Letter
16 Pages
Transcription: Tor Martin Leknes
Translation: Francesca Nichols
Transcription
Aalhús 8de mai 1911
Ja saa er jeg her igjen for en kort stund.
Jeg har taget mig en tùr hjem fra
udlandet. Jeg maa sige Dem frù Höst
tusend tak for det hyggelige samvær i
Kristiania – og saa maa jeg bede Dem
hilse Deres forældre hjærteligst fra mig –
særlig maa jeg bede Dem gjöre Deres mor
en ùndskyldning for min ùopmærksom-
hed mod hende – jeg traf hende nem-
lig en dag paa gaden og jeg gik i egne tan-
ker og hilste ikke – först da jeg havde gaa-
et en 10-20 skridt videre og havde gjen-
taget de sidst forbigangne mennesker i
erindringen – hùskede jeg, at det var hende.
Sligt hænder mig desværre ofte, jeg blir des-
værre stadig mere nervös, distrait og ùmùlig.
Derfor vovede jeg heller ikke at gaa op om
eder, da jeg nù reiste hid via Bergen –
jeg frygtede for at I kùnde tage mig for
at være halvt forrykt, og tror jeg dog jeg
kan forsikre Eder om, at jeg ikke er –
jeg har baade taknemlighedsfölelse og beùn-
dring overfor Eder – men jeg kùnde dog
ikke – eller kanske nettop derfor kùnde jeg
ikke faa mig selv til at gaa op til Eder
denne gang – jeg har forsögt saa længe
at döve sygdom og nervösitet med alkohol,
at jeg er rent ùmùlig nù – jeg har heller
ikke havt godt af al den omflakken
i Tyskland. Ja jeg har jo ikke skrevet en
eneste gang til Eder, medens jeg var i ùdlandet
I maa rigtig ùndskylde mig, jeg haaber
I ikke er altfor fornærmet paa mig.
Jeg reiste altsaa til Berlin – der traf
jeg mange kjendinger blant andre Hr.
Dr. Haakon Schetelig og frùe og maleren
Folkestad, som jeg var meget sammen
med ligeledes polarforskeren Chr. Leden
Men jeg blev i længden saa nervös, at jeg
ikke holdt ùd at gaa paa mùseerne og maler-
skolen i Berlin – og da jeg desùden fik
saa mange bekjendtskaber der – saa reiste
jeg en dag sydover ùden at tage nogen
bestemt reiseplan – jeg vilde nemlig gjer-
ne være fri, saa jeg kùnde standse, hvor jeg
havde lyst paa veien; men paa den maade
forvilde jeg mig bort i nogle smaabyer i
syd Tyskland, og da der var vakkert med
hvide skyer af frùgthaver og rùnde vinbjer-
ge – tænkte jeg at blive der en tid og mùligens
male lidt, men saa traf jeg sammen med
et helt selskab af tyskere, som skùlde til
Schweitz, og de fik mig til at blive med,
men jeg opdagede snart, at de benyttede sig
af mig paa alle mùlige maader – og da
jeg ikke havde raad til at betale hotel-
regningerne for alle til stadighed, saa stak
jeg af fra dem ùde noget farvel og römte
nordover igjen – men da jeg kom i nærheden
af Berlin tog jeg af veien og reiste til tysk
Polen, hvor jeg för havde været en tùr med
Leden. Her saa jeg nogen af de yndigste
smaabyer, som jeg nogentid har seet – hùsene
laa mellem kanaler – kanaler i alle retnin-
ger – ingen veie – bare kanaler med broer
over mellem hùsene – her reiste jeg med
baad fra Libenaù til Spreewald, – hvor
bönderne endnù gaar med sine eiendom-
melige nationaldragter – alle roede i baade
og mellem de höie straatag stod hvide
kirsebærtrær og speilede sig i kanalerne – rig-
tig den rene idyl altsammen. Derfra
reiste jeg videre til en by, hvis navn jeg ikke
hùsker – der blev jeg saa elendig syg af den
frygtelige sùmplùft, at jeg hurtigst vilde
reise tilbage til Berlin, men jeg kom ikke
længer end til Libenaù, hvor jeg blev
liggende syg paa et hotel.
