the ex-
ception of what Krantz sold to
Didrik Andersen – for a rather high price, –
but it was also deposited there by You.
With both these sales this autumn I was given
an explicit promise to from the concerned
party to keep the price a secret, –
and I myself have not mentioned it
to anyone other then You – so I do not think
people can have heard anything about
these sales, – other "cheap" sales of
pictures have not existed in recent
years with the exception of that picture,
which was commissioned by Ørvik, – but
which he rejected – and which against my
expressed wish was entrusted
to Korsvold’s <mess>; – and I do not
know if this picture was sold too
cheaply – for I do not know and will probably
never know what Korsvold got for it.
I demanded 1500 Kr. for it and that
was actually too little – but
I also told Kaland, that that
was the minimum price – and then I received
only 1000 Kr. from Korsvold. That was
absurdly little for ½ a year’s work
(actually 2 autumn seasons)
I feel, – and Krantz feels the
same, – that it was one of my
As for Ørvig’s list, I have
copied it and shall return it –
I managed in the last moment to rescue it
from Arnold Böklin who had gotten
hold of it, – if I become well
enough in the course of the winter, I will send
prints of all of those, which are not
marked with an x – but dear
Mrs. Höst – it is not right
that You sell off all of Inger’s prints;
for it is uncertain, whether I can
make such good ones again, – send me
at least a list of which ones she
has left, – so that I know which ones
she is missing; – because if she, from
what I have heard received 800 kr. for one
of my pictures, she should not have
to give away all of her woodcuts.
I received in addition a portion of the money
that she obtained for the picture – more than
enough – another lady who purchased
one of my pictures at the first
exhibition in Kristiania [Oslo] for 40 or 50 Kr.
also sold her picture further for 800 Kr,
and I did not get one öre of it.
Send me likewise a list
of Your own prints, so that I know
what You are missing as well; – I know
that You and Inger are missing "Milling weather"
and I have printed a duplicate for
You, but would have liked to print more
so that You might have several to select
from. You shall of course not
pay anything for it; I became baffled
and almost "offended", when You wrote,
that Höst thought of buying it, but
found Your price too high, – I thought
in fact that it was an agreement from the old
days that You and Inger should have
one copy of each woodcut, that
III
I would make, – provided that
You were interested in having them;
and that You would pay nothing – be-
yond what You had already
paid beforehand in the form of
effort and work on my behalf; –
In addition You gave me Kroner 100
last autumn for a print, and I accepted
the money, because I was travelling, – but
I asked for it to be considered a loan;
which I might be permitted to either pay
back in cash, or deliver a
picture in return for, – I thus did not wish to offer
You a woodcut, – which You as mentioned
should have a copy of
anyway, from what I might create new in that
vein. I also believed, that I had reminded you
this spring about the 100 kr. that I owed
and that You should have them reimbursed from the
woodcuts You sold for me then. When
You did not mention anything about it, I believed that
You would rather let the 100 Kr. go
towards the picture, that I had promised
You, – and when I later might accept
Kr. 100 for a picture, which You in
fact should have had without payment, then
I thought, that You must have
something that was exceptionally good, – which I
was unsure, whether I had, that is why
I did not send anything this spring – I thought
You would come here this summer, and that You might
then take a look at my things –, to see if there was something
You liked. Now I shall select 3-4
of the things, that I believe are best among my
things and send them to You some time this winter – so that
You can have a look at them – but I would like to
be permitted to reimburse the 100 Kr. which I
have received as it were as an advance towards the picture,
and then some time this summer, You sent
me money as a loan, – later You wrote that
You had sold woodcuts for approximately this
sum – what was the difference? I would,
if it does not offend You ask to be
permitted to send both sums now while I
have the cash – I am also aware, that You
have paid out for various things on my behalf –
would You object if I send 200?
When it comes to Ørvik as I understand it
he would also like to have additional prints
later as well – of perhaps new ones – also?
I shall send them, when I have them – if I
am not being a bother to You, – but
please tell me, – I understand very
well, how busy You must be with
Your house at this time, – and I will be
grateful if You tell me when
You don’t have time.
