Aalhús 8^de mai 1911

      Kjære Höst og frùe!

  Ja saa er jeg her igjen for en kort stund. 

  Jeg har taget mig en tùr hjem fra

udlandet. Jeg maa sige Dem frù Höst

tusend tak for det hyggelige samvær i

Kristiania – og saa maa jeg bede Dem

hilse Deres forældre hjærteligst fra mig –

særlig maa jeg bede Dem gjöre Deres mor

en ùndskyldning for min ùopmærksom-

hed mod hende – jeg traf hende nem-

lig en dag paa gaden og jeg gik i egne tan-

ker og hilste ikke – först da jeg havde gaa-

et en 10-20 skridt videre og havde gjen-

taget de sidst forbigangne mennesker i

erindringen – hùskede jeg, at det var hende.

Sligt hænder mig desværre ofte, jeg blir des-

værre stadig mere nervös, distrait og ùmùlig.

Derfor vovede jeg heller ikke at gaa op om

eder, da jeg nù reiste hid via Bergen – 

jeg frygtede for at I kùnde tage mig for

at være halvt forrykt, og tror jeg dog jeg

kan forsikre Eder om, at jeg ikke er –

jeg har baade taknemlighedsfölelse og beùn-

dring overfor Eder – men jeg kùnde dog

ikke – eller kanske nettop derfor kùnde jeg

ikke faa mig selv til at gaa op til Eder

denne gang – jeg har forsögt saa længe

at döve sygdom og nervösitet med alkohol,

at jeg er rent ùmùlig nù – jeg har heller

ikke havt godt af al den omflakken

i Tyskland. Ja jeg har jo ikke skrevet en

eneste gang til Eder, medens jeg var i ùdlandet

I maa rigtig ùndskylde mig, jeg haaber

I ikke er altfor fornærmet paa mig.

Jeg reiste altsaa til Berlin – der traf

jeg mange kjendinger blant andre Hr.

Dr. Haakon Schetelig og frùe og maleren

Folkestad, som jeg var meget sammen

med ligeledes polarforskeren Chr. Leden

Men jeg blev i længden saa nervös, at jeg

ikke holdt ùd at gaa ^paa mùseerne og maler-

skolen i Berlin – og da jeg desùden fik

saa mange bekjendtskaber der – saa reiste

jeg en dag sydover ùden at tage nogen

bestemt reiseplan – jeg vilde nemlig gjer-

ne være fri, saa jeg kùnde standse, hvor jeg

havde lyst paa veien; men paa den maade

forvilde jeg mig bort i nogle smaabyer i

syd Tyskland, og da der var vakkert med

hvide skyer af frùgthaver og rùnde vinbjer-

ge – tænkte jeg at blive der en tid og mùligens

male lidt, men saa traf jeg sammen med

et helt selskab af tyskere, som skùlde til

Schweitz, og de fik mig til at blive med,

men jeg opdagede snart, at de benyttede sig

af mig paa alle mùlige maader – og da

jeg ikke havde raad til at betale hotel-

regningerne for alle til stadighed, saa stak

jeg af fra dem ùde noget farvel og römte

nordover igjen – men da jeg kom i nærheden

af Berlin tog jeg af veien og reiste til tysk

Polen, hvor jeg för havde været en tùr med

Leden. Her saa jeg nogen af de yndigste

smaabyer, som jeg nogentid har seet – hùsene

laa mellem kanaler – kanaler i alle retnin-

ger – ingen veie – bare kanaler med broer

over mellem hùsene – her reiste jeg med

baad fra Libenaù til Spreewald, – hvor

bönderne endnù gaar med sine eiendom-

melige nationaldragter – alle roede i baade

og mellem de höie straatag stod hvide

kirsebærtrær og speilede sig i kanalerne – rig-

tig den rene idyl altsammen. Derfra

reiste jeg videre til en by, hvis navn jeg ikke

hùsker – der blev jeg saa elendig syg af den

frygtelige sùmplùft, at jeg hurtigst vilde

reise tilbage til Berlin, men jeg kom ikke

længer end til Libenaù, hvor jeg blev

liggende syg paa et hotel. 