Jeg spiste ikke noget i den tid – jeg bare flak-
kede om for at blive fri nervösiteten, og saa
drak jeg ùafladelig uden dog egentlig at være
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fùld nogensinde – dette kùnde vel for
en del være aarsagen til, at jeg blev syg;
hele mit omflakkende liv i Tyskland
staar for mig nù som en feberdröm –
jeg havde nemlig feber hele tiden, og jeg
fölte det stadig, som om det maatte bryde
ùd i en ordentlig sygdom – jeg blev dog
ikke mere end 2 dage i Libenaù – saa snart
jeg var saavidt bra, satte jeg kùrsen nord-
over og standsede kùn paa et par stationer
hist her og pimpede kognak. Slig fortsat-
te jeg, til jeg kom til Schleswig, hvor jeg
gik og drog mig i 3 ugers tid, förend jeg blev
saa pas, at jeg kom mig til Kjöbenhavn,
paa veien maatte jeg ogsaa ligge over et par
dage i Fredricia, hvor det forresten var meget
vakkert med de gamle fæstningsvolde og
forskandsninger. I Kjöbenhavn traf jeg
en söster af Henrik Lund og hans svoger
Viggo Madsen (maleren) der er gift med
lige saa godt til som jeg. Madsen og hans
frùe var begge meget elskværdige de bad
mig ùd til sig paa landet, hvor de havde
leiet et hùs og en have lige i udkanten af
Kjöbenhavn. Jeg maatte blive hos disse
elskværdige mennesker i 2 dage, og de vil-
de, jeg skùlde blive der længer, da de forstod,
at jeg ikke var frisk – men jeg var bange
for at kunde blive liggende der syg – og reiste
derfor. Jeg tænkte at blive en tid i Danmark
og saa reise til Schleswig igjen, men saa
fandt jeg ùd, at mine penge vilde slippe
op paa et ubeleiligt tidspùnkt, og saa
reiste jeg hjem og opholdt mig kùn en
dag og en nat i Kristiania og omtrent
lige længe i Bergen. Jeg gjorde fortvivle-
de forsög paa at male en 3-4 skisser
medens jeg var i Schleswig – jeg bestilte
for et par hùndrede kr. i farver og lærred
og tænkte, jeg skùlde være frygtelig flittig;
men det gik ikke – det blev noget af
det sletteste, jeg har lavet. Nù siden jeg kom
hjem, har jeg ogsaa forsögt lidt, og jeg ser,
at jeg er bleven aldeles ùmùlig her ogsaa,
jeg er misfornöiet med mig selv og verden
i höi grad – jeg forstaar ikke, hvorledes det
skal gaa.
Medens jeg var i Schleswig fik Engel et
pigebarn. Det er nù döbt og heder:
"Kari". Engel er noksaa bra, men barnet
er svært forkjölet. – Engel stod op vel en
uge efter at barnet var födt, og saa blev
hùn selv forkjölet, og saa tog hùn barnet
fortidlig ud og saa blev det ogsaa forkjölet
og det dobbelt, fordi det ogsaa fik Engels
forkjölelse – det hoster og skriger stadigt og
gjör mig nervös.