And then You ask me to make a whole series
of woodcuts and send them to You to show Mr.
Klavenes – I shall do that, – that was
the reason why last year I printed so many of
the old woodcuts, which I bothered You
with this spring, – I would also prefer
to avoid printing more of these old ones,
as I often don’t remember, how they
were calculated,: – it is not so strange,
when one has made hundreds of
blocks, – that it might be difficult
to reorganize them in the correct order
in some cases I have even used
blue or green colours on the uppermost
part of a block, and red or yellow
on the lowest part of the same block
such a block should then be considered as
two blocks, as it has to be printed
twice, – and perhaps with several other
blocks in between. And this spring when I
made so many of the old prints,
it was for Klavenes’ sake,
for whom it was a question of obtaining an
abundant selection – I understood You to mean, that
one should pay particular heed to him
in order that he should be satisfied – and I therefore
believed it was best to print several
nùances of the old ones; – the ones Klavenes
did not wish to have I thought, You might
return or destroy. I did not
intend, that You should make an effort to pawn
the rejected ones off on Your acquaintances, for
I could well understand that they must have been
"satiated" with my things.
19/11 IIII and V
Well this letter was abandoned for a few
days, – I have been quite wretched –
the choking fits have steadily increased.
I often cannot move. These
past two nights I have often wished
I were six feet under, – and then I have
lain awake ruminating
about Your letter, – and ransacked my
brain to figure out, – what
it is I have done, and what You
have heard about, that has made
You "sad", and that there is "something
or another that has been offensive" to
You. That one "should be open
and trustful of one another" I am
in complete agreement with – and I would like, for You
to be so towards me now and tell
me, what this is about – No, I can-
not for the life of me figure it out.
I shall treat it completely confidentially.
I know, that I have many faults –
among them that I have been extremely
vindictive, – which I have often had
to struggle with, – likewise I
cannot always trust my
own brain and memory –
but that I towards people, for whom
I have the most profound respect and sympathy,
and towards whom I feel the greatest gra-
titude – that I towards
these – that is You – should have
done things – that made You sad and
seemed offensive – this is in-
comprehensible to me. –
I have wondered whether it might have
been something, – that You have written about –
and that I have inadvertently forgotten so that
I have repeated it to others –
but of this I am not in the least
aware, – and I believe that I in total
certainty dare deny that this
has ever happened – should You
therefore have heard things repeated, which
resemble somewhat, things You have said
or written, You can be certain,
that there is an accidental similarity, and
that it has in any case not come
from me. Nor can I believe, that I
have been so careless as to allow
Your letters to lie about, so that someone has
had the opportunity to read them
I am quite careful. –
I have also thought about, whether there
have actually been things, that I myself
have written, – which might make You
sad – and whether in my letters there
might be "something or other
that might be offensive" – in which
case I must beg Your
pardon and forgiveness – be so
"open" towards me as to tell me outright
what it is, – I have felt that there
was something, before You said it directly
I am very grateful to You for
Doing so, and I would be even more
grateful to You, for
telling me, what it is, – I would
more than gladly be corrected by
You – it would also help me to
control my own mind more effectively.
But when I then remember that
You say, that You "have heard" etc. then
it could hardly be something I have
written myself – or at least not
only that. I have spoken with Engel
about this and she reminded me about
what I once said – that time You
sold "Spring Night" to Billedgalleriet
I said that I feared that this
sale, – as much as it pleased me
that I – or rather the picture – might
be able {…} to pay off
some of my debt to You, – I
became frightened that this might be
an external cause for a misunderstanding
between us; as I received at the same time
letters from a couple of young painters, in which
VI
one pretended, to be indig-
nant on my behalf, You were not
described in very kind terms, and one
scornfully inquired, how things stood
after this with the friendship
between us – ("they exposed their en-
vy about Your many sales on my behalf –" said
Engel) I immediately replied to these as I
have replied to everyone, who has mentioned this
sale, – that I was very happy about the sale,
as I owed You far more than the mark-
up – furthermore You had immediately sent
me part of the profit, – just as
You had also commissioned
from me a picture for 1500 Kr.