Jeg spiste ikke noget i den tid – jeg bare flak-

kede om for at blive fri nervösiteten, og saa

drak jeg ùafladelig uden dog egentlig at være

II

fùld nogensinde – dette kùnde vel for

en del være aarsagen til, at jeg blev syg;

hele mit omflakkende liv i Tyskland

staar for mig nù som en feberdröm –

jeg havde nemlig feber hele tiden, og jeg

fölte det stadig, som om det maatte bryde

ùd i en ordentlig sygdom – jeg blev dog

ikke mere end 2 dage i Libenaù – saa snart

jeg var saavidt bra, satte jeg kùrsen nord-

over og standsede kùn paa et par stationer

hist her og pimpede kognak. Slig fortsat-

te jeg, til jeg kom til Schleswig, hvor jeg

gik og drog mig i 3 ugers tid, förend jeg blev

saa pas, at jeg kom mig til Kjöbenhavn,

paa veien maatte jeg ogsaa ligge over et par

dage i Fredricia, hvor det forresten var meget

vakkert med de gamle fæstningsvolde og

forskandsninger. I Kjöbenhavn traf jeg

en söster af Henrik Lund og hans svoger

Viggo Madsen (maleren) der er gift med

en söster af frù Lùnd – ja dette kjendes I nok

lige saa godt til som jeg. Madsen og hans

frùe var begge meget elskværdige de bad

mig ùd til sig paa landet, hvor de havde

leiet et hùs og en have lige i udkanten af

Kjöbenhavn. Jeg maatte blive hos disse

elskværdige mennesker i 2 dage, og de vil-

de, jeg skùlde blive der længer, da de forstod,

at jeg ikke var frisk – men jeg var bange

for at kunde blive liggende der syg – og reiste

derfor. Jeg tænkte at blive en tid i Danmark

og saa reise til Schleswig igjen, men saa

fandt jeg ùd, at mine penge vilde slippe

op paa et ubeleiligt tidspùnkt, og saa

reiste jeg hjem og opholdt mig kùn en

dag og en nat i Kristiania og omtrent

lige længe i Bergen. Jeg gjorde fortvivle-

de forsög paa at male en 3-4 skisser

medens jeg var i Schleswig – jeg bestilte

for et par hùndrede kr. i farver og lærred

og tænkte, jeg skùlde være frygtelig flittig;

men det gik ikke – det blev noget af

det sletteste, jeg har lavet. Nù siden jeg kom

hjem, har jeg ogsaa forsögt lidt, og jeg ser, 

at jeg er bleven aldeles ùmùlig her ogsaa,

jeg er misfornöiet med mig selv og verden

i höi grad – jeg forstaar ikke, hvorledes det 

skal gaa. 

Medens jeg var i Schleswig fik Engel et

pigebarn. Det er nù döbt og heder:

"Kari". Engel er noksaa bra, men barnet

er svært forkjölet. – Engel stod op vel en

uge efter at barnet var födt, og saa blev

hùn selv forkjölet, og saa tog hùn barnet

fortidlig ud og saa blev det ogsaa forkjölet

og det dobbelt, fordi det ogsaa fik Engels

forkjölelse – det hoster og skriger stadigt og

gjör mig nervös. 