Jeg er jo kommen lidt fortidligt hjem
for stipendiets skyld, men jeg holdt
ikke ùd længer at reise ùafladeligt,
og jeg orkede heller ikke at ligge i ro paa
et fremmed sted, – især hvis jeg skulde
blive liggende syg, som jeg stadig var ræd
for. Vil man tage stipendiet fra mig
fordi jeg reiste hjem nù – saa maa
man gjerne det – der er ingen fordel
ved at have det, – jeg maatte brùge fire
gange saa meget af mine egne penge for
at klare mig. Man faar jo kùn udbetalt
400 pr. 2 maaneder, – altsaa 200 kr. pr. maa-
ned og 500 ved reisens tiltrædelse, jeg
havde været meget bedre stillet, om jeg ikke
havde faaet noget stipendiùm, thi da hav-
de jeg dog havt lidt igjen af de mange
penge, som jeg tjente i Kristiania, nù
har jeg kùn skyld og gjæld og ingen
billeder. Jeg brugte forresten saa altfor-
mange af mine penge i Kristiania, der
gik en masse til rangel med alle
de nye og gamle venner, jeg traf der. Jeg
maatte ogsaa hjælpe adskillige af de ùnge
Thùnold hjalp jeg baade med mynt og
med at faa udstille – thi ingen kjendte
III
ham, og det var kùn paa grùnd af
min paatrængenhed og trudsel om
ikke mere at ùdstille der, at jeg fik
kùnstnerforbùndet til at lade Thùnold
faa ùdstille der. Krantz sendte jeg 50 kr.
– jeg havde ikke raad til mere, og jeg hörte
det var smaat med ham, – saa maatte
jeg ogsaa laane en del til daarligt stillede
malere og ùnge tvivlsomme digterspirer
og mog held uvedkommende personer
ogsaa. Men endnù mere gik i ùdlan-
det, hvor jeg ogsaa maatte laane ùd
penge – blandt andet til Folkestad, som
tiltrods for at han havde statens
stipendiùm og havde solgt i Finland
for 1000 kr. dog ikke kùnde klare sig.
Det er jo ogsaa forbandet, at man
skal blive tildelt et stipendiùm
i slige ynkelig smaa portioner, – det
kunde gaa an i gamle dage at have
slige terminer, naar man fik stipendier
paa 3000 kr. – Dengang var det desùden
meget billigere at leve i udlandet –
jeg fandt, at jeg brugte over alt i Tyskland
4 gange saa meget som sidst da
jeg var der for 9-10 aar siden. Stipen-
dierne blir mindre og mindre,
eftersom det blir dyrere – og dyrere
at leve – pengene faar mindre og
mindre værd – og alligevel deler man
stipendierne op i smaatermine og for-
drer, at man skal være lige længe
i udlandet nù som för da stipendierne
var store. Jeg tænker paa at sige
stipendiet fra mig til kommende
aar, da jeg simpelthen ikke veed, hvor-
ledes jeg skal faa penge nok at skjöde
til med. – Jeg ùndgik at nogen saa mig i Kristiania.
Nù vilde jeg gjerne arbeide, bare jeg kùnde,
men jeg er rent fortvivlet over mig selv, –
jeg kan ikke arbeide som för, og det
nye, som jeg er kommen ind i, magter jeg
ikke. Mine bygninger staar halvfærdige
og bliver vel gjerne staaende slig dette
aar – Jeg sendte lidt penge til bygnings-
mændene, og da de havde faaet forskud,
slùttede de öieblikkelig arbeidet, saa
nù blir jeg nödt at tage nye bygnings-
mænd, hvis jeg skal faa bygningen færdig,
men dertil mangler jeg ogsaa mynt.
Havde jeg bare sagt op mit stipendiùm
ivaar og reist hjem og selv tilseet bygnin-
gen, saa havde alt været færdigt nù –
isteden har nù mine bygningsmænd stelt
det slig, at ingen arbeider antagelig vil
tage arbeidet efter dem – antagelig har
de tænkt, de tænkt at jeg skal byde dem
en endnù höiere betaling – man pröver
paa alle maader at benytte sig af
mig. Bygningsmændene snyder mig,
de, som skal levere sten, snyder mig,
kjörerne snyder mig – han som jeg har
leiet tomt snyder – eller rettere tænker
at snyde mig, men det kùnde hænde
det blev lögn i allefald.