I said to Engel – (and I believe also to You)
that I would obtain a picture for You
instead, – but the 1500 nor any sum of
money I would not accept from You
after everything, that You have done for me.
But despite this, I was afraid of
misunderstandings; as the terms that were used
about You by these two, were evidently not spoken
only to me, but also to others,
and perhaps in the false guise
that it was I who was offended, – there
was also one who had claimed that: "Astrup
is furious" – but the person in
question had only presented this as a pre-
sumption, – but You know, – when such things are
repeated in the third person, and then become
the subject of gossip, then it might
easily come back to Your ears in the guise
that it had all originated from
me. My "suspicions" in this
vein I mentioned back then to
Engel – to others I did not speak about
what I feared might happen. Perhaps now
this has come true.
Perhaps I should have made You aware of
this in advance, – I may also
have done so, – but I would have
loathed back then to go into more detail about
particulars and repeat to You things,
which would only hurt Your feelings, – I therefore
may not have mentioned anything about
what had been said – it was
perhaps a lack of "openness"; –
but I did it for a good reason, –
I despised, what had been said – and I
felt, that You were too good to hear
such talk of Your person repeated.
I may of course without hurting
Your feelings have recounted certain things, such
as that it was said, – that it was a good
occasion to collect more
money than the 1800 for the acquisition of
"spring night", – but that one opposed to
taking advantage of it and intentionally stopped
the collection, because one begrudged
more for You etc. but such things I
thought were too petty to speak of.
I might also have told You – as I
always trust Your discretion – that even
Grieg and Mrs. Schetelig were so thoughtless or
indiscrete that they interrogated me
about the circumstances of that sale –
they had heard a few things, – I
then answered them, as others, that You
may have had a profit,
and that I also had received part
of it, although I owed You
far more than the entire profit –
You had lent me money,
when things were tight, and I owed You
in fact so much, that I
would be sincerely happy for You if
the profit might be much larger.
I think Grieg and Mrs. Schetelig are
the nicest people in the world, and I
cannot therefore imagine, that they might
present the said conversation to You otherwise.
For that matter I might well have
refrained from mentioning this to You; for
I do not suspect these people.
I might rather have thought something of the kind
about Ørvig, whom I nevertheless do not know,
but I have been informed, (which I
never would have believed), that there are people
in Bergen, who know the content of my
VII
letter to Ørvig; he must have a meagre
pleasure in showing it around, I think.
But I can hardly believe,
that one might build a case against You
out of this letter; – for I did not mention
Your name in the letter – unfortunately I remember
little of that letter, it was wri-
ten in anger, after I received Korsvold’s
letter with the ridiculously low pay-
ment for the picture – it was too
modestly valued by me to begin with
to think that I should also have one
third cut from the minimum price, which
I had specifically asked for. – I was
furious with Kaland and furious with
the art association, who according to Korsvold’s
version had demanded such a shame-
faced payment, because I had made use
of their address to Kaland. – And I was
furious at Ørvig or rather his
"friend", whom I believed was one of my
foes, – I had been informed
by Kaland (but this be-
tween) us) – that this "friend" stood on the sidelines and
belittled the picture (Ørvig denies
the presence of this "friend") – and
I wanted to shout at all of them,
and the first one to receive my wrath was Ørvig
or his "friend", – I still cannot
comprehend, that Ørvig could take it
as well as he did with regard to me.
after that letter, – but he may have
spoken otherwise to others.