  Jeg er jo kommen lidt fortidligt hjem

for stipendiets skyld, men jeg holdt

ikke ùd længer at reise ùafladeligt,

og jeg orkede heller ikke at ligge i ro paa

et fremmed sted, – især hvis jeg skulde

blive liggende syg, som jeg stadig var ræd

for. Vil man tage stipendiet fra mig

fordi jeg reiste hjem nù – saa maa

man gjerne det – der er ingen fordel

ved at have det, – jeg maatte brùge fire

gange saa meget af mine egne penge for

at klare mig. Man faar jo kùn udbetalt

400 pr. 2 maaneder, – altsaa 200 kr. pr. maa-

ned og 500 ved reisens tiltrædelse, jeg

havde været meget bedre stillet, om jeg ikke

havde faaet noget stipendiùm, thi da hav-

de jeg dog havt lidt igjen af de mange

penge, som jeg tjente i Kristiania, nù 

har jeg kùn skyld og gjæld og ingen

billeder. Jeg brugte forresten saa altfor-

mange af mine penge i Kristiania, der

gik en masse til rangel med alle

de nye og gamle venner, jeg traf der. Jeg

maatte ogsaa hjælpe adskillige af de ùnge

Thùnold hjalp jeg baade med mynt og

med at faa udstille – thi ingen kjendte

III

ham, og det var kùn paa grùnd af

min paatrængenhed og trudsel om

ikke mere at ùdstille der, at jeg fik

kùnstnerforbùndet til at lade Thùnold

faa ùdstille der. Krantz sendte jeg 50 kr.

– jeg havde ikke raad til mere, og jeg hörte

det var smaat med ham, – saa maatte

jeg ogsaa laane en del til daarligt stillede

malere og ùnge tvivlsomme digterspirer

og mog held uvedkommende personer

ogsaa. Men endnù mere gik i ùdlan-

det, hvor jeg ogsaa maatte laane ùd

penge – blandt andet til Folkestad, som

tiltrods for at han havde statens

stipendiùm og havde solgt i Finland

for 1000 kr. dog ikke kùnde klare sig. 

Det er jo ogsaa forbandet, at man

skal blive tildelt et stipendiùm

i slige ynkelig smaa portioner, – det

kunde gaa an i gamle dage at have

slige terminer, naar man fik stipendier

paa 3000 kr. – Dengang var det desùden 

meget billigere at leve i udlandet –

jeg fandt, at jeg brugte over alt i Tyskland

4 gange saa meget som sidst da 

jeg var der for 9-10 aar siden. Stipen-

dierne blir mindre og mindre,

eftersom det blir dyrere – og dyrere

at leve – pengene faar mindre og 

mindre værd – og alligevel deler man

stipendierne op i smaatermine og for-

drer, at man skal være lige længe

i udlandet nù som för da stipendierne

var store. Jeg tænker paa at sige

stipendiet fra mig til kommende

aar, da jeg simpelthen ikke veed, hvor-

ledes jeg skal faa penge nok at skjöde

til med. – Jeg ùndgik at nogen saa mig i Kristiania.

Nù vilde jeg gjerne arbeide, bare jeg kùnde,

men jeg er rent fortvivlet over mig selv, –

jeg kan ikke arbeide som för, og det

nye, som jeg er kommen ind i, magter jeg

ikke. Mine bygninger staar halvfærdige

og bliver vel gjerne staaende slig dette

aar – Jeg sendte lidt penge til bygnings-

mændene, og da de havde faaet forskud,

slùttede de öieblikkelig arbeidet, saa

nù blir jeg nödt at tage nye bygnings-

mænd, hvis jeg skal faa bygningen færdig,

men dertil mangler jeg ogsaa mynt.

Havde jeg bare sagt op mit stipendiùm

ivaar og reist hjem og selv tilseet bygnin-

gen, saa havde alt været færdigt nù –

isteden har nù mine bygningsmænd stelt

det slig, at ingen arbeider antagelig vil

tage arbeidet efter dem – antagelig har

de tænkt, de tænkt at jeg skal byde dem

en endnù höiere betaling – man pröver

paa alle maader at benytte sig af

mig. Bygningsmændene snyder mig,

de, som skal levere sten, snyder mig,

kjörerne snyder mig – han som jeg har

leiet tomt snyder – eller rettere tænker

at snyde mig, men det kùnde hænde

det blev lögn i allefald.

  Naa ja jeg fik jo se en del god kùnst

i udlandet baade gammel og ny – det

sidste særlig paa Berliner sesectionen,

hvor der var meget godt blandt de mo-

derne – det gjorde mig forresten ondt at

se to udmærkede malere, som lignede Svar-

stad i den grad, at det var rent utænkeligt,

at Svarstad ikke maa have laant meget

af sit fra ^{en af} dem; thi det kan jo vanskelig

tænkes, at de begge skùlde have faa alt

sit fra Svarstad, – da de var meget dyg-

tigere end ham – iallefald den ene –

baade hans grönne og röde farver havde

de og meget af hans motiver – jeg har

tabt meget af min respect for Svarstad

siden jeg saa det. Folkestad er heller ikke

saa personlig, som jeg fra först af troede.