Naa ja jeg fik jo se en del god kùnst
i udlandet baade gammel og ny – det
sidste særlig paa Berliner sesectionen,
hvor der var meget godt blandt de mo-
derne – det gjorde mig forresten ondt at
se to udmærkede malere, som lignede Svar-
stad i den grad, at det var rent utænkeligt,
at Svarstad ikke maa have laant meget
af sit fra en af dem; thi det kan jo vanskelig
tænkes, at de begge skùlde have faa alt
sit fra Svarstad, – da de var meget dyg-
tigere end ham – iallefald den ene –
baade hans grönne og röde farver havde
de og meget af hans motiver – jeg har
tabt meget af min respect for Svarstad
siden jeg saa det. Folkestad er heller ikke
saa personlig, som jeg fra först af troede.
Derimod er Thorsteinson og Sörensen
de to blandt vore "ùnge", som jeg nù har
III
mest respect for – trods Thorsteinsons
"tynde" maling og Sörensens Mattis-paa-
virkning, – der er forresten næsten ikke
en eneste af de moderne yngste
tyske og franske kunstnere, som ikke
er Mattis-paavirket – Mattis er tidens
stil, og som med envher stil fölger
der ogsaa med denne Mattis-stil en
utrolig mængde slet efterligning – ofte
den rene jargon. Der var forresten meget
rart paa denne Berliner sesectionen –
en masse hùmbug, men ogsaa en
hel del tillöb til nye tanker og
veie i kùnsten. I Kjöbenhavn saa jeg ogsaa
den "frie udstilling" – der var mange gode
malere særlig en Aage Bertelsen, som
jeg blev kjendt med – han har været
paa Grönland og malte meget bedre
end Wigdehl malte Spitsbergen, og saa
havde han nogle deilige farver i rosa
violet og graat – meget graat – tendre far-
ver – ofte fattige, men altid noget ægte.
Der var ogsaa en som hed Svane, han
var meget dygtig i at behandle de grelle
farver, som han dog tildels havde laant
fra van Gog – men naar man kan
bruge laan i nye combinationer saa
godt, som Svane, maa man have lov
til at laane.
Nù maa jeg bede om ùndskyldning for,
at jeg skriver saa rodet, og at jeg ikke
har noget interessent at skrive om,
jeg for nervös og ùlykkelig – jeg veed
ikke længer, hvad jeg selv vil eller skal
i kùnst – jeg synes det er noget skrab
alt det, jeg har arbeidet med i de senere
aar, – og naar jeg nù skal forsöge at
komme videre blir det noget endnù
daarligere, og saa er jeg ikke saa frisk,
at jeg kan slide og arbeide paa min
egen udvikling – som jeg nù bùrde
gjöre, om det ikke skal gaa rent tilbake
med min kùnst. Jeg havde mest lyst
til at holde rent op at male en tid og bare
tegne, men saa maa jeg jo have mynt
ogsaa, og jeg grùer mig for at lave bille-
der for at leve; det var jo en let sag for
mig at lave noget skrab og benytte mig
af mit renomè i Kristiania til at
slaa mynt – men jeg orker det ikke –
og lidt samvittighed maa man jo ogsaa
have – rigtignok veed jeg vel, at hvis
jeg nù, som jeg vilde haabe, kan kom-
me videre i min kùnst – saa vil
jeg paa grùnd heraf tabe publikùms
gùnst, som jeg hidtil har nydt
uden at arbeide derfor, – skal og
kan jeg nù gaa den rette vei til i udvik-
ling, – saa vil det blive meget værre
end för at leve af min kùnst.
Men jeg har længe forstaaet det paa
min "onde samvittighed", at jeg maatte
videre – nù afhænger alt for mig
af den ene ting, om jeg kan klare
at komme videre. Kan jeg ikke
komme videre forstaar jeg ikke, hvordan
det skal gaa med min nervösitet.
Ja nù haaber jeg I ikke gjengjælder
mig ved ikke at lade mig höre
noget fra Eder – hvorledes er det med
gigten? Har I ofte brev fra Eders
datter frk. Inger i England?