But I cannot as mentioned imagine
that anything in that letter might
be used against You or be offensive
to You, – even though Ørvig now has
the pleasure of broadcasting the contents
of this letter, – I recollect, that I
attempted to persuade him, that
the price was not too high, and that I never
demanded exorbitant prices for my things, and I admittedly
mentioned in that connection; that everyone
who has purchased pictures from me
and who has had to sell them again,
have always sold with a profit –
but it did not think that these words
could be aimed at You, – nor did I
think of You in particular – there
are so many others, who have
sold my pictures further with a profit
I know at least 5 pictures
from my first exhibition in Kristiania [Oslo]
(it was in 1905 before we became acquainted) have
been sold further at a profit – (without my
having received anything of the profit – with the ex-
ception of Eilif Pettersen’s sale to the gallery
with a profit, which I received).
I regret these words in my letter, if
they in any way might
affect You, – but I believe and hope,
that such is not the case;
It was also mistaken of me, to
allow my rage to be aimed at Ørvig or
his "friend", whom I thought was one of my
foes – I should have rather allowed it
be aimed at Kaland, – but I was cut off
from doing so by Kaland himself temporarily; as he
wrote immediately before, that he was leaving
Bergen for a while, and had handed over the pic-
ture to Korsvold; – without giving
any address; – I could therefore not reach
him by letter in time to prevent
Korsvold’s sale, – it was then I wrote to You
in order to hear, whether it was suitable for You to
receive the picture – in the event I might get
it back from Korsvold, – and You were so
kind as to offer to accept
and sell the picture for me, but by then it
was too late. To You I would have gladly sold
the picture for half price – but not to anyone
else. Kaland has now since written to
me saying as a kind of apology: that
he entrusted the picture to Korsvold (without my
consent) with the express message,
that he (Kosvold) could ask, what he
could obtain for the picture, – as long as
Astrup got 1500 Kr., whatever Korsvold
might get above that, he could keep
VIII
himself. Even if this is true, which I
do not doubt, – Kaland is not
quite so innocent; since the picture was
commissioned by Ørvig and no one else, and it
was particularly intended to be included in
a respectable collection – I have never
worked so hard on any picture
as on this one, and Kaland had no
authority to sell the picture to
anyone else, either himself or via Kors-
vold. He must have known, what he
was doing, when he entrusted the picture to
Korsvold whom he must have known, as
the irresponsible person he is. – Kaland
himself has lost 1000 kr. on him, in the sense
that Korsvold forged {…} a name on a
document – (Korvold has in recent years
steadily edged closer to the boundaries of
criminality) – and it was extremely decent
of Kaland to pay for him and not
let him be penalised, – but {…}
Kaland has a few stocks and could have
afforded it, – but precisely because he
knew Korsvold so very well,
he should not have allowed a poor col-
league like myself fall into his claws, –
Kaland knew very well, that I
would not entrust Korsvold with the picture
myself, because I had previously been
tricked by him over and over again.
When Korsvold subjected me to his first prank
I had recently assisted him with my
last shillings and a picture, so that
he might escape the long hand of the law, – and when
a while later I sold a picture to the art
association, – Korsvold was paid the
money by the art association under the pre-
text, that he would pay my
debts to 3 businesses, where he was listed
as a guarantor for me (I had or-
dered goods from the same companies
via Korsvold, who was their agent, – there
was no other guarantee on his part)
I also believed for a couple of years, that
Korsvold had paid my debts
to these companies from the money, that he
received from the art association, – until one
after the other of these
companies came with strict ultimatums,
as they had "waited" patiently for me
for so long because of Korsvold’s
intercession on my behalf. Another time
my life insurance policies had nearly become
invalid because Korsvold (without my
asking him) had offered and took it
upon himself to take out 2 six-month poli-
ciesm for me, – in exchange for a couple of
woodcuts – he also owed me money.
At that time as well I was perfectly sure,
that everything was taken care of, and it was
a few months passed the deadline, before I learned
otherwise, – and then it was only
by the skin of my teeth and lots of negotia-
ing, that I managed to rectify the matter with
the insurance company.