Derimod er Thorsteinson og Sörensen

de to blandt vore "ùnge", som jeg nù har 

III

mest respect for – trods Thorsteinsons

"tynde" maling og Sörensens Mattis-paa-

virkning, – der er forresten næsten ikke

en eneste af de moderne yngste

tyske og franske kunstnere, som ikke

er Mattis-paavirket – Mattis er tidens

stil, og som med envher stil fölger

der ogsaa med denne Mattis-stil en

utrolig mængde slet efterligning – ofte

den rene jargon. Der var forresten meget

rart paa denne Berliner sesectionen –

en masse hùmbug, men ogsaa en

hel del tillöb til nye tanker og

veie i kùnsten. I Kjöbenhavn saa jeg ogsaa

den "frie udstilling" – der var mange gode

malere særlig en Aage Bertelsen, som

jeg blev kjendt med – han har været 

paa Grönland og malte meget bedre

end Wigdehl malte Spitsbergen, og saa

havde han nogle deilige farver i rosa

violet og graat – meget graat – tendre far-

ver – ofte fattige, men altid noget ægte.

Der var ogsaa en som hed Svane, han

var meget dygtig i at behandle de grelle

farver, som han dog tildels havde laant

fra van Gog – men naar man kan

bruge laan i nye combinationer saa

godt, som Svane, maa man have lov 

til at laane. 

Nù maa jeg bede om ùndskyldning for,

at jeg skriver saa rodet, og at jeg ikke

har noget interessent at skrive om,

jeg for nervös og ùlykkelig – jeg veed

ikke længer, hvad jeg selv vil eller skal

i kùnst – jeg synes det er noget skrab

alt det, jeg har arbeidet med i de senere

aar, – og naar jeg nù skal forsöge at

komme videre blir det noget endnù

daarligere, og saa er jeg ikke saa frisk,

at jeg kan slide og arbeide paa min

egen udvikling – som jeg nù bùrde

gjöre, om det ikke skal gaa rent tilbake

med min kùnst. Jeg havde mest lyst

til at holde rent op at male en tid og bare

tegne, men saa maa jeg jo have mynt

ogsaa, og jeg grùer mig for at lave bille-

der for at leve; det var jo en let sag for

mig at lave noget skrab og benytte mig

af mit renomè i Kristiania til at

slaa mynt – men jeg orker det ikke –

og lidt samvittighed maa man jo ogsaa

have – rigtignok veed jeg vel, at hvis

jeg nù, som jeg vilde haabe, kan kom-

me videre i min kùnst – saa vil

jeg paa grùnd heraf tabe publikùms

gùnst, som jeg hidtil har nydt

uden at arbeide derfor, – skal og

kan jeg nù gaa den rette vei til ⁱ udvik-

ling, – saa vil det blive meget værre

end för at leve af min kùnst.

Men jeg har længe forstaaet det paa

min "onde samvittighed", at jeg maatte

videre – nù afhænger alt for mig

af den ene ting, om jeg kan klare

at komme videre. Kan jeg ikke

komme videre forstaar jeg ikke, hvordan

det skal gaa med min nervösitet. 

Ja nù haaber jeg I ikke gjengjælder

mig ved ikke at lade mig höre

noget fra Eder – hvorledes er det med

gigten? Har I ofte brev fra Eders

datter frk. Inger i England?

Engel beder mig hilse Eder hjærteligst

Modtag ogsaa den hjærteligste hilsen

fra Eders hengivne

Nikolai Astrup

P.S

Hvis frk. Kamstrup har sendt noget töi for

mig til Eder, – turde jeg kanske bede Eder være

saa venlig at sende det til Förde – lad Irgens

besörge afhentning og afsending – jeg skylder

Irgens fra för. Undskyld at jeg gjör Eder bryderi

Er Rasmùs Meyer kommen hjem, han vilde

kjöbe Frù Breyholz's billede og hùn var villig at sælge

D.S.