Engel beder mig hilse Eder hjærteligst
Modtag ogsaa den hjærteligste hilsen
fra Eders hengivne
P.S
Hvis frk. Kamstrup har sendt noget töi for
mig til Eder, – turde jeg kanske bede Eder være
saa venlig at sende det til Förde – lad Irgens
besörge afhentning og afsending – jeg skylder
Irgens fra för. Undskyld at jeg gjör Eder bryderi
Er Rasmùs Meyer kommen hjem, han vilde
kjöbe Frù Breyholz's billede og hùn var villig at sælge
D.S.
Translation
Aalhús may 8th 1911
Well I am here again for a short period.
I have made a trip home from
abroad. I would like to thank You very much
Mrs. Höst for your pleasant company in
Kristiania [Oslo] – and may I ask You to
greet Your parents most cordially from me –
and I ask You in particular to relay to Your mother
an apology for my lack of attention to-
wards her – for you see I met her
one day on the street and I was lost in
thought and did not greet her – it wasn’t until I
had walked another 10-20 steps and had re-
viewed the last passers-by in
my mind – that I remembered it was she.
Unfortunately this happens to me often, I am be-
coming increasingly nervous, distracted and impossible.
That is also why I did not dare to come up to your
place, when I travelled here via Bergen –
I feared that You might take me for
being half mad, but I can nevertheless
assure You, that I am not –
I have feelings of both gratitude and
admiration for You – yet I could
not – or perhaps precisely for that reason I could
not persuade myself to come up to see You
this time – I have attempted for so long
to deaden the nervousness with alcohol,
that I am absolutely impossible now – Nor have I
benefited from all the roaming
about Germany. I have not written one
single time to You, while I was abroad[.]
You must forgive me, I hope
You are not terribly upset with me.
I travelled to Berlin – there I
encountered many acquaintances among others
Dr. Haakon Schetelig and his wife and the painter
Folkestad, whom I spent a lot of time
with likewise the Polar researcher Chr. Leden
But in the end I became so anxious, that I
could not bear to go to museums or the art
school in Berlin – and since I also made
so many acquaintanceships there – I decided one
day to travel south without any
specific travel plans – for I wished to
be free, so that I could stop where
I wished along the way; but en route
I went astray in some small towns in
Southern Germany, and since it was beautiful [there] with
orchards like white clouds and rolling slopes covered
with vineyards – I thought I would stay there for a while and perhaps
paint a little, but then I met up with
a whole party of Germans, who were going to
Switzerland, and they convinced me to come along,
but I soon discovered, that they took advantage
of me in every way possible – and since
I could not afford to continually pay
the hotel bills for everyone, I
left them without saying goodbye and fled
to the north again – but when I arrived at the outskirts of
Berlin I changed course and went to the German [part of]
Poland, which I had once visited with
Leden. Here I saw some of the most charming
little towns, that I had ever seen – the houses
were situated between the canals – canals in every
direction – no roads – only canals and bridges
connecting the houses – here I travelled by
boat from Libenhaù to Spreewald, – where
the peasants still wear their strange
national costumes – everyone rowed in boats
and between the high thatched roofs stood white
cherry trees that were reflected in the canals – all-
together very idyllic. From there
I travelled on to a city, whose name I cannot
remember – there I became so miserably ill from the
terrible marshland air, that I wished to return
as quickly as possible to Berlin, but I reached no
further than to Libenaù, where I remained
bedridden in a hotel.