Korsvold has also been
rude and unpleasant towards me, –
when I have not been able to "lend"
him enough money; – once when
I reminded him of previous loans,
he said, that he remembered nothing
about it, – and that bad people
always had such a good memory,
while good people easily
forgot. One time he came down to
the steamship on a dark evening, when I
was leaving Bergen – and asked me
to lend him "a little cash", – as Christmas
was around the corner, and he was "broke". I responded,
that I did not have much to
spare; – and I absolutely did not want to lend him any,
but if he would accept 75 Kr. as
a gift to the family for Christmas, – then
he could have it, – (I did not have more
in change and did not feel; that I could spare
an entire one hundred kroner bill). Korsvold
thanked me and accepted the money – then
he suddenly became furious over having
gotten "so little". 75 Kr back then was
IX
not such a small sum, – at least as
much as a couple of hundred are today.
Several of my acquaintances came
down to the steamship among them
my sister and several from Förde and
Krantz, – and in the presence of these people
he took up bills and let them
fall to the ground – to show his contempt,
and when I went up on deck, he followed
after me and abruptly asked; "What
am I going to do with this (lousy) money"! and then
he crumpled the bills together
in his hand and threw them in the sea.
I nearly hit him
but restrained myself back then and said
goodnight and went below deck.
It almost amazed me, that I
received anything at all of what Kors-
vold got for the picture, – or that I
received such a large amount, there is hardly
an artist from West Norway, who has not
been "swindled" by him, – but
Korsvold one can forgive
poor chap, – because he is the wreck
he has become, – he has no moral
scruples if he cheats his friends, –
his thoughts are not focused on anything but whisky,
he lives from hand to mouth
by "hitting on people", and by other less
respectable tricks – Krantz is perhaps
the only artist, who
is not fooled by him, – it
has consequences now and then for
Krantz’s hair tonic, which is im-
bibed every time Korvold "has
the opportunity" to do it; but aside from that I believe
Krantz hides his money.
Korsvold on the other hand is never mali-
cious in his deceitfulness and
never slanderous out of malice; and
then one might even forgive
him everything else. That he will
succeed as a writer, is doubt-
ful, – he is gifted – sad
that he will go to the dogs,
before he manages to create an important
personal work, – he has suffered
too much, – and has, as he
himself says, "gotten off on the wrong foot".
He has now become so notorious for
his pranks in Bergen, – that he no
longer can make use of his pre-
vious tricks, – and he is therefore almost
surely often in financial trouble, – the little he
can earn from an article in Bergens
tidende now and then does not suffice for much
these days, – so it is not strange,
if he has to try out every possible
means in order to survive; – that troll of
a woman he has, is also
partially to blame for his misfortune, but
he should not let
his poor comrades suffer for it.–
I have mentioned all this so that You
might be able to understand my vexation towards,
Kaland, who knowing about all the episodes,
nevertheless entrusted my picture to Kors-
vold’s ventures, – nor was it
especially nice for me, that Korsvold
should haul around to every notable
in Bergen for my sake – and thrust
on folks my picture,
one can suffer a greater loss from this than
anyone can reckon – both eco-
nomically and – especially vis-à-vis a
reputation; – for what must people
think of an artist; who is forced
to employ such means, going "via
the back door" instead of exhibiting his
picture or entrusting it to respectable
people who are knowledgeable in art. What Korsvold
actually received for the picture I will probably
never know, and I do not wish to be so
X
indiscrete as to ask Halvorsen about it,
but I have heard via others,
that Korsvold once before – for
another of my pictures – received the
double or more, than what he {...} ùnsolicited
informed me of, – but this has
nothing to do with me, since Korsvold
had been given that picture as a gift
from me and thus could do as
he wished with it, he admittedly had
no reason to lie to me about it;
as I certainly did not begrudge him
that much, – on the contrary, – it was precisely
an advantage for my reputation; the
more he received for the picture.
Well as I mentioned Kaland knew Korsvold
well enough not to entrust him with
one of his own pictures, – but I am
inclined to believe, that he didn’t
think then, that Korsvold would take
advantage of me as he knew, that I
was having a particularly difficult time then.
I would think, that Kaland acted
as he did with good intentions, – that he abso-
lutely wanted have the picture sold for my sake.