Aalhús may 8^th 1911

      Dear Höst and Mrs.!

  Well I am here again for a short period.

  I have made a trip home from

abroad. I would like to thank You very much

Mrs. Höst for your pleasant company in

Kristiania [Oslo] – and may I ask You to

greet Your parents most cordially from me –

and I ask You in particular to relay to Your mother 

an apology for my lack of attention to-

wards her – for you see I met her

one day on the street and I was lost in

thought and did not greet her – it wasn’t until I 

had walked another 10-20 steps and had re-

viewed the last passers-by in

my mind – that I remembered it was she.

Unfortunately this happens to me often, I am be-

coming increasingly nervous, distracted and impossible.

That is also why I did not dare to come up to your

place, when I travelled here via Bergen –

I feared that You might take me for 

being half mad, but I can nevertheless

assure You, that I am not –

I have feelings of both gratitude and

admiration for You – yet I could 

not – or perhaps precisely for that reason I could

not persuade myself to come up to see You

this time – I have attempted for so long

to deaden the nervousness with alcohol,

that I am absolutely impossible now – Nor have I

benefited from all the roaming

about Germany. I have not written one

single time to You, while I was abroad[.]

You must forgive me, I hope

You are not terribly upset with me.

I travelled to Berlin – there I

encountered many acquaintances among others

Dr. Haakon Schetelig and his wife and the painter

Folkestad, whom I spent a lot of time

with likewise the Polar researcher Chr. Leden

But in the end I became so anxious, that I

could not bear to go ^to museums or the art

school in Berlin – and since I also made

so many acquaintanceships there – I decided one

day to travel south without any

specific travel plans – for I wished to

be free, so that I could stop where 

I wished along the way; but en route 

I went astray in some small towns in

Southern Germany, and since it was beautiful [there] with

orchards like white clouds and rolling slopes covered 

with vineyards – I thought I would stay there for a while and perhaps

paint a little, but then I met up with

a whole party of Germans, who were going to

Switzerland, and they convinced me to come along,

but I soon discovered, that they took advantage

of me in every way possible – and since 

I could not afford to continually pay 

the hotel bills for everyone, I 

left them without saying goodbye and fled

to the north again – but when I arrived at the outskirts of

Berlin I changed course and went to the German [part of]

Poland, which I had once visited with

Leden. Here I saw some of the most charming

little towns, that I had ever seen – the houses

were situated between the canals – canals in every

direction – no roads – only canals and bridges

connecting the houses – here I travelled by

boat from Libenhaù to Spreewald, – where

the peasants still wear their strange

national costumes – everyone rowed in boats

and between the high thatched roofs stood white

cherry trees that were reflected in the canals – all-

together very idyllic. From there

I travelled on to a city, whose name I cannot

remember – there I became so miserably ill from the

terrible marshland air, that I wished to return

as quickly as possible to Berlin, but I reached no

further than to Libenaù, where I remained

bedridden in a hotel.

I did not eat anything during that period – I just 

roamed from place to place to be rid of the uneasiness and then

I drank incessantly though without really ever 

II

being drunk – this may well be

part of the reason, why I became ill;