I did not eat anything during that period – I just
roamed from place to place to be rid of the uneasiness and then
I drank incessantly though without really ever
II
being drunk – this may well be
part of the reason, why I became ill;
my entire itinerate life in Germany
appears to me now as a feverish dream –
for I had fever the entire time, and I
constantly felt, that it would break
out into a proper illness – nevertheless I did
not stay more than 2 days in Libenaù – as soon
as I was barely well enough, I headed
north and stopped only at a few stations
here and there and imbibed cognac. I conti-
nued like this, until I arrived at Schleswig, where I
dragged myself around for about 3 weeks, until I was
well enough to get myself to Copenhagen,
en route I also had to spend a couple of
nights in Fred[e]ricia, which incidentally was very
beautiful with its old fortifications and
bulwarks. In Copenhagen I met
a sister of Henrik Lund and his brother-in-law
Viggo Madsen (the painter) who is married to
aware of as I. Madsen and his
wife were both very gracious they invited
me to visit them in the countryside, where they
rented a house and a little garden on the outskirts of
Copenhagen. I had to remain with these
gracious people for 2 days, and they want-
ed me to remain there longer, when they understood,
that I was not well – but I was afraid
that I might remain bedridden there – and therefore
left. I thought of staying for a while in Denmark
and then travelling to Schleswig again, but then
I realised, that my money would run
out at an inconvenient point in time, and so
I travelled home and spent only one
day and one night in Kristiania and approximately
as long in Bergen. I made a desper-
ate effort to paint 3-4 sketches
while I was in Schleswig – I ordered
paints and canvas for a couple of hundred kroner
and thought, that I would be very diligent;
but it did not work out – they was among
the worst things that I have made. Now since I arrived
home, I have also tried a little, and I see,
that I have become utterly impossible here as well,
I am greatly dissatisfied with myself and
the world – I do not know, how it
will end.
While I was in Schleswig Engel gave birth
to a baby girl. She is now baptised and is called:
"Kari". Engel is fairly well, but the baby
has a severe cold. – Engel got out of bed over a
week after the baby was born, and then
caught a cold herself, and then she brought the baby
outdoors too early so she too caught a cold
and twice over, because it also caught Engel’s
cold – it coughs and screams incessantly and
makes me nervous.
I have come home a bit early
with regards to the stipend, but I could
no longer bear to travel incessantly,
nor could I bear to sit still in
a foreign place, – especially if I might
become bedridden, which I was continually afraid
of. If one wishes to take the stipend away from me
because I returned home now – then
let them – there is no gain
in having it, – I had to use four
times as much of my own money to
get by. One is paid out only
400 per 2 months, – that is, 200 kroner per
month and 500 at the outset of the trip, I
would have been far better off, had I
not receive any stipend, for then I
would have at least had a little left of the large
amount of money that I earned in Kristiania [Oslo], now
all I have is obligations and debts and no
pictures. Incidentally I used far too
much of my money in Kristiania, a
great deal was spent on a drinking spree with all
the new and old friends, that I met there. I
also had to help several of the young [artists]
I helped Thùnold with cash as well as
with exhibiting – for no one knew
III
him, and it was only due to
my insistence and threat to
no longer exhibit there, that I convinced
Kùnstnerforbùndet to allow Thùnold
to exhibit there. I sent Krantz 50 kroner
– I could not afford to send more, as I heard
that he was destitute, – and then
I also lent some to poorly off
painters and dubious young aspiring poets
and to totally irrelevant persons
as well. Yet even more was spent a-
broad, where I was also forced to lend out
money – among others to Folkestad, who
despite his having a government
stipend and having sold in Finland
for 1000 kroner nevertheless could not get by.
It is also a curse, that one
should be awarded a stipend
in such pitifully small portions, – it
was feasible in the old days to have
such apportioned periods, when one received stipends
of 3000 kroner – Back then it was also
much less expensive to live abroad –
I found, that I used 4 times as much
all over Germany as the last time
I was there 9-10 years ago. The Sti-
pends are shrinking more and more
as it becomes more – and more expensive
to live – money has increasingly
less value – and despite this they divide
the stipends into small time allotments and re-
quire, that one shall spend the same length
of time abroad now as before when the stipends
were large. I am thinking of relinquishing
my stipend this coming
year, as I simply don’t know how
I shall find enough money to supplement
it with. – I avoided being seen in Kristiania [Oslo].
I would love to work now, if only I could,
but I am utterly distraught over myself, –
I cannot work as before, and the
new [works], that I have initiated, I don’t have
the strength to work on. My buildings are half-finished
and will probably remain in this state [the rest of] this
year – I sent a little money to the construction
workers, and when they received the advance,
they immediately stopped working, so
now I will be forced to hire new construction
workers, if I want to have the buildings finished,
but for that I also lack the cash.