He had some time before that received a
few blank copper plates (etching plates),
which I had lying about – these were
hard to get hold of now, – and I guess he
wanted to show his gratitude to me
by having the picture sold. Since then
he has evidently become angry with
me, – perhaps because of my letter to
Ørvig; – because he sent me 12 kr. for
the copper plates, which he said, that he
had sold as "scrap metal", – this
upset me; – since he had received them
as a gift from me, after he had asked
if I would sell them to him, – (I
had given more than 20 Kr. for them myself
during the days of economic prosperity) – and the plates were
in just as good condition, – one of them was a little
oxidised (tarnished), but not "rusty", and I
could just as well have used it. It may
be niggling of me to be irritated over
such a matter, – but I also think this was petty
of Kaland.
But I have strayed from the matter at hand which
is of greater importance to me than anything
else, – what it might be, that
has made You sad and that has been
offensive – I run out of ideas during these
long nights – my candle is about to
go out. – Dear Mrs. Höst is it "Spring Night"
which in some way or other is the cause?
I heard last autumn in Bergen, that
Mùnch "was supposedly furious" with You
for Your sale of his pictures to Meyer.
This must be just as untrue as the idea
that I might be so, – I could
never believe this of Mùnch, – and I cannot
understand that other sensible people
could believe it either, – if for no other reason,
than the mere fact that he is a rich man; – in that case
it is more understandable, that one might
suspect me of such, since I am poor –
such things belong to the curse
of poverty. Now I truly wish to
become rich – if I recover and can
work. It’s a question of turning back to the old
ways and give up all the new things, which I have struggled
with in recent years. I believe one lies
less to the rich than to the poor,
and that someone has lied about me
to You in connection with Your sale of "spring night",
I am certain of it, – I cannot
help, what people may have said in
connection with this sale – I have done what
I could to prevent it talk, and if I
should be questioned again about
it – then I would simply reply, that
I have received the entire profit –, if only I
XI
had said this right away – to begin with; –
that way I might have
immediately cut-off all talk – and
and it would not have been a circumvention
of the truth – for I have truly
gained at least as much in the form of
effort and work, which You have performed
for my sake.
Then I have also thought about whether
Your words should apply to things that have been said
about me – about my person – things that
in fact actually do not concern You or
our friendship directly. – Well, I
have always been the object of gossip,
lies and slander, – so it would
not surprise me, if You had heard
unfavourable things about my person.
It must be the case, that because I
live in the country, so far from
the centre and thus cannot defend myself,
that I must constantly be the subject
of gossip – I have only to
remind You of that ignoble and totally untrue
rumour, that deprived me of my grant.
Ladies, whom I hardly knew,
I have been accused of being in a
relationship with – for example Odda Krohg, whom
I have never met elsewhere than
at cafe Versaille in Paris together
with all the other Norwegians – it was in 1901
I was 21 year old and Mrs. Krohg was probably around 45? –
so it was very unlikely, – but even a
reasonable man such as Henrik Lùnd believed
it in complete seriousness, and told me straight
to my face, – and it was useless, no matter how much I
assured him, or how much I protested, – he
would not believe me; – this story too stemmed
perhaps from Karsten, who was
the origin and initiator of all the
rumours about me; – as he, despite the fact that
he was the most drunken painter
in the land, nevertheless told chilling stor-
ies about my drunkenness. – One can
forgive Karsten, because in his semi-
humoristic, – semi-malicious
manner, he speaks in such a way, that one can
hear that he is lying, – but those, who re-
peat his stories cannot be forgiven.
It is strange incidentally, how these
rumours about my drunkenness persist so
obstinately, – despite the fact that I
dare assert that no one has yet seen me
highly intoxicated, – I often drank ½ a bottle
cognac every morning and abused
alcohol quite often in the old days
to dull the pain in my afflicted
lùngs; but the continual use made
me "habituated", so that I tolerated so much
that I actually never became "intoxicated".
