there is a cause – such as when a man arrived here

one day and was in dire straits and asked me to lend him

100 kroner – I had only a little over 50 kroner –, so for

once I responded with a firm no – and the man

left; – I then had such pangs of con-

science, that I thought I would go mad – and

then I had to run after the man and give him

my last 50 kroner. – Later I experienced even

greater pangs of conscience, because I didn’t dare

tell Engel, – what I had done. Similar things

have happened to me at least 10 times before; but

just the same I never learn – I have more than a thousand kroner

outstanding with artists and poor folk – and I often try

to alleviate my "guilty conscience" with [the argument], that although I

have a large account on the debit side in Our Lord’s eyes or

whoever – I have never demanded

anything of my debtors – and must therefore have

a little on the credit side as well – but this is

what the gentlemen Theologians call self-righteousness.

Will You when You have the time be so kind as to send

me a bottle of liquor – it is the most economical of

that kind of beverage – and I must try a little alcohol for my anxiety

Forgive me for bothering You. Greetings to Your husband and daughter

Be well Your devoted Astrup

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