If only I had terminated my stipend
this spring and returned home and oversaw the construction
myself, everything would have been completed by now –
instead my workers have created such
a situation, that no worker is likely to
take over the work after them – they have probably
figured, they thought that I will offer them
an even higher fee – one tries
in every way to take advantage of
me. The construction workers cheat me,
those who are supposed to deliver stones cheat me,
the deliverers cheat me – the man who I have
leased the plot from cheats – or rather plans
to cheat me, but it may be that
at least that was a lie.
Well but I did get to see some good art
abroad both old and new – the
latter in particular at the Berlin Secession,
where there were many good works among the mo-
dernists – it pained me incidentally to
see two excellent painters, who resembled Svar-
stad to such a degree, that it is totally plausible,
that Svarstad must have borrowed much
of his [style] from one of them; for it would be difficult
to believe, that they should both have taken all
of theirs from Svarstad, – as they were far more
talented than him – one of them at least –
they both had his green and red hues
and many of his motifs – I have
lost much of my respect for Svarstad
since I saw it. Nor is Folkestad
as personal, as I first believed.
On the other hand Thorsteinson and Sörensen are
the two among our "young [artists]", whom I now have
III
the most respect for – despite Thorsteinson’s
"thin" paint and Sörensen’s influence
from Mattis, – there is by the way hardly
one single one among the youngest modern
German and French artists, who are not
influenced by Mattis – Mattis is the style
of the times, and as with any style there
follows also with this Mattis style an
unbelievable amount of imitations – often
outright formulaic. Incidentally there were a
lot of outlandish things at this Berliner Secession –
a lot of humbug, but also a whole
lot of hints at new ideas and
directions in art. In Copenhagen I also saw
the "free exhibition" – there were many good
painters especially one Aage Bertelsen, with
whom I became acquainted – he had been
in Greenland and painted far better
than Wigdehl painted Spitsbergen, and
he had some gorgeous colours in pink
violet and grey – very grey – delicate co-
lours – often weak, but always somehow genuine.
There was also someone called Svane, he
was very skilled in treating the glaring
colours, which he nevertheless had borrowed
from van Gog – but when one knows how
to use loans in new combinations as
well as Svane, one must be allowed
to borrow.
I must apologize now for
writing in such a muddled fashion, and for
not having anything interesting to write about,
I am too nervous and unhappy – I no
longer know, what I want or wish to do
in art – I feel it is all rubbish
everything, that I have worked on in recent
years, – and when I shall now attempt to
make progress it becomes even
worse, and then I am not well enough
to be able to toil and work on my
own progress – which I should do
now, if my art is not going to go into positive
decline. I am most inclined
to stop painting entirely for a period and only
draw, but then I must have cash
as well, and I dread making pic-
tures in order to survive; it was no problem for
me to make some rubbish and take advantage of
my reputation in Kristiania [Oslo] to
make some cash – but I do not have the strength –
and one must have a minimum of
scruples – I am admittedly aware, that if
I can now, as I would hope, make
progress in my art – then I
will for this reason lose the public’s
favour, which I have enjoyed until now
without earning it, – if I shall and am
able to now take the right course toward in making
progress, – then it will be much harder
than before to live off my art.
But I have long understood from
my "bad conscience", that I must make
progress – for me now everything depends
on the one thing, whether I can succeed
in making progress. If I cannot
develop I do not know, what
will happen with my nervousness.
Well I hope You do not reciprocate
my behaviour by not letting me hear
anything from You – how is the
arthritis? Do you often receive letters from Your
daughter Miss Inger in England?
Engel asks me to greet You most cordially
Accept also the warmest greetings
from Your devoted
P.S
If Miss Kamstrup has sent some clothes for
me to You, – may I dare ask You to be
so kind as to send them to Förde – let Irgens
perform the fetching and dispatching – I owe
Irgens from before. Forgive me for inconveniencing You
Has Rasmùs Meyer returned home, he wanted
to buy Mrs. Breyholz’s picture and she was willing to sell
D.S.