As I said I drank ½ a bottle of cognac every morn-
ing and often [another] ½ during the course of the day – up
until 5 years ago – when I stopped all
at once. Since then I have not
touched a dram. – Engel has often
nearly tried to force me to drink
a glass, when I have been ill,
but I have never desired to taste
more than a little in a tablespoon a
couple of times; – and whereas it was a bit difficult
to suddenly become a teetotaller in
the beginning, – it has now in recent years
almost become "a virtue of necessity"; – because I
cannot tolerate liquor, – as my heart begins to
palpitate from one tablespoon, – my heart has
evidently been injured by all the erup-
tive choking fits – and perhaps even
more by the excessive use of potassium iodide
and sodium iodide. Yes it’s strange,
how these drinking episodes
from Paris still after almost 20 years
duration still endure, – so that a man
like architect Landmark may even
allow himself to scold me at a
semi-official reception in Bergen,
where there was a gathering of all kinds
of people in connection with the event, where a rich
man’s villa was to be decorated; – a proposal
was submitted suggesting that all
West Norwegian painters should decorate the villa
and my name was also mentioned – at which point
Landmark jumped up: "Astrup that drunkard",
no he shall not be allowed here". – I
have once heard Landmark say about him-
XII
himself, that he "had a hangover"
pointing to his head, – that
time he was evidently not so
upstanding evidently. I am not a
fanatic – I will gladly drink ½ a bottle
of red wine, when I can get hold of
it, – and I have sipped a little weak
absinth that Krantz brought with him
from abroad, – and I had a taste of
something strong at Your house (wine or liqueur)
and I would never find anything to cri-
ticise a man for, if he drinks, –
when he is otherwise good, – I never
wish to become an "enlisted" – fanatic
teetotaller, even though I for my
own sake have decided
to never again drink a dram,
and I cannot understand, how people who
drink quite a lot, can speak
indignantly about the drunkenness of others. –
People criticise almost everything, that I
do, when I am in a city for a few days, –
they evidently see everything from the perspective, that it is done
in a state of drunkenness – I can get a sud-
den impulse, which I follow im-
mediately – without reflecting, – and when You
mention, that there is something or other – You have heard,
which is "offensive" I must remind You of
a little story from the last time I was in
Kristiania [Oslo]. – It was one of my "refined"
relatives who found my behaviour
"offensive" – I could not at the time
have the slightest inkling, that one of my
haughty relatives might be in my presence, –
or that he by chance should be staying in
the same house, where the event took place
– in that case I might perhaps have
avoided "offending" him on behalf of
our kinship. I awoke contrary to
habit perfectly refreshed early one morning
in Kristiania and was so elated and
happy, because I had been able to sleep an
entire night in peace, – I was in a great
mood and full of pictures in my head, – pic-
tures that I had thought about for years
came flooding to me. I woke
Krantz, and we went down to the street in magnificent
rain, mud and mist, and everything seemed to me
so strangely cosy and dreamlike – we
had neither eaten nor drank
anything – I had the same sensation as farmers do,
when they arrive in the city – there was so
much to look at, – great gorgeous horses
the laying of cobblestones in Pilestrædet,
water-filled ruts in the road and shiny wet
asphalt, – a frozen and thawed again
faded green poplar, that appeared to
stick up out of a rooftop, – and then all
the funny people in the early mor-
ning hour – people, whose life stor-
ies, one could divine from their appearance, sleepy
and spritely awake, – mostly labourers,
drivers and poor folk. Krantz and I walked along
equally silent, – each in our own thoughts –
he a city man and I a farmer, – and what
often occurs with a farmer, happened to me –
– an organ grinder attracted my
attention, – he was so painterly
as he stood inside an entryway, – and I
thought I heard his impoverished life
story in the tones issuing from his hand organ.
We followed him along with several others
into a couple of courtyards, – I thought
about how many people have to struggle
for a few shillings – he received a couple of öre
in each courtyard – maybe nothing, – but
he just as gaily turned the crank in his shab-
by positive [fashion], – into one and out of
another courtroom – they were teeming with motifs, –
one or another half-dressed person
could be glimpsed in the windows, and a couple of times
a piece of paper came flying with a few öre in them.