my entire itinerate life in Germany

appears to me now as a feverish dream –

for I had fever the entire time, and I 

constantly felt, that it would break

out into a proper illness – nevertheless I did

not stay more than 2 days in Libenaù – as soon

as I was barely well enough, I headed 

north and stopped only at a few stations

here and there and imbibed cognac. I conti-

nued like this, until I arrived at Schleswig, where I

dragged myself around for about 3 weeks, until I was

well enough to get myself to Copenhagen,

en route I also had to spend a couple of

nights in Fred[e]ricia, which incidentally was very

beautiful with its old fortifications and

bulwarks. In Copenhagen I met

a sister of Henrik Lund and his brother-in-law

Viggo Madsen (the painter) who is married to

a sister of Mrs. Lùnd – this you are as well

aware of as I. Madsen and his

wife were both very gracious they invited

me to visit them in the countryside, where they

rented a house and a little garden on the outskirts of

Copenhagen. I had to remain with these

gracious people for 2 days, and they want-

ed me to remain there longer, when they understood,

that I was not well – but I was afraid

that I might remain bedridden there – and therefore

left. I thought of staying for a while in Denmark

and then travelling to Schleswig again, but then

I realised, that my money would run

out at an inconvenient point in time, and so

I travelled home and spent only one

day and one night in Kristiania and approximately

as long in Bergen. I made a desper-

ate effort to paint 3-4 sketches

while I was in Schleswig – I ordered

paints and canvas for a couple of hundred kroner

and thought, that I would be very diligent;

but it did not work out – they was among

the worst things that I have made. Now since I arrived

home, I have also tried a little, and I see, 

that I have become utterly impossible here as well,

I am greatly dissatisfied with myself and 

the world – I do not know, how it 

will end. 

While I was in Schleswig Engel gave birth

to a baby girl. She is now baptised and is called:

"Kari". Engel is fairly well, but the baby

has a severe cold. – Engel got out of bed over a

week after the baby was born, and then

caught a cold herself, and then she brought the baby

outdoors too early so she too caught a cold

and twice over, because it also caught Engel’s

cold – it coughs and screams incessantly and

makes me nervous. 

  I have come home a bit early

with regards to the stipend, but I could

no longer bear to travel incessantly, 

nor could I bear to sit still in 

a foreign place, – especially if I might

become bedridden, which I was continually afraid

of. If one wishes to take the stipend away from me

because I returned home now – then 

let them – there is no gain

in having it, – I had to use four

times as much of my own money to

get by. One is paid out only

400 per 2 months, – that is, 200 kroner per

month and 500 at the outset of the trip, I

would have been far better off, had I 

not receive any stipend, for then I

would have at least had a little left of the large

amount of money that I earned in Kristiania [Oslo], now

all I have is obligations and debts and no

pictures. Incidentally I used far too

much of my money in Kristiania, a

great deal was spent on a drinking spree with all

the new and old friends, that I met there. I

also had to help several of the young [artists]

I helped Thùnold with cash as well as

with exhibiting – for no one knew

III

him, and it was only due to 

my insistence and threat to 

no longer exhibit there, that I convinced

Kùnstnerforbùndet to allow Thùnold

to exhibit there. I sent Krantz 50 kroner

– I could not afford to send more, as I heard 

that he was destitute, – and then

I also lent some to poorly off

painters and dubious young aspiring poets

and to totally irrelevant persons

as well. Yet even more was spent a-

broad, where I was also forced to lend out

money – among others to Folkestad, who

despite his having a government 

stipend and having sold in Finland

for 1000 kroner nevertheless could not get by. 

It is also a curse, that one

should be awarded a stipend

in such pitifully small portions, – it

was feasible in the old days to have

such apportioned periods, when one received stipends

of 3000 kroner – Back then it was also 

much less expensive to live abroad –

I found, that I used 4 times as much

all over Germany as the last time 

I was there 9-10 years ago. The Sti-

pends are shrinking more and more

as it becomes more – and more expensive

to live – money has increasingly 

less value – and despite this they divide

the stipends into small time allotments and re-

quire, that one shall spend the same length

of time abroad now as before when the stipends

were large. I am thinking of relinquishing 

my stipend this coming 

year, as I simply don’t know how

I shall find enough money to supplement

it with. – I avoided being seen in Kristiania [Oslo].

I would love to work now, if only I could,

but I am utterly distraught over myself, –

I cannot work as before, and the

new [works], that I have initiated, I don’t have

the strength to work on. My buildings are half-finished

and will probably remain in this state [the rest of] this

year – I sent a little money to the construction

workers, and when they received the advance,

they immediately stopped working, so

now I will be forced to hire new construction

workers, if I want to have the buildings finished,

but for that I also lack the cash.

If only I had terminated my stipend

this spring and returned home and oversaw the construction 

myself, everything would have been completed by now –

instead my workers have created such

a situation, that no worker is likely to

take over the work after them – they have probably

figured, they thought that I will offer them

an even higher fee – one tries

in every way to take advantage of

me. The construction workers cheat me, 

those who are supposed to deliver stones cheat me,

the deliverers cheat me – the man who I have

leased the plot from cheats – or rather plans

to cheat me, but it may be that

at least that was a lie.

  Well but I did get to see some good art

abroad both old and new – the 

latter in particular at the Berlin Secession,

where there were many good works among the mo-

dernists – it pained me incidentally to

see two excellent painters, who resembled Svar-

stad to such a degree, that it is totally plausible,

that Svarstad must have borrowed much

of his [style] from ^{one of} them; for it would be difficult

to believe, that they should both have taken all

of theirs from Svarstad, – as they were far more

talented than him – one of them at least –

they both had his green and red hues

and many of his motifs – I have 

lost much of my respect for Svarstad

since I saw it. Nor is Folkestad 

as personal, as I first believed.

On the other hand Thorsteinson and Sörensen are

the two among our "young [artists]", whom I now have 

III

the most respect for – despite Thorsteinson’s

"thin" paint and Sörensen’s influence

from Mattis, – there is by the way hardly

one single one among the youngest modern

German and French artists, who are not

influenced by Mattis – Mattis is the style

of the times, and as with any style there

follows also with this Mattis style an

unbelievable amount of imitations – often

outright formulaic. Incidentally there were a

lot of outlandish things at this Berliner Secession –

a lot of humbug, but also a whole

lot of hints at new ideas and

directions in art. In Copenhagen I also saw

the "free exhibition" – there were many good

painters especially one Aage Bertelsen, with

whom I became acquainted – he had been 

in Greenland and painted far better

than Wigdehl painted Spitsbergen, and

he had some gorgeous colours in pink

violet and grey – very grey – delicate co-

lours – often weak, but always somehow genuine.

There was also someone called Svane, he

was very skilled in treating the glaring

colours, which he nevertheless had borrowed

from van Gog – but when one knows how

to use loans in new combinations as

well as Svane, one must be allowed 

to borrow. 

I must apologize now for

writing in such a muddled fashion, and for

not having anything interesting to write about,

I am too nervous and unhappy – I no 

longer know, what I want or wish to do

in art – I feel it is all rubbish

everything, that I have worked on in recent

years, – and when I shall now attempt to

make progress it becomes even

worse, and then I am not well enough

to be able to toil and work on my 

own progress – which I should do

now, if my art is not going to go into positive 

decline. I am most inclined 

to stop painting entirely for a period and only

draw, but then I must have cash

as well, and I dread making pic-

tures in order to survive; it was no problem for

me to make some rubbish and take advantage of

my reputation in Kristiania [Oslo] to

make some cash – but I do not have the strength –

and one must have a minimum of

scruples – I am admittedly aware, that if

I can now, as I would hope, make

progress in my art – then I 

will for this reason lose the public’s

favour, which I have enjoyed until now

without earning it, – if I shall and am

able to now take the right course toward ⁱⁿ making

progress, – then it will be much harder

than before to live off my art.

But I have long understood from

my "bad conscience", that I must make

progress – for me now everything depends

on the one thing, whether I can succeed

in making progress. If I cannot

develop I do not know, what

will happen with my nervousness. 

Well I hope You do not reciprocate 

my behaviour by not letting me hear

anything from You – how is the

arthritis? Do you often receive letters from Your

daughter Miss Inger in England?

Engel asks me to greet You most cordially

Accept also the warmest greetings

from Your devoted

Nikolai Astrup

P.S

If Miss Kamstrup has sent some clothes for

me to You, – may I dare ask You to be

so kind as to send them to Förde – let Irgens

perform the fetching and dispatching – I owe

Irgens from before. Forgive me for inconveniencing You

Has Rasmùs Meyer returned home, he wanted

to buy Mrs. Breyholz’s picture and she was willing to sell

D.S.