– perhaps it was too early in the day
for the organ grinder – people accepted "the mu-
sic" gratis during their morning toilet, – one
or another peeked out – a bare arm o-
pened a window, – some painterly children
surrounded the organ grinder, – there was a
morning hour urban romanticism about the
whole scene – I felt sorry for the organ grinder and
had the urge to do something for him – gave
him a few coins and – – well You will
certainly pardon my crime or my
whim, – I took the hand organ from him
and played, – took my hat off and smoothed
my long hair neatly down – one
might think, that I was a poor "artist"
from abroad – and then I sang an
XIII
an improvised song, which I thought
might fit the melody, the organ grinder
and his life story, – and afterwards
I went around with the hat, while
the organ grinder played, and I sang; –
all the windows were to my astonishment
opened, – the coins rained down, –
I bowed and collected it, and the organ
grinder was utterly delighted, when I
emptied the coins into his hand, – he
wanted to give me half of it, if I agreed to
follow him to the next courtyard, – I laughed
and promised to follow without the money, – and so
we continued into the next courtyard, where
the scene was repeated, only there were more
and more people around us and in the windows, –
and the coins came flowing in to the hap-
py organ grinder; – I became utterly lightheaded – I had
swallowed all my pride, – I was indeed a
poor "artist" from abroad – the whole scenario
was a fairy tale from bygone days
and I improvised and sang about the unhappy
organ grinder – and Krantz was very excited
Then a young girl came over to us and uttered
a few words to me, – it was, like when
someone awakens you from a dream, – all she said was:
"You must stop" – I came to myself a little
disoriented and took advantage of the moment – while
Krantz flirted with the girl – to
slip out the gateway. – Later I found
out as mentioned, that a relative had
seen the whole performance and thought he recognised
me, and when he later heard, that I was
in town, he was certain.
It is possible that this and similar whims may have
hurt my reputation. Folkestad
is supposed to have told a story about, how
in Berlin I – after a lively evening in the
Norwegian society – on our way home at
night sang Halling ballads and dances (in fact
together with him and the other Norwegians)
and when we were confronted by a police
officer, – I grabbed him and danced
a Halling dance with him
before he knew what hit him; – this
is unfortunately almost true, – especially
if one includes my parenthetical digression in the
account. Well enough of that –. It is
strange on the other hand, that so
much fuss is made about me when I merely spend
a couple of days in a city – here in the village where
I have lived for nearly 20 years,
I have the best reputation, which
I did not have by any means, when I arrived
here at the age of 17-18. It is also strange,
that I shall lose one after the other
of my friends in the cities, while here
in the village I still have the few friends, which
I made the moment I arrived here – without there
during these 20 arising even a petty
quarrel, – and now nearly everyone here
wants to be friends with me. It must be because,
in the cities the gossip never ceases, once
it has been started about a man, – at least
if the man lives outside the city, – while
in the countryside it ceases, when one
becomes acquainted with the man.
Well now You probably think I have written and
babbled about nonsense and been
sufficiently "open" and mostly at the expense of
others, You will perhaps say, – yes I
feel the same way myself, – but it is terribly
difficult to be totally "open" towards
a person without neglecting others
at the same time – that is why one should – in any case
I – have only a few friends, whom one can
trust completely and securely and be so "open"
and trusting {…} towards that one
might safely go to them with one’s sorrows and
foibles. And if I have not been completely this way
towards You, then it is because I have
not wished to bother You with it, – well now
I have in fact bothered You quite a lot;
and now I shall stop, – but I must first
ask You once more to have such good faith in me,
that You – in exchange for total confidentiality –
dare tell me, what it is You have heard about me,
which has made You sad and which has been
offensive. I am extremely grieved by
this, but believe for sure that it stems from
malicious people or from a misunderstanding. Engel
also asks that You tell us all
and pardon me.
And in this hope we send our best
wishes to You and Your family from
Your devoted
I shall not write
so long-windedly again